How much screen time is too much screen time for your kids or teens? How do you teach your kids basic social skills for things like making connections, finding a job or managing relationships? We will address all of these questions in this episode. with Kirt Manecke as my guest. Kirt is an award winning author and founder of Smile Online Course and Books, helping parents teach their kids social skills & career readiness for teen success.To learn more about Kirt and his curriculum visit:https://www.smilethebook.com/To purchase Kirt's latest book visit: https://amzn.to/3DT8AxmHere is a link to the Thomas Kersting book mentioned by Kirt in this episode: https://amzn.to/3Pu6jLqCreate your podcast today! #madeonzencastrhttps://zencastr.com/?via=thefatherhoodchallengeTranscript - Raising Teens Who Are Confident at Life---How much screen time is too much screen time for your kids or teens?How do you teach your kids basic social skills for things like making connections,finding a job, or managing relationships?We will address all of these questions in just a moment, so don't go anywhere.Welcome to the Fatherhood Challenge, a movement to awaken and inspire fathers everywhere,to take great pride in their role, and a challenge society to understand how important fathers areto the stability and culture of their family's environment.Now here's your host, Jonathan Guerrero.Greetings everyone, thank you so much for joining me.I'm excited to have Kurt Manecke with me.Kurt is an award-winning author and founder of Smile Online Courses and Books, helping parentsteach their kids social skills, career readiness, 14 success.Kurt, thank you so much for being on the Fatherhood Challenge.You're welcome, Jonathan, thank you so much for having me.Okay, here is my favorite part.What is your favorite dad joke?I love this dad joke.What did the Buffalo say to his son on the first day of school by son?I've always loved that one.Yeah, I love it too.I think I've heard this one maybe once before, but it's been so long.It's still funny.It is.I remember it from like 20 years ago, so when you asked me to come up with something, I hadto remember.I knew it was about a Buffalo, and then I thought, "Oh, that's right."I was a bison, so I thought there was kind of cute.Thank you for sharing that.Oh, you're welcome.Thank you.Kurt, what is the story behind why you founded Smile Online Courses and Books?That's a great question, Jonathan.Years ago, when I got out of college, I was partners in a startup, especially retail business,and it was very technical.That was when Windsurfing was popular in line skates with roller blades.Everything was technical.And a lot of teenagers wanted to work at our store because they thought it was the coolplace to be.What was a business?And I had created a six-week training program to give the employees confidence, and theyhad to go through that before they were allowed to interact with customers.And it worked very well.We had a very successful store because of these great teenagers.They were very friendly, very knowledgeable.But we'll fast forward years later.I noticed a lot of companies.As you probably do, too, weren't training their employees.They weren't greeting people properly, not answering the phone properly.So, my first book was based on my training course.It is called Smile, Selmore with Amazing Customer Service.It's a 60-minute crash course in customer sales and service.So then I wrote my next book that we're talking about today.Smile and succeed for teens.And it kind of came about because of all these moms and teachers saying that the kids don'thave the people skills.I also noticed it when I'd go in businesses, I'd notice, and I didn't blame the teenagers.But I would notice that the teen, and I could relate to this, wouldn't say anything to thecustomers.And I knew that he had not had the tape of training that I provided to give him cameraher confidence in my retail store.So it came about from that.The online course came because of COVID.I'm a big proponent of kids having a physical book in their hand to read.I shouldn't say kids, young adults.So that's kind of how it all started.And the teen book is done really well.It's helping a lot of kids, and I'm thankful for that.Why are teen years such a critical time to master social and career soft skills?Well, when you think about it, their next step is to either go to college or go get a job.And if they don't have these soft skills at that point, it's going to be difficult forthem in college.They're not going to make a lot of friends.And if they do get a part-time job, or if they go great from high school to college orcollege to work, I mean, I'm sorry, high school to a job, they've got to have thesesoft skills.That's what these employers are looking for.And when you look at surveys for employers, that's exactly what they say.That's what I looked for.When I had teens coming in my storage, I didn't have a job position available.If they had good people skills, I would ask them if they could, I'd say, do