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Listen "49. Navigating Complicated Family Relationships Ahead of the Holidays"
Episode Synopsis
In this episode, Sam sits down with Ashley Oerman, author of Motherf*cked, to talk about navigating unhealthy, complicated, and even estranged family relationships. They discuss Ashley's relationship with her mom, which has been difficult for as long as she can remember, and dig into some studies, interviews with mental health professionals, and psychological theories (ever heard of secure vs. insecure attachment?). If you can relate to anything in this episode, the bottom line is a three-parter: 1. It's not your fault. 2. You're not alone. 3. You can heal.
Listen to this episode if you have a fucked up relationship (relative, friend, or even sometimes partner), and you want to feel seen or find healing.
Key moments:
04:20 What a dysfunctional relationship with your mom might look like (Ashley’s personal experience)
07:35 The #1 way it manifested in her adult life
13:11 Realizing her social anxiety and perfectionism were related to her mom
14:36 Resisting (and ultimately accepting) the idea that it was root-cause trauma
15:29 What inspired her to write the book
18:40 How your primary caregiver relationship influences you throughout your life
19:15 Attachment styles and their root causes in parent-child relationships
22:06 Does everything go back to childhood trauma? (Spoiler: Not necessarily!)
22:56 Secure vs. insecure attachment styles
26:26 Insecure attachment in childhood affects your family relationships MORE than your romantic ones
27:08 How our parents can set us up for success vs. screw us up
30:03 Studies that show how our parents continue to influence us as we grow up
30:35 Your closest relationship doesn’t mean it’s your healthiest
31:40 Expectations in messed up parent-child relationships
33:56 Different types of fucked up relationships you could have with your parents/primary caregivers
37:24 You can be close with your parent and it’s still not healthy…ever heard of enmeshment?
38:47 Having empathy for your parent vs. making excuses for them
42:30 What can you do within yourself to navigate these relationships?
43:21 Radical acceptance of these relationships
43:58 How, exactly, to grieve these relationships (even if the other person is still alive)
45:20 How to set boundaries if you suck at setting boundaries
47:32 How do you decide whether low or no contact is right for you?
50:21 Navigating feelings of guilt while setting boundaries
53:05 How talking about it helps
55:11 What it’s like to be on the other side of “doing the work”
Preorder Motherf*cked.
Join WHOOP.
Follow along:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifeincapslock
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@lifeincapslock
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@lifeincapslock
Threads: www.threads.net/@lifeincapslock
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Listen to this episode if you have a fucked up relationship (relative, friend, or even sometimes partner), and you want to feel seen or find healing.
Key moments:
04:20 What a dysfunctional relationship with your mom might look like (Ashley’s personal experience)
07:35 The #1 way it manifested in her adult life
13:11 Realizing her social anxiety and perfectionism were related to her mom
14:36 Resisting (and ultimately accepting) the idea that it was root-cause trauma
15:29 What inspired her to write the book
18:40 How your primary caregiver relationship influences you throughout your life
19:15 Attachment styles and their root causes in parent-child relationships
22:06 Does everything go back to childhood trauma? (Spoiler: Not necessarily!)
22:56 Secure vs. insecure attachment styles
26:26 Insecure attachment in childhood affects your family relationships MORE than your romantic ones
27:08 How our parents can set us up for success vs. screw us up
30:03 Studies that show how our parents continue to influence us as we grow up
30:35 Your closest relationship doesn’t mean it’s your healthiest
31:40 Expectations in messed up parent-child relationships
33:56 Different types of fucked up relationships you could have with your parents/primary caregivers
37:24 You can be close with your parent and it’s still not healthy…ever heard of enmeshment?
38:47 Having empathy for your parent vs. making excuses for them
42:30 What can you do within yourself to navigate these relationships?
43:21 Radical acceptance of these relationships
43:58 How, exactly, to grieve these relationships (even if the other person is still alive)
45:20 How to set boundaries if you suck at setting boundaries
47:32 How do you decide whether low or no contact is right for you?
50:21 Navigating feelings of guilt while setting boundaries
53:05 How talking about it helps
55:11 What it’s like to be on the other side of “doing the work”
Preorder Motherf*cked.
Join WHOOP.
Follow along:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifeincapslock
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@lifeincapslock
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@lifeincapslock
Threads: www.threads.net/@lifeincapslock
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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