I put bows in my hair to keep focus on my head and not my body. I did well with pay and weigh programs, therapies, diets, everyone worked once. I wanted to have my jaw wired shut. I got up over 300 lbs after grey sheet helped me loose 40  lbs. I did not understand the concept of alcoholic foods. I bounced in and out of multiple 12 steps programs searching for the perfect program, the perfect sponsor etc. I would not surrender to anything completely. I manipulated everybody and everything to do it my way. God is definitely doing for me what I will not do for myself. Ordering from a fast food the machine is broken. lots of times. Today I am willing to look in a mirror and say 'Judy- I love you"  and mean it. Today I have daily rituals for my recovery which keep me emotionally and physically stable.

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