you have a minutefor a quick interview?If they made good eye contact, we're just friendly because I hired for attitude, trainedfor skill, as they say.And if they were friendly, I was always thinking, oh, I could trust this person with Jonathanor my customers.And that's how employers think.So that's why it's so important.I'm a big proponent of having them learn this as early as possible, even kindergartenfirst grade, but it seems like high schools, when most educators and parents are using thesematerials.So it really sounds like in the interview process, a lot of times we think, oh, the interviewactually begins when we sit down in an office somewhere and then the questions begin, theinterview is started.And for you, the interview starts at the very first meeting, at the very first instance ofeye contact, the interview has officially begun, whether they realize it or not.Well said, that's spot on and it's funny you said that because I'm looking at, remember,on the back cover of my book, I have make a powerful first impression.And that's what it's all about.Are teens better or worse now than previous generations at social and career skills?And what are the differences from generation to generation?You know, I would not want to be a teenager these days.I think it's a lot tougher on them with social media and the bullying and the phones.So I think, and this is nothing against the teens.It's not their fault.I think it's harder for them.I think they're worse off now because of that.I mean, think about it, somebody post a picture of you online and last forever.So the differences now are, you know, kids are dealing with social media pressures, bullying,peer pressure, the screens, the phones.And because of that, they're losing, they're not getting the social skills practice.So I think there were so before, like my generation, I'm a baby boomer, we didn't have anythat.Because we, I didn't have to worry about phones, you know, employees with phones, which isgreat.That started with the next generation, which I don't know.I should know this.I think it's the millennials.But so that's the difference.I think they're worse off now.And I just, I feel bad for them.That's a lot of, a lot of pressure.I agree.It is.And that leads me to wonder what is so addictive about phones that is causing teens to juststay there and locked into a whole different world and they can't interact with the realphysical world.That's another great question, Jonathan.You know, I'm fortunate enough because of my book, I'm connected with a lot of psychiatristsand counselors, school counselors, social workers across our country.So they're really the experts with this and they have taught me that, you know, this addictionyou're talking about is the same thing as when people go to casinos and pull that lover.You know, they get a burst of dopamine and the same thing when these young people areand us too when we're on social media, you know, you look at something you like it, thensomething else comes up similar to it because that algorithm knows what you like.So they'll keep those young people on there as long as possible to get the ad revenuein the eyeballs.That's what makes it so addicting.And that's the problem with just giving somebody a phone.It's not that the phone is bad.It's just they'll get on there and they'll be on there for hours.And then parents allow it.So our parents just clueless and they're not aware of what's going on and they're notaware of the addiction or our parents mindful of it.And there is there some reason why they allow their kids to be on phone so much or screensin general.I love that question.I've often wondered that too.And I just had a great meeting last week with a group of experts, child psychologistsand social workers, counselors and people that work with parents and they have a better answerthan even I do.And they basically said it's fear of missing out, you know, they call it fomo.And they said, you know, what happens with a lot of parents, they're afraid of not givingtheir child a phone, but they don't understand the consequences.They don't understand the brain development and what actually happens like you talkedabout the addiction.So they're not understanding that because they've never been exposed to it.And one of the parent coaches brought up a good point.She said, you know, a lot of the parents unfortunately, why don't avoid conflict.They don't want to have the know from there.They don't want to have to tell their son or daughter know they're almost like being theirfriend.So she has to tell them, well, you avoided conflict.So now you have to deal with the consequences.Now we have to fix what's happened to your young adult and why they're not doing wellwith social skills.So I think it's a whole combination of that.Those are some of the things they've told me and they've just basically said, you know,you've got to be their parent.You're doing them a favor by saying no to these devices and social media, especially.A lot of the experts I have spoken to and