Send Gemma a messageIn this episode I answer a listener Q from “Maddie,” who’s in post-breakup limbo with an avoidant ex. I unpack blurred boundaries after a breakup, why “staying friends” can quietly erode self-respect, how trauma bonds differ from schema-triggered dynamics, and what it really takes to let go when your abandonment schema is pulling you back. You’ll also get a simple Relationship Review exercise to spot your patterns so you can date with clearer self-trust next time.What we coverThe self-respect signal: why “staying friends” sometimes keeps you stuckLove-bombing vs. real intimacy (and why early declarations are a red flag)Trauma bonding 101: replication, familiarity and unmet needsAvoidant–anxious dynamics and why they feel magnetic but unstable“Hard work” vs. “healthy work” in relationships - a practical litmus testHow to let go: grief, no-contact, and naming your modes without self-criticismThe Relationship Review: a step-by-step way to map your patternsTry this (listener worksheet prompts)“Where did I override red flags because of fear, guilt or hope?”“Which parts/modes showed up in me (e.g., Pleaser, Angry Protector, Vulnerable Child)?”“How did I actually feel most of the time in that relationship?”“What does ‘emotionally available’ need to look like for me, specifically?”Resources mentionedEpisode 104: The Good, the Bad and the Bond (trauma bonding explainer)Free guide: Dating With Insight: A Tune-In After Every Date (reflective prompts to help you notice how you felt in their presence)Free live masterclass: The Psychology of Attraction - why chemistry isn’t random and how schema chemistry pulls you toward the wrong partnersLive: Wednesday 10 September, 7:00pm AESTReplay available to all who registerIs Love Wisely for you? If you’re a self-aware woman with a history of emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners AND you’re ready to rewrite your Love Template™ the next 12-week Love Wisely group starts late September. Warm, structured and practical. Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

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