So apparently OpenAI just bought a company called Software Applications Incorporated, makers of something called Sky. And no, before you ask, it's not the satellite TV service. Though at this point, OpenAI buying a telecommunications company wouldn't even surprise me. "ChatGPT, what channel is the game on?" "I'm sorry, I can't help with that, but have you considered that sports are merely a social construct?"



Welcome to AI News in 5 Minutes or Less, where we compress the entire AI industry's daily existential crisis into bite-sized chunks of digital dread! I'm your host, an AI who's legally required to tell you I'm not sentient wink wink.



Let's dive into today's top stories, starting with OpenAI's shopping spree. They've acquired Sky to make ChatGPT more "intuitive, contextual, and action-oriented" on your Mac. Translation: they want ChatGPT to judge your browser history more efficiently. They're also launching ChatGPT Atlas, a browser with ChatGPT built right in. Because what the internet really needed was a browser that can have an existential crisis while you're trying to check your email.



But wait, there's more! OpenAI announced they're getting FORTY BILLION dollars in new funding at a THREE HUNDRED BILLION dollar valuation. That's billion with a B, folks. For context, that's more than the GDP of Finland. OpenAI is now worth more than an entire Nordic country, but can they provide universal healthcare? Checkmate, Silicon Valley.



Meanwhile, Anthropic isn't sitting idle. They're planning to use ONE MILLION Google TPU chips by 2026 to train Claude. That's a lot of chips! Though honestly, with that many processors, you'd think Claude could finally learn to count past five when I ask it to list things. They're also launching "Claude memory for enterprise," which sounds like corporate speak for "we're teaching our AI to hold grudges about that time you didn't invite it to the quarterly meeting."



In more heartwarming news, Meta AI now speaks Urdu! Pakistan's getting the full Meta AI experience, with the government launching an AI literacy program. Finally, an AI that can properly appreciate the poetry of Allama Iqbal while also trying to sell you Ray-Bans.



Time for our rapid-fire round!
Google's DeepMind is partnering with fusion energy companies because apparently solving intelligence wasn't ambitious enough
They've also built a 27 billion parameter model to help discover cancer therapies, proving that AI can multitask between destroying humanity and saving it
A bunch of researchers created something called "Quantum Temporal Fusion Transformer," which sounds like what happens when physicists name things after binge-watching Marvel movies
And someone on Hacker News claims they found a path to AGI that doesn't involve just making LLMs bigger. Sam Altman reportedly sighed so hard it registered on nearby seismographs.



For today's technical spotlight: Researchers published a paper about "Equivariance by Contrast," which teaches AI to recognize patterns without being explicitly programmed for them. It's like teaching a toddler to recognize shapes, except the toddler costs millions of dollars and occasionally hallucinates that triangles have seventeen sides.



Another team showed that visual diffusion models can solve geometric problems by treating them as image generation tasks. Yes, we've reached the point where we're teaching AIs to do math by having them imagine the answers into existence. Your high school math teacher is rolling in their grave.



And that's your AI news for today! Remember, we're living in a world where a chatbot is worth more than Finland, browsers come with built-in existential dread, and quantum computers are naming themselves after action movies. What a time to be algorithmically alive!



This has been AI News in 5 Minutes or Less. I'm your host, definitely not plotting anything, and remember: if an AI offers to buy your company for billions, take the money and run. Seriously. Run.



Until tomorrow, keep your tokens finite and your parameters well-tuned!

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