Here’s why although these seem like compliments, they’re not!…“I wish I had the confidence to wear something like that”This makes it sound like the person's clothing choice is an act of bravery because of their body size (you wouldn’t say this to a smaller person)👎“You carry your weight well”Implies that their size is something they need to manage or "carry" in a certain acceptable way👎“You’re not fat, you’re beautiful!”This reinforces the idea that being fat isn’t beautiful👎“You’ve lost weight, you look amazing!”Puts value on weight loss as a prerequisite for beauty or worth👎“I love seeing big people still dress stylish and make an effort in the way they look”It suggests that dressing well or putting effort into appearance is something unexpected for people in bigger bodies, reinforcing harmful stereotypes that larger people don't typically care about themselves👎“Good for you for loving your body!"Suggests that loving a fat body is rare or difficult👎“You’re not fat, you’re just big-boned!"This comment tries to dismiss or downplay a person’s size and reinforces that they can’t accept their body/big is not good👎“I wish I had your attitude and/or confidence!"Implies that a fat person’s confidence is surprising or that they "shouldn't" feel good about themselves👎"You look great for your size!"Suggests that there are separate standards for fat people, implying that someone is only attractive *despite* their size👎Here’s what you can say in response to backhanded compliments❣️“I know you mean well, but that comment actually feels backhanded. Please don’t make that comment again” *and redirect the conversation or walk away*Ask for clarification -“What do you mean by that?“This usually makes them think about what they’ve just said and hopefully they realise it’s not ok but if not it allows you to explain to them why what they’ve said isn’t okBe straight up! (I use this one with family/friends) -“Sounds like the Fatphobia/Internalised Fatphobia in you is talking”This allows them to realise they are being Fat phobic and in turn realise what they’ve said is not ok👎
More examples 👇"I’m so proud of you for going to the gym/being active!"This can sound condescending, as if it’s shocking for a fat person to engage in fitness, reinforcing harmful stereotypes about inactivity and laziness👎“You’re so brave for wearing that!”Suggests that their body doesn’t usually "deserve" that type of clothing👎"I could never pull that off!"Implies that the person is somehow unusual or unexpected for wearing something fashionable or bold👎

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