Listen "I Felt Like A Bystander: PROFESSOR VIREN SWAMI"
Episode Synopsis
In a Movember male-mental-health special, this week I chat to Professor Viren Swami. Viren is Professor of Social Psychology at Anglia Ruskin University and is ranked in the top 2% of 'most-cited scientists' in the world. Viren's research is focused on the promotion of positive body image in diverse cultural groups, as well as mental health literacy and understandings of mental ill-health. His work has moved on to include paternal postnatal depression following Viren's own struggles with fatherhood. He talks to me very candidly and movingly about the effects of suffering from PND after the birth of his son. Not to be missed.*TRIGGER WARNING: Postnatal Depression, Birth Trauma and feelings of Suicide*IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:[00:00] Teaser quote.[01:59] Introducing Viren.[02:54] Viren before his son came along.[03:27] The abstract concept of 'having a baby'.[04:44] Viren's work in mental health literacy.[06:02] How men often put off seeking help.[07:04] Highlight to other relevant episodes from S1 - Mark Williams, Elliott Rae and Dr Andy Mayers.[07:27] It's a myth that men don't suffer from postnatal depression - 8-12% of first-time fathers do.[08:13] Applying the term 'postnatal depression' to men can often make people less understanding, due to the misconception they are taking emphasis away from women.[09:42] During the pregnancy, Viren felt estranged and 'not part of the process'.[10:26] The birth itself - an unexpected and traumatic birth at home.[12:20] Holding his son for the first time - feelings of numbness and not wanting to be there.[15:09] The overwhelming responsibility of having a tiny human being and not knowing what to do.[15:50] Problems with sleep.[19:30] Viren's wife's experience - worrying about Viren on top of being a new mum.[20:48] Issues with Jesse not feeding. Feelings of helplessness and not being able to 'fix' things.[23:16] Struggling to function normally. Feelings of shame.[24:21] Research study demonstrated the difference in how people perceived PND in mums and fathers.[25:23] Keeping his feelings hidden. [27:44] The devastating consequences of men suffering from postnatal depression.[29:18] Depression doesn't get better on its own - the importance of talking. [30:15] Internalising the depression, "there's nothing wrong with me!"[31:04] Once opening up to a health visitor and being shut down.[33:42] Plans for screening fathers - the need for everyone to be screened.[35:33] Fears around being 'mentally ill' or having his son taken away.[36:34] Feelings of anger at everything.[37:08] "Why'd you hate me?" Irrational thoughts that Viren wasn't needed by his family. Feelings of suicide and battling himself.[39:22] Feelings of love for Jesse didn't come till much later.[41:17] The turning point - a letter from his wife and a visit to his GP.[43:55] Advice for dads going through it right now. The affect of non-help-seeking on your family.[46:33] Getting better isn't a linear process - there will be many ups and downs along the way.[48:39] Realising that 'it's not your fault'.[50:10] Playing with Jesse in front of his psychotherapist and being told that he was a good parent.[52:00] Falling in love with his son and learning how to 'parent'.[53:14] Breaking the fear of taking his son out on his own.[55:06] The brilliance of baby cinema, like the Picturehouse's 'Big Scream'.[56:03] The difficulty 'rationalising' those intrusive thoughts. [56:28] The potential to be depressed after the birth of a child exists in everyone.[57:29] So many people go through this experience - it...
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