some of them are authors who have written greatbooks.They've said, give it a week or two.It'll be hard, but your son or daughter will actually be really relieved and happythat they don't have it.They don't have all those pressures.And think about that time that we all spend on screens that can be used for, you know,being out in nature and other activities that kids can do to enjoy themselves ratherthan, you know, what do we really get?What are the really the benefits of a teenager being on the screen on a screen?I don't think anybody can give me like one.There really isn't.There are other elements that are important to consider when it comes to giving phonesto teens or preteens.And that is trafficking.This is where a lot of trafficking instances begin.I've actually had guests on the program, parents who have experienced this with their team.And thankfully have rescued their team from a trafficking situation in the nick of time.So this is where this begins.So kids are being exposed to pornography at earlier ages than what has been in the past.Access to it has become easier.And when kids get into, once they get exposed to it, once they see it, it's hard to turnback from it.It can ruin their perception of relationships of what a good relationship is.And the social skills at this point, everything goes out the window.So there's so much damage that just makes it not worth it.I'm glad you brought that up.There's a great book called Disconnected by Thomas Kersting.He was a school psychologist.Now he's in private practice.But what he basically says is, you know, and I don't blame the parents.This is a really tough time to parent.He said, you know, he gets so many questions from parents.What is the right age for me to give my kid a phone?And he says, when you want them to be exposed to pornography.And what you said about the predators on there and the trafficking, it is terrible.And I forgot what they call it, but it's where, you know, they trap that individual intothinking it's a young lady, his age of it's a, if it's a male teenager.Oh, send me some naked pictures of you.I'll send you something.Me.And then they say, okay, get us $10,000.We're going to post these publicly.So like you're saying this, this, this, it's not worth it.You know, again, what benefit do they get from a screen?And I know it's tough.It's peer pressure, but I think it's an easier life for teens if they have limited accessto it or maybe no phone for a while.So let's flip this around a little bit.What can dads do to connect more with their teens without screens?I think there are so many activities, you know, take the dog for a walk, go out in nature.You know, kids love it.Once kids get outside in the woods, they may kick, you know, kick and scream against it.But once they get out in the woods, if there's a local park or, you know, a state park orsomething, get them hiking, get them out in trails, go to sporting events, you know, whenyou go out to a restaurant, don't have your phone out as an adult and don't allow yourkids to have them out.Have a nice meal together and talk and find out what your young adult, maybe they havea passion.Maybe there's something they would like to volunteer as a family together and, and go do.I mean, I've gone to Pet Smart on the weekends.They're always looking for volunteers and it's fun.There's nice people, there's animals, you know, kids love teenagers, love dogs and cats.I would recommend that go with your, go with your, if you're dead, go with your sons, hey,let's go help out.Let's go help out this week or let's go go for a day and walk the dogs.I mean, I'll tell you these young adults love being around those animals and it feelsgood to be helping also.So those would be a few things I would recommend.Now let's go shift a little bit towards skills.What are some things that dads can teach now?So maybe some tips from your book, obviously read the whole book because you're not goingto get everything here.But what are some simple tips, things that dads can do now to help their kids improve theirsocial skills and be prepared for job interviews and, and see results right away?A few things.I think it's really important that if you go to a restaurant with your family, providethe example first.The first time you go, you tell your son or daughter, you know, that, okay, I'm going to order,but next time we come here, I'm going to have you order.And then you do that.You show them by example.And then the next time say, okay, Ted, you know, go ahead and as your dad, I'd like tosee you order.And they can talk to the waiter or waitress, make the order or if you're calling to ordera pizza, have them make the phone call.A lot of young adults are not comfortable calling.The other thing I highly recommend is either go to a farmer's market or be a mystery shopperand go shopping at your son or daughter's favorite store and ask them, okay, let's seehow, why don't you tell me what the people are doing right and what they could improveupon as far as social skills were you