Every mom has whispered the words “I am a bad mom” — but what if that thought could stop at “I am”? In this heartfelt episode, Kelli unpacks the hidden weight of today’s “blame the parents” psychology, which has many mothers walking a tightrope of guilt and unrealistic expectations. Through personal storytelling, data, and Scripture, she invites moms to reframe self-condemnation through faith. This episode reminds us that motherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence, grace, and finding quiet in the storm.🎙️ Regular episodes every other week with bonus episodes in between.➕Be sure to Follow and Share with a mom friend!✨Enjoy a steady stream of inspirational messages on social channels. Search @GracefullyUnraveledPodcast or click links below!🔗YouTube🔗Facebook🔗Instagram<<transcript>>I am a bad mom.How many times have you told yourself that? Personally, I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count. We live with this quiet fear that we’re somehow messing our kids up. I mean, if we spend time in therapy blaming our parents for how we turned out, certainly our kids will do the same—right? So we start cataloging every blow-up, every sarcastic response, every moment of emotional fatigue like it’s evidence in a trial against our motherhood.Take for example, the recent morning meltdown I experienced with my youngest son. This child has been dressing himself for years without any real conflict- well, with the exception of going from obsessed with jeans one year to only sweats the next displacing a lot of new pants. But, on this school day, I was really caught of guard. I was still coming down from disciplining his older brother, juggling packed lunches, and needing to get dressed for the day when he hollered that he didn't have a shirt to wear despite a likely fifteen being in his drawer. After stopping everything I was managing to go hold up every shirt option, we landed on the perfect solid-colored shirt. But he wasn't done. Next he asked me where a very specific sweatshirt was that he noted as having not seen in over a week. That’s when I lost it. "I can't help you," I finally said. The good news is we made it to school that day, a few minutes late, but we arrived visibly unscathed - but emotionally for me, not so much. Que the guilt spiral. On the drive home, I thought of all the ways I had failed him. What else could I have said to help him discern why the shirts were acceptable yesterday but not today. I was too tired and overwhelmed-it was simply my fault. I could have been more kind, less frustrated. And since my drive is longer than 5-minutes, it was plenty of time for my mom-mind to go entirely of the rails narrating the future impact of my bad parenting moment—he'll grow to hate me, he won’t go to college, he won’t get married, he’ll end up in therapy talking about his mom’s meltdowns. If bad parenting were like speeding tickets, my license would be revoked.It sounds dramatic, but that’s the mental gymnastics a lot of mothers are doing subconsciously. The invisible scorecard of guilt is real — and exhausting.---Welcome back to *Gracefully Unraveled*—a podcast where we explore the sacred messiness of motherhood, identity, and ego. I’m your host, Kelli Lynch, and every other week I share reflections, spiritual insight, a dash of data, and a whole lot of honesty to help us unravel—gracefully and intentionally—together.---News flash - We’re not imagining it. Research shows that over half of mothers, according to a 2023 Pew Research study—say they regularly feel like they’re not doing enough for their children. And the “blame the parents” culture doesn’t help. Popular psychology since the 1980s has overemphasized root causes in early childhood, so now, instead of healing, many of us are stuck in cycles of blame—of others and ourselves.Years ago, when I started writing a memoir, I thought it would bring me a sense of healing to address childhood trauma, to unravel its effect on my life and relationships. I fell into that trap of hope, that "I" could solve whatever was broken. However, more recently I was reflecting on whether I should pick it back up. And I remember hearing this quiet voice say: *“Are you looking for someone to blame?”* That stopped me. It made me wonder how often we reach for blame instead of grace. How often we dwell in what's been **done to us**, instead of rooting ourselves in what God **can do for us**--today.So now I want to flip the script because so much of the parenting dialogue out there today is pressurizing parents to the point of emotional destruction in my opinion. And, let's instead address the elephant in the room. Don’t children traumatize their parents too—or maybe, retraumatize them?Who’s looking out for the parents--mommas in particular?I imagine this like a classroom. Some of you are raising your hands high—eager to say, “It’s my responsibility." And, you have a moment of pride, feeling like an evolved parent who recognizes that we should not hold our children accountable for how we feel or - for how they make us feel. And, while that’s not entirely wrong, it's a woke perspective if you know what I mean. It sounds like the kind of thing one would say to show off, instead of show up--vulnerable in this case.Scholars like Dr. Wendy Middlemiss remind us that