We don't always realize, how much of our lives belongs to others, is determined by others. Their concerns, their insistences, their jealousies, their phobias, their happinesses, their frustrations. Their blank stares, their under-the-breath comments, their lack-of-joy. Their obsessions, their obsessive need to control. Their potential reactions, their prejudices, their silences.
 
In time, what we do, indeed, what we become, is a factor of what someone else might want us to be. Covering the entirety of our realities is the miasma of overwrought anticipation.
 
What would she say?
What would she think?
How would she react?
Would she agree?
 
Decisions then genuflect to a person and not to the situation.
And this subsummation is complete when, in time, we forget what we want. In the extreme case, we look to the person for everything we want to say, want to do, and even asking "is this what I want?"
 
This genuflection is ultra-common with Personality Type A people who naturally assume that the world revolves around them - else it would collapse under its own incompetencies. The cost is severe. Allegiance generated is tenuous. And even if such a person is ultra-intelligent, she will find herself to be her greatest enemy.
 
 Thus unhappiness is not always generated, it is excavated, gathered. As if we go into a meadow to obsessively pluck thorns instead of flowers for a bouquet.
 
Relationships invariably require a light touch. The bonds, paradoxically, become stronger when they are tied in gossamer. The responsibility to a relationship comes not from insistencies of history or law or sacrifice. It is far subtler. The strongest ties come from discovery, curiosity, space, respect. 
 
Relationships are never simple. And we do not always help in making them simpler for ourselves.
 

If you liked this poem, consider listening to these other poems on the gossamer nature of relationships - 

Quietly Yours
Lovers as Witnesses
I Fell in Love With You (Again) Beside the Tin of Sardines


Subscribe to my newsletter 'The Uncuts'
Follow me on Instagram at @sunilgivesup.

Get in touch with me on [email protected]
 
The details of the music used in this episode are as follows -

Evacuation by Sascha Ende

Link: https://filmmusic.io/en/song/Evacuation
Licence:  https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Ver todos los episodios