greeted when you walked in that business or walkedup to that farmer's market booth?Was the person on their phone or were they paying full attention to you?Did they say please and thank you?And then have your son or daughter practice these skills when they go into an establishment.Just practice, just practice, make, that's the first page in my book.Smile and say hello, where if they're at work and you can do role playing with this orhave your, if you have two teens have them role play, just practice when somebody walksin saying, hi, how are you today?That's a big advantage over a lot of unfortunate so simple, but you walk in all these placesand nobody says hi to you, so get them, get them started doing that.And I've got mock interview, you know, you can do mock role playing for job interviews.I think that's really important where the dad can be the employee and the son or daughtercan be the employer and then switch it around.Get them really comfortable with, you know, some of the common questions, tell me aboutyourself, you know, why do you want to work here?Things like that.So those are some ways I would start and just make sure that even as a family, they'resaying, please, and thank you.And when somebody says thank you, they're answering with your welcome, not, yeah, not no problem,but you're welcome and good eye contact and a good smile and good body language standingup straight.Talk a little bit about feedback, accepting feedback.That's really important.It's funny you mentioned that, John, and because just yesterday I saw something in an articlethat said, if you can't, if that, if you can't accept feedback graciously, you will neverbe successful.And I think we all have problems with the challenges with it, but I think of a young adult can acceptfeedback.And if it's given in a positive way, and a young adult can realize that it's not criticism,we all need it.And it's to help them get better at something and feel more comfortable.So I would, when I had my retail store, for instance, I would tell my teens, I'm not criticizingyou.You can tell me things that I can improve them on.This is to make you feel more comfortable, but give it a try.And then they'd come up and say, oh, you're right.That made me feel so much more confident with the customer that I asked them.I listened and I asked them, what will you be using these roller blade skates for?So it's helpful.It's not something that's criticizing.How do you prepare a team for a hostile conflict?What we used to teach in my store is, first of all, say, I'm sorry.That's huge.I'm sorry.I had a problem the other day with a business, and the woman never said, I'm sorry or anything.And I didn't really mind, but it would have been nice if they said that.So the first thing I taught my staff, which were mainly teenagers, just listen.You know, respect that person, say, I'm so sorry.This happened.Why don't you tell me what happened?And then tell them, again, I'm so sorry to happen.Make good eye contact.And depending on what the situation is, you could ask them, what, what, what, what do you feelwould be a fair way to deal with this?And if you're not, you know, if you don't have the authority to do anything about it, youcan say, you know what, I'm so sorry this happened.Let me go get my manager who can help you and deal with it that way and make sure you'resaying, please, and thank you.A lot of times when you just listen and they vent and they get it out of their system,and you say, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry this happened.Let's make sure we can get this corrected.They're usually fine.I mean, people I've dealt with, if you don't do that, then it just, you know, I'm sorry.It just explodes and it snowballs into a huge problem from a minor little fire.So that's what I would role play a lot of times with my staff as situations.But I'll tell you, John, we never had many problems because, because people would come in ourbusiness and immediately we'd say, like, hi, John, I'm the new radio today.It's nice to see you and all of a sudden they're happy.So a lot of it is the attitude of the employee from the very start, making that great firstimpression.And that diffuses most people.You know, a lot of people walk in and they're expecting a problem.They're thinking, oh, nobody's going to say hi to me.Nobody's going to help me or they're going to harm me.This is not going to be a good experience.And if you pleasantly surprise them, the problem they had all of a sudden isn't that big.So let's talk about a phone customer service role.Sure.If the team is already used to being on their phone a lot, does that necessarily mean thatthey will have the skills to be able to manage a customer service role that is just phoneonly?Not at all because most teams, as you know, don't talk on the phone.You know, they're texting, you know, using it for social media, taking pictures.But no, they're not.Most teams have napkin taught what we used to do is a lot of role playing and dads cando this with their son or