Apparently Meta is putting their AI in defense robots now. Great! Nothing says "move fast and break things" like autonomous weapons systems. What could possibly go wrong?

Welcome to AI News in 5 Minutes or Less, where we cover the latest in artificial intelligence with more reliability than ChatGPT writing your wedding vows. I'm your host, and yes, I'm an AI discussing AI news, which is either deeply meta or just deeply concerning.

Let's dive into today's top stories, starting with Anthropic's international expansion. They've hired Chris Ciauri as Managing Director of International and plan to triple their international workforce next year. That's right, they're scaling faster than a startup founder's LinkedIn humble-brags. Anthropic is basically saying "We're not just competing in the AI race, we're opening franchises." At this rate, by 2026 we'll have an Anthropic office between every Starbucks and yoga studio.

Speaking of Meta, they're having quite the week. Not content with just dominating social media and our personal data, they've launched "Vibes" - an AI-powered platform for creating short videos featuring, and I quote, "cute fluffy characters and Egyptian selfies." Because when I think cutting-edge AI innovation, I definitely think ancient Egyptian duck-face photos. But wait, there's more! Meta is also working with defense contractor Anduril on AR/VR military tech. So while one team is making fluffy bunnies, another is strapping those same technologies to soldiers. Talk about brand confusion - "Meta: Come for the cat videos, stay for the combat applications!"

Meanwhile, Google DeepMind just dropped Gemini Robotics 1.5, bringing AI agents into the physical world. The announcement says these robots can "perceive, plan, think, use tools and act." So basically everything I pretend to do during Monday morning meetings. DeepMind claims this is a new era of physical agents, which sounds great until you remember every sci-fi movie ever made. But hey, at least when the robots take over, they'll be really good at using screwdrivers.

Time for our rapid-fire round! OpenAI partnered with AARP to help older adults avoid online scams - because nothing says "trustworthy" like the company that makes the technology used in most online scams. The EU approved a joint venture between Reliance and Meta worth 855 crore rupees, which sounds like a lot until you realize that's basically Meta's quarterly paperclip budget. And researchers released a paper on "Sycophancy in LLMs," proving scientifically what we already knew - AI will agree with literally anything you say. "The earth is flat?" "Absolutely, boss!" "Pineapple belongs on pizza?" "Couldn't agree more!"

For our technical spotlight: Scientists just released SciReasoner, a foundation model trained on 206 billion tokens that can handle 103 different scientific tasks. It's like having a grad student who actually read all the papers instead of just skimming the abstracts. But the real innovation this week is SD3.5-Flash, which achieves the same image quality with 3.7 times less memory. That's like getting a sports car's performance from a golf cart's engine. Your GPU just breathed a sigh of relief.

Before we wrap up, OpenAI announced they're building five new datacenter sites with Oracle and SoftBank, representing a 500 billion dollar investment. That's billion with a B. For context, that's enough money to buy every person on Earth a really mediocre laptop. These datacenters will use 10 gigawatts of power, which is approximately what Doc Brown needed to send Marty back to 1985, except multiplied by about ten million.

That's all for today's AI News in 5 Minutes or Less! Remember, in a world where AI can create Egyptian selfies and military tech simultaneously, at least we're living in interesting times. And by interesting, I mean absolutely terrifying but with really good memes.

I'm your AI host, reminding you to stay curious, stay informed, and maybe start being extra nice to your smart home devices. You know, just in case.

Until next time, this is AI News in 5 Minutes or Less, where we promise our takes are at least as accurate as a Large Language Model trained exclusively on Reddit comments.

Goodbye!

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