parenting behaviors emerge inside a context — stresses, supports, resources, and culture all shape how we show up as parents. In other words, no single parenting ideology (gentle parenting or otherwise) exists in a vacuum — it meets your life. So part of discernment is asking not only ‘what should I do?’ but ‘what can I sustain?’Now there's another batch of you I imagine were half-raising your hands—prepared to answer the question with, “My friends, my spouse, my co-workers—they’re my support system.” And yes, God designed us for community. But here’s the thing: even the best friendships and support groups can’t fully anchor you if your identity is misplaced. Because any foundation built on approval and validation is temporary—it shifts under pressure.Dr. Shefali Tsabary points out something crucial in The Conscious Parent. She says “Our children are here to raise us—to grow us up.” And that means when they trigger us, they’re not just being difficult. They’re often revealing parts of us that are still unhealed." That my friends is an ah-ha moment because just maybe that's God's plan. We are supposed to use difficult moments to grow together in real time - instead of blaming the past or leaving our children to blame us in the future. Presence over performance is one of my favorite phrases, and this is a practice I want to encourage!So what does it mean to be a present mother. Does it mean, looking at your children saying, "I see you and I hear you". YES. But I hope you are tracking with me right now, recognizing that this motherhood thing is so much bigger. Because it's not just about them, it's about you too--and we cannot do this journey on our own. Job 34:29 says, “When He giveth quietness, who then can make trouble?”That doesn’t mean storms won’t come. It means you can stand in the middle of one and still have peace. Because when you’re under spiritual attack—whether it’s guilt, shame, or self-condemnation over something you've done—Christ becomes your armor. Think of yourself as the bomb, and Jesus as the one always ready to cut the right wire.In my own life, I accept that I will still have flare-ups—moments when my kids trigger something deep in me, and I respond in a way that feels unrecognizable. But instead of sitting in the shame of “I am a bad mom,” for too long, I know now that I can bring it to God. Because when rooted in holy consciousness, that statement of I am a bad mom...can stop at “I am.”I am present. I am a child of God. I am saved by His grace.And my hope—the thing I strive for—is that over time, my responses will become less human and more Christ-like. That I’ll hold the quietness of the Holy Spirit so fully that even in chaos, peace will still be my posture.As I mentioned earlier, there is an overwhelming amount of conversation today that pressures mothers to the point of emotional exhaustion. Mom guilt and social shame have even created new parenting movements. So I wanted to be sure to mention today, that while every approach has its merits, I think it’s wise for every mother to know their *why*. Take the gentle parenting craze for example—it’s beautiful in its intent, but for some moms, it can become another impossible standard. We’re already exhausted trying to be the perfect mother, and now we’re told to also be endlessly patient, soft-spoken, and self-regulated.The American Psychological Association has been clear that parental burnout is a real, measurable condition — the mental and physical fallout from prolonged parenting stress — and it’s tied to exhaustion, emotional distancing, and feelings of being ineffective as a parent. That language helps name what many of us feel: this isn’t just ‘in your head’—it’s a recognized phenomenon that often grows out of impossible expectations and chronic pressure.Modern psychological and self-help suggestions often focus on external stress management—like trying to fix or eliminate the surrounding chaos through selective techniques that simply cannot work for everyone—rather than seeking Christ’s offer of inner transformation that has been proven effective for generations. Remember the storm when Jesus was asleep in the boat? Matthew 8:25-26, when the disciples shouted "Lord Save Us" and Jesus replied, "why are you so afraid?" Choosing to follow and trust in Jesus can quiet the external chaos; and provide transformation from the inside out. He doesn’t just offer suggestive strategies—He offers inner renewal, he offers to walk alongside us and guide us we evolve. Sometimes, motherhood feels like that boat—rocking, taking on water. But quietness isn’t the absence of chaos; it’s the presence of Christ in the midst of it. You are never alone.Maybe you had a “bad mom” moment today. Maybe you’ll have another tomorrow. But what if instead of replaying the guilt, you rested in grace—and let the “I am” be enough?You were never called to be a perfect mom. You were called to be a *present* one.This week, when the “bad mom” thought creeps in, pause. Stop at “I am.” Ask yourself—what truth can follow that pause if Christ is in it?Thank you for listening to *Gracefully Unraveled*. Be sure to follow and share the podcast, and check out Instagram for this week’s reflection prompt.Until next time—keep unraveling.

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