I started early 3 or less. There were no boundaries and no safety. I just wanted to be loved but food  gave me that feeling. I was a 'chubby' kid and felt shamed even at the doctor's office. I was 6 with my  first diet. It became a way of life proving my unworthyness. Food became the cause and the solution of my shame. My dad dies when I was 16. He was the only one who i felt loved me unconditionally. Now I was alone and leaned into the food like never before. 16 - 49 in my disease. Married  kids and food. My last nine months was a sneaky brutal binge threatening every I thought was important. I finally acknowledged I had a God sized problem I could not handle alone I realized a food plan is an act of self love while a diet would be an act of self hate. The gift of desperation kicked my recovery into gear. Moving me into the steps  for real. Staying in the present where it is always Now O'Clock is critical.  

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