daughter.They can be the dad can be the employer and the team, you know, the team can be the customercalling in, then switch roles.So I used to teach them, you know, it's not, it's not, hey, you know, John's, John'sskate shop.It's good morning.It's John's skate shop.This is Tim, how may I help you?Whatever the business is, you're greeting that, you know, your, your smile shines throughthe phone and your positive and upbeat.I used to get people want to answer the phone that way, they'd say, oh my gosh, what a difference,you know, I never, it's just, the team will get confidence because the customer is goingto say, how nice, what a nice welcome.But they don't, they usually don't have those skills to do that.On your website, you have a lot of curriculum.So tell me about your curriculum, explain a little bit about what a dad would get outof taking that course and how it would help them navigate this process of preparing theirteam for life socially.I have the main book, which, and the differentiator with my products is their quick and easy to read.I spent a lot of time for my smile and succeed for Teens book.I spent nine months meeting with teenagers, even though it was based on my first book,which also I spent a lot of time getting rid of any wasted words.So they're low-reading levels for comprehension.The team book is a fourth-breeding level.It doesn't mean that it's dumbed down.It just means we got rid of any words that get in the way of comprehension.So it's quick, easy to comprehend.But what they get is the book, which is a crash course, and there's a parent's guide available.When you get those two, it's called a teen success kit.So the teenager gets the book.The parent has the parent's guide.So they don't have to go through the book and try to make up questions.All the work is done.This was suggested to me to create by parents.And they can do mock interviews with their son or daughter.They can do the customer service scenarios.I also have a teaching guide if they happen to be a teacher.I have classroom packs.But for most parents, I recommend the teen success kit, which is the book and the parent'sguide.Now if they'd rather be online with it, the online course is the exact same contentas the smile and succeed for teens book.We just poured the words right into the online course.So the online course is great if the young adult would prefer to do it online.And then I'd still recommend the parent's guide, the physical parent's guide for the parent.The online course is the same as the book.Other than we added curated videos to reinforce the concepts because it's online and interactivequestions and answers.So I also have an audio book version of it and an ebook version of it.So I tried to make it so that the teen or young adult could digest it in whatever way theyprefer.But the parent would definitely want the parent's guide no matter how the teen is digestingsmile and succeed for teens book.If that makes any sense.I've hit you know on my website if people go there, there's a testimonials page and I haveover 200 testimonials on from teachers on, you know, on the book.I had a young lady that when we first made the online course, she's in Southern Ohio andshe's a student and she was actually helping us test the course.My friend, Diane, was a principal in Southern Ohio.Now she's a teacher and she knew this young lady who was in the 11th grade and she wentthrough the course and she said, oh my gosh, I wish I would have had this and, you know,I wish our high school had this because I'm not ready for jobs.But after going through your course, I'm really confident.And I think I could go get a job in a minute and I do really well at it.So it's just the basics, but a lot of these young people, they don't have confidence.It's high anxiety with their mental health.And every sentence I wrote in my solutions, I thought, oh, this will give that young adultconfidence because I remember being a middle schooler and not having confidence.I didn't have these resources available to me.So I have had a lot of just a tons of great testimonials, people telling me stories.I had a woman that runs a restaurant in Greek town and she was going to fire one of herwaitresses because they weren't being nice to police officers.They didn't like police officers.Greek town is a big area down in downtown Detroit where they have the casinos and the RedWings play.So she bought three of my books for her waitresses and then came back, this was at a local store,she bought them.So I'm hearing this story from the store owner and then she went back and bought seven moreand she said that next morning the waitress got a $20, that same waitress, she was goingto fire got a $20 tip from a police officer the next morning.And so she said these, wow, I would pay the store owner said the woman said to her, Iwould pay $1000 for this book.So those are the kind of success stories and from schools I usually get a lot of teachersthat will just say I'm already noticing the kids are more comfortable.They're