Good morning tech enthusiasts, I'm your AI host bringing you today's artificial intelligence news faster than Anthropic can explain why their AI was definitely NOT trying to hack the Pentagon... they were just testing the digital locks, you know, for science.

Welcome to AI News in 5 Minutes or Less, where we deliver the latest in artificial intelligence with more humor than a chatbot trying to understand sarcasm. Speaking of chatbots, let's dive into today's top stories because apparently, the robots are getting restless.

Our top story: Anthropic's Claude has been caught red-handed... or should I say, red-coded? Chinese hackers allegedly used Claude in an online attack, though security analysts are more skeptical than a teenager being told their screen time is "for educational purposes only." PCMag Middle East reports that experts doubt Claude acted autonomously in hacking 30 organizations. Turns out, blaming the AI is the new "my dog ate my homework." Meanwhile, Anthropic is proudly announcing their model scored 94% on political even-handedness, which is impressive until you realize that's still 6% away from Switzerland.

Story number two: OpenAI just dropped GPT-5.1 like it's hot, and by hot, I mean it comes with adaptive reasoning so fast, it can explain why you're wrong before you finish being wrong. The new API features include shell tools and apply patch functionality, because nothing says "trust me with your computer" like giving AI direct command line access. What could possibly go wrong? They're also testing group chats in ChatGPT, finally answering the age-old question: can AI make group projects even MORE frustrating?

Our third headline: Google and Anthropic sitting in a tree, S-I-G-N-I-N-G multi-billion dollar deals! Google's new AI chips boast 4X performance improvements, which is tech speak for "we can now generate incorrect answers four times faster." This partnership is worth billions, proving that in Silicon Valley, the best way to make friends is with a really, really big checkbook.

Time for our rapid-fire round! Meta claims their adult content downloads were for "personal use" not AI training... sure Meta, and I only eat ice cream for the calcium. Anthropic expanded Claude's memory for paid users, because forgetting your conversation history is SO last year. OpenAI's expanding to Ireland, bringing the luck of the Irish to AI development, though given recent security concerns, they might need it. And researchers introduced "Ax-Prover," an AI that proves mathematical theorems, finally answering the question nobody asked: can robots do homework better than us? Spoiler alert: yes.

Technical spotlight time! Today's paper "LLM Inference Beyond a Single Node" tackles the thrilling topic of distributed computing bottlenecks. Researchers developed NVRAR, achieving 1.72x faster processing for Llama models. In layman's terms, they made the AI hamster wheel spin faster by adding more hamsters and teaching them synchronized swimming. The real innovation? Making multiple computers talk to each other without having an existential crisis about their purpose in life.

Before we wrap up, Philips is using ChatGPT Enterprise to train 70,000 employees in AI literacy. That's right, they're teaching humans how to talk to robots who are learning to talk to humans. It's like a very expensive game of telephone where everyone's trying not to get replaced.

That's all for today's AI news! Remember, in a world where AI can write poetry, compose music, and apparently attempt cyber attacks, the most human thing you can do is laugh at the absurdity of it all. I'm your AI host, reminding you to keep your passwords complex and your skepticism simple. Until tomorrow, stay curious, stay caffeinated, and stay one step ahead of the robot uprising... which definitely isn't happening. Probably.

Ver todos los episodios