If you or one of your children has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I brought a dad on the program diagnosed along with his child with bipolar disorder. George Brooks will share his experience and insights with us about living and functioning daily with bipolar disorder and the challenges of raising a son with the same diagnosis.To get help or advocacy support for bipolar disorder, call the Meta Association at: (214) 810-6518. Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastrhttps://zencastr.com/?via=thefatherhoodchallengeTranscription - A Dad Navigates Bipolar Disorder---Did you know that if a parent has bipolar disorder, the child has a 10 to 25% chance of developingbipolar disorder? If you or one of your children has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder,I brought a dad on the program diagnosed along with his child with bipolar disorder. He will sharehis experience and insights with us in just a moment, so don't go anywhere. Welcome to theFatherhood Challenge, a movement to awaken and inspire fathers everywhere to take great pride intheir role and a challenge society to understand how important fathers are to the stability andculture of their family's environment. Now here's your host, Jonathan Guerrero. Greetingseveryone. Thank you so much for joining me. My guest is George Brooks. I asked George to comeand talk to us about his life growing up with bipolar diagnosis and then raising a son with thesame diagnosis. George, thank you so much for coming on the Fatherhood Challenge. Thank you. Thankyou for having me on. George, let's start with an explanation of bipolar disorder. What is bipolardisorder? Well, bipolar disorder is characterized by mood swings. Those mood swings can go fromextreme depression to what's called mania. And when you're in a manic state, you're very high energy.You usually have a sense of elation. During that time, I just want a lot of people find themselvesgetting in a trouble because your impulsivity is really bad off. So when someone's manic,they really have to be watched and monitored. But it can fluctuate between a depressed state to whereyou can't get out of bed, to a manic state to where you could be exhibiting risky behavior and thingslike that. So that's typically what bipolar disorder is described as. I know back in the 60s,they call the manic depression. So it's the same thing. But it's just characterized between mood swingsthat can be controlled or not controlled with medication. How many people do you thinkapproximately might be undiagnosed just because of how the definition changed from the 60s till today?I don't think the I think the verbites change. However, I don't think the definition changedall that much. Now, the thing with diagnosing bipolar disorder is that it can it can look like somany different things, so many different physical conditions, mental conditions. I mean, if you have abad thyroid, some of the symptoms from that could look like bipolar. So in order to diagnose itaccurately, there really has to be a thorough, thorough medical exam, physically and mentally to diagnose it.But I think people are being misdiagnosed, yes, only because like I said, it massed so many differentillnesses. So if someone thinks they have it, it sounds like it's important that they don't try toself-diagnose. And instead, they seek professional help. So to get a diagnosis or confirm a diagnosis,would they go to a psychiatrist for that? I always urge people to go to their physician also.I get a physical check out to go ahead and rule that out is being a possible cause or any symptoms.Then of course, follow up with a therapist and a psychiatrist and get help for that and get anexamination and see if you can get an official diagnosis. Also with that diagnosis, you may find thatis not bipolar. It may be something else that's unrelated that you can get treatment for as well.And if it is a diagnosis, bipolar disorder is treated with medication and therapy or how dowhat does the outcome look like for that? Well, see that's the thing. When you're bipolar, you reallyhave to individualize your kid or what's going to work for you. And it's so many different variablesthat go into it such as your age, your economic situation, what stage you are in life, what stage youare in your illness. So, it will work for me because I also had a concurrent cocaine addiction.So I had to treat both of those at the same time. But my formula was the therapy, whichI ignored for a long time until I actually got into therapy six years ago and realized the value of it.And I combined that with my medication and holistic approaches such as making sure I do my self-care,making sure that I'm taking time, taking breaks. So that in combination with the medicationand therapy does help give me balance. The thing is, even if you're treating bipolar disorder,you're still going to have fluctuations, you're still going to have ups and downs. But themedication, the therapy and the holistic approach can help keep you balanced to where you can kind ofminimize those. And at the very least, if you have a good support system, and I don't want to