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Listen "EP 38 | THE 7 PRE WEDDING CHECKS BEFORE YOU SAY "I DO""
Episode Synopsis
Marriage does not complete you; it complements you. We are talking about 7 luminous requirements of character and emotional maturity you need to be rocking before you even think about accepting that ring. This is your pre-marital advice checklist for a healthy relationship. If you’re a young woman (or honestly, any woman!) in your twenties, thirties, or forties, listen up.
Welcome to Emotional Healing for Christian Women.
Thank You! For listening/Watching.
I’m Marvel C. Adeyemi, a licensed Psychotherapist and Faith -Based Coach who supports Christian women.
✅ Join my soulful restoration Christian women's retreat
Imagine waking up without the weight of shame, fear, and loneliness. Imagine finally feeling worthy, confident, and at peace — and doing it with God by your side. That's the healing we begin together
Perhaps you’re struggling with low self-worth, rejection, persistent anxiety, spiritual confusion, neglect, abandonment, or feeling disconnected from your purpose… If you're afraid of repeating painful patterns in parenting or relationships… If your past still triggers you — please know that healing is possible.
Through biblical lens, I’ll help you rebuild self-worth, trust, peace and clarity — so you can feel empowered, beautiful, and confident.
WHAT NEXT?
✅ Get free resources for guidance and healing from past wounds and finding clarity and purpose.
✅ Order my new book, Beyond the Hurt. E-book and Paper back
📌Work with me 1:1: book a session: Book Here
✅Please leave a comment/review, subscribe/follow and share.
✅ Join my private face book group
✅ Book a 1:1 Coaching Call if you’re ready to dive deeper into your healing journey. https://marveladeyemi.com.au/
✅ Send me an email
Connect with me, online for Christian Counselling and coaching. I support high-achieving Christian women in Ballarat, Melbourne Victoria- Australia, and globally who are ready to transform their relationships through inner child healing and faith-led wisdom.
📢Disclaimer: I share content from my reflections for educational purpose only and should not replace professional therapy. If you need immediate support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.
PODCAST SCRIPT: MARRIAGE DOESN'T COMPLETE YOU
Host: Hey, Queens, and welcome back to the mic! I’m Marvel, your Christian Coach, and today we are spilling the tea on a topic that is absolute gospel for your love life.
I’ve been deep in the pages of one of my favourite books, and it unlocked a powerful truth we absolutely need to internalize before anyone walks down an aisle: Marriage does not complete you; it complements you. Say it with me: Complement, not complete.
For too long, the narrative—especially for Christian women—has been that "I Do" is the finish line, the moment you finally become whole. But that vibe check is completely off. If you walk into a marriage with an incomplete self, you’re not looking for a partner; you're looking for a saviour. And that sets you up for a toxic relationship.
Today, we’re doing the inner work. We’re identifying the 7 luminous requirements of character and emotional maturity you need to be rocking before you even think about accepting that ring. This is your definitive pre-marital advice checklist for building a healthy relationship. If you’re a young woman in your twenties, thirties, or forties, listen up. Your self-love journey starts right now.
THE RESCUER TRAP: WHEN INCOMPLETENESS INVITES CONTROL
We all know this scenario, and maybe—just maybe—you’ve lived it.
When you haven't done the deep inner self-work—when you still struggle with low self-image or a pervasive lack of assertiveness—you enter the dating pool with massive emotional needs. You might still be desperately seeking the validation of your parents, even though you are a grown woman with a grown-up life.
This unmet need makes you a magnet for a specific type of partner: the rescuer.
He steps in and seems to fill every void. He tells you what to wear, handles all the decisions, and at first, that structure feels safe. He seems like the savior you didn't have growing up, maybe the structure you missed from your father. You think, "Wow, he’s so decisive and protective!"
But fast-forward a year into marriage, and that "savior" quickly pivots. He's not rescuing you; he is controlling you. He takes advantage of your low self-image and your lack of boundaries. What started as "protection" becomes isolation. What felt like "decisiveness" turns into domineering behavior.
If you don't deal with the root issues of low self-worth and unexpressed opinion now, you risk marrying a controlling husband. To build a truly luminous relationship, you must first be a luminous individual.
THE 7 LUMINOUS REQUIREMENTS: YOUR MATURITY CHECKLIST
To be a healthy, complete adult ready for a thriving partnership, you must possess these seven characteristics. This is the emotional maturity that protects your marriage.
1. Be Emotionally Fluid and Vulnerable
You need to know how to connect emotionally and be vulnerable without collapsing. This means you can accurately identify your feelings ("I feel dismissed," "I feel joyful") and share those feelings with your husband without expecting him to fix them or read your mind. A mature woman brings her own emotional regulation skills to the marriage. She can say, "This made me sad," and then process it, rather than throwing a silent emotional fit that makes her husband responsible for her happiness.
