Why do we stay in relationships that don't fulfill us? What invisible forces bind us to partners even when our conscious mind desires change? The answer lies beneath the surface of awareness, in the powerful realm of unconscious attachment patterns formed decades ago.This deep-dive exploration uncovers the second question in my seven-question framework for making conscious relationship decisions: understanding the unconscious factors keeping you tethered to your current partnership. Drawing from Imago Relationship Theory, I explain how our earliest experiences with caregivers create an internal "image" of what love should look and feel like—and how this unconscious template drives our adult relationship choices with remarkable precision.When we're drawn to someone, it's rarely about conscious compatibility. Rather, we're responding to a familiar energetic signature that matches our childhood experiences. The painful truth? Sometimes what feels like "home" isn't healthy or what we consciously desire at all. I share my personal journey with unconscious beliefs about being undeserving of happiness and how these convictions, deeply rooted in my unconscious, contributed to me accepting relationship dynamics that often didn't serve my wellbeing.Depression adds another complex layer to this dynamic. When our nervous system shifts into a dorsal state of collapse and withdrawal, we develop what I call "depression goggles"—a distorted lens that reinforces negative interpretations about ourselves and our relationships. This can make recognizing unhealthy patterns even more challenging since our negatively charged perspective can feel aligned with a relationship that feels emotionally painful, difficult or unsatisfying.An unconscious belief, which can be particularly paralyzing, is that leaving a struggling partner makes you selfish or a "bad" person. I invite listeners to question these moral judgments: Where did you learn that your needs matter less than others'? Where did you internalize the idea that self-sacrifice equals love?Understanding these unconscious factors doesn't necessarily mean ending your relationship—it means gaining clarity about what's really driving your choices. This awareness journey requires gentleness and often professional support, as our minds buried these patterns for a reason. Take just one step today toward greater consciousness, knowing that a more authentic relationship with yourself and others is possible, even when depression shares your bed.- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat! For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

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