In her bestselling book Good Inside, Dr. Becky describes a similar idea: In a relationship, or when interacting with others, it’s important to maintain a mindset that, when you are feeling disappointment, anger, resentment, jealousy, or other negative emotions, you shouldn’t let just one of these emotions control you. Instead, try to hold at least two perspectives or judgments. For example, when you are blaming or criticizing your child, you should also recognize that your child is inherently good, kind, and trustworthy. Your disappointment and anger are directed only at their outward behavior, not their inner self.
Furthermore, when you yell at your child or even say hurtful things, you should have some awareness or reservation in your own heart—perhaps a sense of regret. This feeling of remorse is crucial because you know that your actions are wrong; you are merely venting your emotions. This sense of guilt determines whether you can later calmly talk to your child about what just happened and understand the underlying emotional needs behind their behavior that upset you. After all, behind every undesirable behavior of a child lies a genuine need from deep within them.
The ability to maintain two seemingly opposing feelings, thoughts, or emotions in any situation is essential for sustaining our relationships.

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