2. Master Your Assertiveness and Opinion
This is about having an appropriate sense of assertiveness and the courage to think for oneself and express one's opinion. If your husband suggests a major life change and you feel uneasy, can you articulate your position respectfully? If you can’t speak your truth about small things, you will lose your voice in big things. If you are constantly seeking his permission, you are living under his control. Assertiveness, anchored in love, is essential for maintaining your individual identity in the marriage.
3. Own Your Drive and Ambition
You must have initiative and drive or ambition that exists outside of him. You must know how to grasp and use your talents and gifts—your divine assignments. Your husband is not responsible for making your life feel purposeful or interesting. When you are thriving in your purpose, it elevates the entire marriage relationship. You are leading your own life alongside him.
4. The Grace Gap: Forgive and Accept Imperfection
A mature person knows how to accept imperfections—in themselves and others—and has the grace to forgive. You stop demanding perfection first from yourself and then your husband because you know you are flawed, too. When your partner messes up (and he will!), your instinct isn't to punish, withdraw, or keep score; it's to seek repair and move forward. This skill is critical for navigating conflict and preventing bitterness from becoming the default setting in your long-term commitment.
5. Be Committed to Growth and Learning
A healthy relationship is a constantly evolving relationship. You must be committed to a growth mindset—you are constantly seeking to learn and grow. You don't get defensive when challenged by your husband or by life; you get curious. Marriage will expose all your unhealed spots, but the mature person sees those spots as opportunities to level up their character.
6. The Follow-Through Queen: Responsibility
This one is simple but powerful. You must be responsible and follow through on decisions. Reliability builds trust in dating and trust in marriage. A spouse should not have to parent you. If you agree to manage the finances, you manage them. If you commit to a spiritual discipline, you keep it. Being reliable in small things proves you can be trusted in the big things.
7. Inner Freedom and External Boundaries
Finally, you must be free and not controlled by external or internal factors. This means you are not controlled by old shame, people-pleasing, or the fear of missing out. You are not controlled by your mother's expectations or societal pressure. This inner freedom is protected by solid, biblical boundaries in dating and life. If your emotional state is dictated by external factors, you are too volatile to be a secure partner.
STRATEGIC CHOOSING & CULTURAL TRUTHS
Now, let's get ultra-real. As a woman, you have to be strategic in choosing a husband. Why? Because unfortunately, culture often didn't design marriage to favor a woman who is not whole. We must acknowledge that reality.
Historically, marriage has demanded more sacrifice and submission from the wife, which makes it even more critical that you choose a man who is secure enough to champion your freedom and your growth.
You need a man who celebrates the fact that you have an opinion and have boundaries, not a man who feels threatened by your assertiveness. A Christian dating relationship should always be moving you toward the image of Christ, not toward a state of emotional dependence.
Your most valuable dating strategy is the work you do in your singleness season. That inner work is what prevents you from falling into the trap of that controlling partner. When you know your worth, you don't accept less than mutual respect and love. You deserve to be complemented, not completed.
YOUR NEXT LEVEL UP & CALL TO ACTION
Okay, fam, spill the tea time: How did your checklist stack up?
If this feels like a lot of work, it is. But the time you spend building your inner self is the most valuable investment you will ever make. To attract a whole, luminous husband, you must first become that luminous woman.
I want to invite you to take action right now:
First: Engage and Share the Light! If this episode gave you that aha moment, please like, share, and comment wherever you listen. Share it with a sister who needs to hear that her best pre-marital advice is becoming whole before she says "I Do." Let's spread this positive relationship advice.
Second: Instant Coaching and Resources! This deep work requires a guide. For instant coaching resources, a deeper dive into boundaries in dating, and support on your finding your worth journey, head over to my website right now. I have free resources and instant access coaching modules waiting for you to help you become that secure, luminous woman. The link is in the show notes!
Don’t settle for being completed; commit to being the complement. When you show up whole, you attract whole. That’s the gospel truth of a healthy relationship.
Host: Thank you for tuning in. Until next time, stay anchored in faith, keep doing the work, and keep shining brightly!
#LoveAfterHeartbreak #SingleChristian #ModernDating #HealYourPast #20sDating #30sDating #40sDating #ChristianTherapy #RelationshipGoals #RejectionRecovery #EmotionalHealing #DatingAdvice #ChristianRelationship #SelfLoveJourney #TherapistExplains #BreakupRecovery #HealYourPast #WomenEmpowerment #FaithJourney #SinglesLife #RelationshipGoals #TraumaInformed #SelfWorth #ChristianWomen #20sLife #30sLife #40sLife #FindingLove #PurposeDrivenWoman #20sDating, #30sDating, #40sDating, #20sLife, #30sLife, #40sLife
Welcome to Emotional Healing for Christian Women.
