Transcript for ep 19:Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about SELF PUNISHMENT & SELF REWARDMany of us believe that money does not fall from the sky and in order to earn money, we have to work very hard. Unfortunately, sometimes we use money as a punchbag, to hide our emotions and in doing so, we are subconsciously punishing ourselves., Sometimes, we lack the self-control to refuse food that is unhealthy to our bodies. Even though we don't know why we eat those spicy foods, and we might end up going to the toilet several times the next day or even need to see the doctor in the end. Sometimes, in the name of self-reward, we purchase luxury products to recognise ourselves for our own hard work. However, what we do not recognise are the complex emotions behind these acts of self-reward and self-punishment. In my previous episode, I shared with you that the superior at my first job was very demanding and strict. She made me feel as though I was not as good as my fellow colleagues, and was not worthy of the same respect. Because of this lowly feeling, I kept changing my job to punish myself for not being good enough. In these different jobs, I chanced upon a kind and good boss that I was lucky enough to work for. This boss was willing to give his employees the proper training, as he knew that he wanted his employees to learn new skills to not only contribute to their company, but also to carry with themselves wherever they go. Although this boss was willing to teach me useful skills like data entry, I was unwilling to open my mind and heart to learn from him. On one hand, I wanted to learn a new skill, but on the other hand, I was afraid that this boss would see my insecurities if I told him that I did not understand the skills he taught. What if I still did not know how to use these skills after his teachings? Would he think I was stupid and useless? At the same time, my father was very sick, and I was chosen to take on the responsibility of caring for him during this critical period. This was also a convenient excuse for me to run away from learning from my boss. I started to take care of my father in my hometown, where I no longer needed to learn new things or answer to anyone. However, I had no income because I had to take care of my father full time. I felt very guilty for taking money from my siblings, and felt very inferior to them. As his caretaker, I felt useless and unable to help my father to recover even though I have no control over his health.My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, gave me a lot of love and support and allowed me to believe in hope again. He travelled from Singapore to my hometown as frequently as possible to ease my burden of taking care of my father. With my husband’s unconditional support, I managed to overcome my father’s subsequent death and come out of the painful experience as a more confident version of myself. Under my sister and brother in law ‘s guidance, I am now more active and determined to try anything career-wise. Due to this confidence, I have seen more positive results in my career and home life. I am able to build my confidence in the place I am the most comfortable in and familiar with: alongside my family. This has given me the momentum to succeed in my career. When your self-worth relies on material goods like luxury items, and is not built within yourself, you will self-punish when things do not go your way. This negative influence will cause your life to feel meaningless, and you will end up finding thousands of reasons to escape this reality. You will beat yourself up, and think that everything you have ever done is worthless, causing you to walk into the trap of self-punishment. If we neglect our emotional well-being and do not take care of our mental health, our negative emotions will soon affect not just ourselves, but also our career and family. Remember that you are not alone in this journey; that your loved ones care for you and will support you through tough times. Ultimately, even with their love and support, you must be the one to choose to find a solution and build your confidence. If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook. The link is in the show notes.Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/leeyongtehInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/d_t_l_y/Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/deon-teh-leeyong-573a0766/I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you on second part of SELF PUNISHMENT & SELF REWARD

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