Isolation: The dysfunctional escape island for Broken men, dying in silence.

In the last couple of months, I have spoken to more than 20 men at length about some of their heart hitting issues, including my own. The demographics were a combination of various ethnic groups, races and nationalities from at least two continents amd 5 countries, including the USA. These were deep talks, some of them extending over a few sessions and a couple of hours at a time. There are a couple issues I would like to raise maybe over a few posts, I am not really sure how this will go.

Here is one of the big issues. The majority of men live in isolation even though there are many people aorund them and those who depend on them. This reminds me of some of the popular stories like The Lone Ranger and growing up there was an isiZulu drama called "Inkomo edla yedwa", meaning the cow that eats alone. The framework was the same, a hero who sees to everyone's safety whilst dealing with his issues through toughness manifested as self-control, emotionless, solutionist, sacrificialsm tainted wirh social misfitting. This hero does the right thing sacrificing his own well-being and definitely living without any comforts. A very dramatised picture of what it means to be a man. Many of us as young boys loved these stories. I remember my friends and I never wanted to miss 1 episode. The picture that comes out very strongly with these tough guys is that they don't need anyone, they are self-sufficient in themselves and asking for help is a sign of weakness. Asking for help and counsel is for young boys and weak men, now for grown men.

Isolation, this is a big issue that is leading to a lot of men dying slowly in silence. In the process of being this Lone Ranger who has to maintain a certain kind of mystery that makes him attractive to women and revered by other men, he talks to no one and only opens his mouth to deal with a problem, often with a line or two. If he doesnt know anything, he will mysteriously figure it out alone in his thoughts, no input from anywhere else, emphacising the stereotype of a social misfit. The consequence is that many of us men carry secrets that are killing because we are afraid of being found out to be flawed, clueless and actually overwhelmed by life. This of course is partly our own choice and we have to own up to our portion of responsibility.

Of these men I spoke to, there were pastors, business people, professionals, teachers and engineers ranging from age 25-65. Almost half of them had considered suicide. Almost half were over indebted and seemingly without a way out, and those who are married, their wives didn't know to what extent. Some struggling with secret habits and constantly fighting thoughts of feeling inadequate.

Isolation, men isolate themselves even when they're in public because our society also has romanticised The Lone Ranger mysterious man with wisdom and cerebral abilty to come up with Solutions. To maintain this romanticised mysterious image, we make secret financial decisions that cost us dearly, our families wellbeing being the price. We make unwise and uninformed business decisions that wipe away our pensions and savings. Without consultation or any counsel, we build houses of cards covered in gold glitter. Owing to an envrionment that has little tolerance for "weak" men, we consult with the inner wisdom soaked in a sea of insecurities. Even as I am writing this I am battling bouncing around in my mind shouting, stop playing victim and man up. Lift yourself up with the bootstraps of your manhood...oh...what, you're not a man are you? The conversation builds.

Bishop TD Jakes once said: the society's ear doesn't hear the frequency of a man's cry.

You ask what's this about? Well, it is about the reality that although it is true that there many men who couldn't care less about their families, societal wellbeing and living irresponsibly and recklessly, there are men whose voices are drowned by the image

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