Thank You! For listening/Watching.
I’m Marvel C. Adeyemi, a licensed Psychotherapist and Faith -Based Coach who supports Christian women.
✅ Join my soulful restoration Christian women's retreat
Imagine waking up without the weight of shame, fear, and loneliness. Imagine finally feeling worthy, confident, and at peace — and doing it with God by your side. That's the healing we begin together
Perhaps you’re struggling with low self-worth, rejection, persistent anxiety, spiritual confusion, neglect, abandonment, or feeling disconnected from your purpose… If you're afraid of repeating painful patterns in parenting or relationships… If your past still triggers you — please know that healing is possible.
Through biblical lens, I’ll help you rebuild self-worth, trust, peace and clarity — so you can feel empowered, beautiful, and confident.
WHAT NEXT?
✅ Get free resources for guidance and healing from past wounds and finding clarity and purpose.
✅ Order my new book, Beyond the Hurt. E-book and Paper back
📌Work with me 1:1: book a session: Book Here
✅Please leave a comment/review, subscribe/follow and share.
✅ Join my private face book group
✅ Book a 1:1 Coaching Call if you’re ready to dive deeper into your healing journey. https://marveladeyemi.com.au/
✅ Send me an email
Connect with me, online for Christian Counselling and coaching. I support high-achieving Christian women in Ballarat, Melbourne Victoria- Australia, and globally who are ready to transform their relationships through inner child healing and faith-led wisdom.
📢Disclaimer: I share content from my reflections for educational purpose only and should not replace professional therapy. If you need immediate support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.
PODCAST SCRIPT: MARRIAGE DOESN'T COMPLETE YOU
Host: Hey, Queens, and welcome back to the mic! I’m Marvel, your Christian Coach, and today we are spilling the tea on a topic that is absolute gospel for your love life.
I’ve been deep in the pages of one of my favourite books, and it unlocked a powerful truth we absolutely need to internalize before anyone walks down an aisle: Marriage does not complete you; it complements you. Say it with me: Complement, not complete.
For too long, the narrative—especially for Christian women—has been that "I Do" is the finish line, the moment you finally become whole. But that vibe check is completely off. If you walk into a marriage with an incomplete self, you’re not looking for a partner; you're looking for a saviour. And that sets you up for a toxic relationship.
Today, we’re doing the inner work. We’re identifying the 7 luminous requirements of character and emotional maturity you need to be rocking before you even think about accepting that ring. This is your definitive pre-marital advice checklist for building a healthy relationship. If you’re a young woman in your twenties, thirties, or forties, listen up. Your self-love journey starts right now.
THE RESCUER TRAP: WHEN INCOMPLETENESS INVITES CONTROL
We all know this scenario, and maybe—just maybe—you’ve lived it.
When you haven't done the deep inner self-work—when you still struggle with low self-image or a pervasive lack of assertiveness—you enter the dating pool with massive emotional needs. You might still be desperately seeking the validation of your parents, even though you are a grown woman with a grown-up life.
This unmet need makes you a magnet for a specific type of partner: the rescuer.
He steps in and seems to fill every void. He tells you what to wear, handles all the decisions, and at first, that structure feels safe. He seems like the savior you didn't have growing up, maybe the structure you missed from your father. You think, "Wow, he’s so decisive and protective!"
But fast-forward a year into marriage, and that "savior" quickly pivots. He's not rescuing you; he is controlling you. He takes advantage of your low self-image and your lack of boundaries. What started as "protection" becomes isolation. What felt like "decisiveness" turns into domineering behavior.
If you don't deal with the root issues of low self-worth and unexpressed opinion now, you risk marrying a controlling husband. To build a truly luminous relationship, you must first be a luminous individual.
THE 7 LUMINOUS REQUIREMENTS: YOUR MATURITY CHECKLIST
To be a healthy, complete adult ready for a thriving partnership, you must possess these seven characteristics. This is the emotional maturity that protects your marriage.
1. Be Emotionally Fluid and Vulnerable
You need to know how to connect emotionally and be vulnerable without collapsing. This means you can accurately identify your feelings ("I feel dismissed," "I feel joyful") and share those feelings with your husband without expecting him to fix them or read your mind. A mature woman brings her own emotional regulation skills to the marriage. She can say, "This made me sad," and then process it, rather than throwing a silent emotional fit that makes her husband responsible for her happiness.