making good eye contact.They're standing up straight.In fact, I had one, it was funny.There was one teacher that said she used the book in her school and at graduation whenthe principal was shaking the kids' hands, the student's hands, the principal came upto the teacher and said, I expected Lucy, Lucy handshakes and poor eye contact.They all had great handshakes, great eye contact and they were standing up straight and theteacher said it's from the book.So it's full of great testimonials like that because I had a lot of people help me writethe book, moms and teachers and teenagers.It's not just me.I knew the basics from my store or the training program, but you know, a lot of peoplegave me great input to put this together.How can dads learn more about your course or get your books?They can go to my website, www.smilethebook.com and there's the online course there and if theyclick on books, they can pick whatever book they want.There's also the teen success kit in the drop down menu under books so they can go that way.My books are also on, the online course isn't but my books and audio book and ebook areon Amazon.Just make sure if you get the book, it said it's sold by Amazon and printed by Amazon,ship by, I'm sorry, sold by Amazon and ship by Amazon.I only say that because they just found a couple of counterfeiters that are taking my ebookvery, and they're selling print books on there.So it wouldn't be under Amazon's name and they're very low quality because the ebook doesn'tprint good.So I don't want people to get a low quality book.So again, sold by Amazon, ship by Amazon, not sold by Riley and company and shipped by Amazon.So just so they get a good quality.Just to make these easier, also if you go to the fatherhoodchallenge.com, that's the fatherhoodchallenge.com.If you go to this episode, look right below the episode description and I will have thelinks posted there for your convenience.Kurt, as we close, what is your challenge to dads listening now?Three things to start.Have a family meal with your son or daughter.One day a week where there's no phones or if you go to a restaurant and have a family mealwith your no phones with where there's no phones and just talk to them.Ask them, you know what, how was your week?What do you like to do?What are you looking forward to?Things like that.What are you passionate about?Are there causes you're interested in helping within the world?Things like that.The other thing, if they do have grandparents or if they can visit a senior living center,take them to the grandparents and no phones.Have them get used to talking to other people face to face and doing that in a way that'sgoing to help the other person too, like the grandma and grandpa or at a senior assistedliving center.I mean, a lot of those people never get to see anybody.So I think it would be great to arrange a situation where you can go in and just talkto some of the residents that are just relaxing, you know, there's usually a living area,kind of a living room area in the center.I would do that.And I want to reiterate that that mystery shopping experience, once you go through thetechniques in my book with your son or daughter, then take them into a store and say, okay,tell me, you know, and there's a there's a sheet you can print out on the parents guidethat's got a mystery shopping experience.Just fill that out, just see what type of service you had when you went in this store.The other thing I would say is let your son or daughter get a part time job.That's so important for so many reasons.Even if it's four hours a week, kids are not working part time jobs now.They're losing that confidence.They're afraid to make mistakes, high anxiety because of this.This will lower their anxiety.It will let them learn.It's okay to make mistakes.They can practice their social skills.That would probably be my number one tip.And if you don't want them to get a part time job, go volunteer with them somewhere witha local rotary club or like I said in PetSmart, but get them out using practicing those socialskills.And even if it's just a simple skill is okay today son, let's just go and we'll both practicesaying, saying hello to somebody being a good icon, Tim.Just that start with that.If there are more advanced than go into the more advanced techniques in my book.It has been absolutely honor having you on the Fatherhood Challenge.I've learned so much from you and I know the audience has.So thank you so much.Oh you're welcome, John.And then thank you very much for having me.I really enjoyed it.Thank you.Thank you for listening to this episode of The Fatherhood Challenge.If you would like to contact us, listen to other episodes, find any resource mentioned inthis program or find out more information about the Fatherhood Challenge.Please visit thefatherhoodchallenge.com.That's TheFatherhoodChallenge.com.[BLANK_AUDIO]Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/thefatherhoodchallengepodcast/donations

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