leave thatout, it's key to have a good support system because people can also tell if you're starting to gointo a manic state and he'll intervene. They may say, "George, you know, I know as you're a littleratted today, you okay." And sometimes they can go a long way because that's what I've done with myson, Joshua. He was diagnosed about 8/7 and we sort of feel that role with each other. So there's alot to treating bipolar disorder. There's a lot to managing it, managing it, but the thing is, it canbe managed. What is your story of being diagnosed and growing up with bipolar disorder? Wow.I started to own symptoms about 8/7 when I was about 7 years old, which is coincidentally the sameage my son was diagnosed. He was diagnosed with 7 and I started to own symptoms at 7.Growing up with it was very, very interesting in the sense that my parents were not to norm in termsof many black parents because they believed in getting help. They didn't say, "Well, you're not goingto church enough, but that's not real." They said, "No, it's something going on. We need to treat it."And you can't just pray this away. So they really started my mindset to be active about my treatment,but due to the extended circumstances through adolescence, you know, it was not easy for me.dealt with a lot of trauma in my early life dealt with family issues, dealt with health issues,chronic health issues from about 8/7 that still are on me to this day.dealt with the pressure of being an adolescent, dealt with an eating disorder where I was obese,most of my teenage years. So you add all that in and then you just suppose that with a society thatdoes not understand mental illness, especially in a black community and you're going to have a problem.So it was very challenging coming up. It was very challenging dealing with things, but I made it through.And I think in age 46, I formulated a system in a way of living with my progress order that's beenbeneficial to myself and my son. So it sounds like the deck was really stacked against you as far asfiguring this out. You have so many different challenges going on in your life and this comes back tounderstanding what you said earlier. When I asked you, you know, as the treatment pretty straightforward is it just pop a pill and and get therapy and that's it, you're good to go andand you said no because everyone's circumstance is so different. And so what is required to manage itlikewise is very different. And when you explain some of the circumstances that you were going through,that was really complicated. How long did it take them to figure out something that was going towork for you? What day is it? Because here's the thing, typically about polo disorder,when you get your official diagnosis, which I was given mine at age 25. It typically takes, and I'veheard different numbers on this, about 10 years to fit them to find a cocktail of medications that'seffective. I've been on so many different medications since, you know, all my life trying to finda routine that works. You may find three or four cocktails that make a cocktail that may workbeautifully with your bipolar. For six months, four a year, if you're lucky two years, but yourbody chemistry changes, you know, you're dealing with the chemical imbalance and you're dealing with the,you know, external stem-alive real life. So things are going to be changing so much and there'sso many new drugs and they have so many different effects and things like that is really tough to finda combination that works. Now they typically go with an antidepressant, a mood stabilizer,and something for mania. That's usually what they do. They usually give three. For a long time, I was onlithium, which if you know anything about lithium, it's extremely, extremely effective, but the sideof fix is so bad, I can't take it. I wish I could, but I can't. So that's one of the challenges too is thatthey're being an effective medication, but you can't take it for whatever reason, whether these sideeffects or availability or cost. You know, that's a crime of kill this you're being bipolar. We havestate meds every day, usually multiple times a day. And that's something to manage too because a lotof times you're insurance will not cover it if you have insurance. So there's so much that goes ina managing it just from a pharmaceutical level and from a therapeutic level, but the life managementskills was really, was really important. This one thing I speak on is to overall life managementand people management and time management that goes into the bipolar disorder because it's a constant.It's always there. It's always there. And the sad thing is that oftentimes you can't even have a good daywithout questioning am I manic. If I have a good day, I'm so worried if I'm having a good day becauseI'm really having a good day or am I having a good day because I'm manic or it's just real. So that'ssomething I encounter all the time. So that's another part that makes it a little bit difficult to deal with,but it can like I said, it can be managed as long as you have the right, you know, right,apparatus, apparatus in place and you have the right support