2. Master Your Assertiveness and Opinion
This is about having an appropriate sense of assertiveness and the courage to think for oneself and express one's opinion. If your husband suggests a major life change and you feel uneasy, can you articulate your position respectfully? If you can’t speak your truth about small things, you will lose your voice in big things. If you are constantly seeking his permission, you are living under his control. Assertiveness, anchored in love, is essential for maintaining your individual identity in the marriage.
3. Own Your Drive and Ambition
You must have initiative and drive or ambition that exists outside of him. You must know how to grasp and use your talents and gifts—your divine assignments. Your husband is not responsible for making your life feel purposeful or interesting. When you are thriving in your purpose, it elevates the entire marriage relationship. You are leading your own life alongside him.
4. The Grace Gap: Forgive and Accept Imperfection
A mature person knows how to accept imperfections—in themselves and others—and has the grace to forgive. You stop demanding perfection first from yourself and then your husband because you know you are flawed, too. When your partner messes up (and he will!), your instinct isn't to punish, withdraw, or keep score; it's to seek repair and move forward. This skill is critical for navigating conflict and preventing bitterness from becoming the default setting in your long-term commitment.
5. Be Committed to Growth and Learning
A healthy relationship is a constantly evolving relationship. You must be committed to a growth mindset—you are constantly seeking to learn and grow. You don't get defensive when challenged by your husband or by life; you get curious. Marriage will expose all your unhealed spots, but the mature person sees those spots as opportunities to level up their character.
6. The Follow-Through Queen: Responsibility
This one is simple but powerful. You must be responsible and follow through on decisions. Reliability builds trust in dating and trust in marriage. A spouse should not have to parent you. If you agree to manage the finances, you manage them. If you commit to a spiritual discipline, you keep it. Being reliable in small things proves you can be trusted in the big things.
7. Inner Freedom and External Boundaries
Finally, you must be free and not controlled by external or internal factors. This means you are not controlled by old shame, people-pleasing, or the fear of missing out. You are not controlled by your mother's expectations or societal pressure. This inner freedom is protected by solid, biblical boundaries in dating and life. If your emotional state is dictated by external factors, you are too volatile to be a secure partner.
STRATEGIC CHOOSING & CULTURAL TRUTHS
Now, let's get ultra-real. As a woman, you have to be strategic in choosing a husband. Why? Because unfortunately, culture often didn't design marriage to favor a woman who is not whole. We must acknowledge that reality.
Historically, marriage has demanded more sacrifice and submission from the wife, which makes it even more critical that you choose a man who is secure enough to champion your freedom and your growth.
You need a man who celebrates the fact that you have an opinion and have boundaries, not a man who feels threatened by your assertiveness. A Christian dating relationship should always be moving you toward the image of Christ, not toward a state of emotional dependence.
Your most valuable dating strategy is the work you do in your singleness season. That inner work is what prevents you from falling into the trap of that controlling partner. When you know your worth, you don't accept less than mutual respect and love. You deserve to be complemented, not completed.
YOUR NEXT LEVEL UP & CALL TO ACTION
Okay, fam, spill the tea time: How did your checklist stack up?
If this feels like a lot of work, it is. But the time you spend building your inner self is the most valuable investment you will ever make. To attract a whole, luminous husband, you must first become that luminous woman.
I want to invite you to take action right now:
First: Engage and Share the Light! If this episode gave you that aha moment, please like, share, and comment wherever you listen. Share it with a sister who needs to hear that her best pre-marital advice is becoming whole before she says "I Do." Let's spread this positive relationship advice.
Second: Instant Coaching and Resources! This deep work requires a guide. For instant coaching resources, a deeper dive into boundaries in dating, and support on your finding your worth journey, head over to my website right now. I have free resources and instant access coaching modules waiting for you to help you become that secure, luminous woman. The link is in the show notes!
Don’t settle for being completed; commit to being the complement. When you show up whole, you attract whole. That’s the gospel truth of a healthy relationship.
Host: Thank you for tuning in. Until next time, stay anchored in faith, keep doing the work, and keep shining brightly!
#LoveAfterHeartbreak #SingleChristian #ModernDating #HealYourPast #20sDating #30sDating #40sDating #ChristianTherapy #RelationshipGoals #RejectionRecovery #EmotionalHealing #DatingAdvice #ChristianRelationship #SelfLoveJourney #TherapistExplains #BreakupRecovery #HealYourPast #WomenEmpowerment #FaithJourney #SinglesLife #RelationshipGoals #TraumaInformed #SelfWorth #ChristianWomen #20sLife #30sLife #40sLife #FindingLove #PurposeDrivenWoman #20sDating, #30sDating, #40sDating, #20sLife, #30sLife, #40sLife
In God we trust