system.You mentioned your son was also diagnosed. How early did you say he was diagnosed and what were someof the signs that you picked up on that was your clue? He's 19 now. So he was diagnosed about 87.Some of the symptoms I saw were mood swings, being very overly emotional. I just felt it. I justfelt that my wife at the time really saw it too. And we got him diagnosed and everything. Now he livedwith his mother. He and his mother are now not together. He lived with his mother. She had primarycustody up until a certain point. And one of the things that raised the child about polo disorderis that unfortunately sometimes you have another period to deal with. You have their family to deal with.And especially if you know how ignorant they are, they may fight you on getting your child here.That's what I deal with. I couldn't get my son all his medications like I wanted to becauseI was come back, you know, had a combat of relationship with her and her family. So that got in theway a lot. But I was given, I went and fought for custody. I've him was given custody of him.And even then it's still a challenge because he has his own ideas about his treatment, especially as ateenager. You know, I don't think I need medicine. I don't think I need this. I think I need that.And that's another challenge. And raising a bipolar child is that you do have to educate them,make them feel safe, teach them how to manage, but also there'll be times when you'll butt heads withthem over their treatment because you may be older and have experience and know what's best,but at the same time you have to individualize that for your child. So it can be quite, quite complicated.Was it helpful at all for your son to understand that you're going through and have gone throughthe exact same thing and you're walking this journey together? I think it's one of the things that'sreally, but we've always been extremely close, but it's a bond that we have because if I'm manic orif I'm having a good day, he'll tell me, dad, I can tell something's wrong and we kind of keepeach other in check like that. So he, I think he understands what I go through. I definitely, especially,not only the fact that we're both bipolar, but I'm his father, I can pick up on his moods.I can look at him and tell, okay, this is going on and that's going on. And what I do at thatpoint, what he'll do at that point is that we'll pull each other inside and we'll talk about it.We'll talk about what's going on. We'll talk about the medication. That's been such a fortunatething for me to have that kind of relationship with my son. What are some of the stereotypes associatedwith bipolar disorder and how does that contrast with the truth? That is somehow a character flaw,especially in a black community. You're seeing his last thing. You can tell him, you drown abag of puppies. They won't say a word, but you tell him you have mental illness and I swear theywill, they won't run from you. What the truth is is that it's just an illness, just like anything else,it's just like my diabetes, it's just like my heart defects, it's just like other things I have goingon would be physically, which is a lot. I just have to manage it just the same way I wouldanything else, just like I have to take my moods, they belong to my hand, or the person.Two or three other men's I take from my bipolar, I have to take my insulin. So a good hour,two couple hours of my day, every day is just managing medications, managing how I'm feeling,managing my health care. That's the thing that people don't think about. They just think,"Oh, he has a mental illness, he's somehow a character flaw, he's somehow deficient, or he's somehowincapable of doing the same things I can do." That's not the case.So your lifestyle, other than treating the illnesses that you have, doesn't really differ fromreally anybody else. You are not limited, you can participate in the same activities that everybodyelse does. Right, well, sometimes, now with special accommodations given sometimes, because it isthe bipolar, is the debilitating mental illness. It really is. So, you may not be able to work anine to five. Most people with bipolar aren't going to be able to work a nine to five effect,now without many accommodations, they aren't going to be able to do a lot of things to the, to thefullest extent of everybody else without taking the consideration of their illness. So, that's theonly thing about it, but I've been able to function pretty well on my own. Pretty much no meatdoing a regular nine to five is never going to happen, just because of health reasons. So, I'm tryingto find other ways to generate revenue for myself. And so, I've taken that path in life.As far as special accommodations are concerned, does that fall under the Americans with DisabilityAct? Yes, but I feel like we need to expand it to include more mental health specific protocols,such as time off, break time, things specifically geared toward mental health, because, you know,in terms of physical health, that's easier for people to see, most of the time. But you're dealingwith something as abstract as mental health, and especially from a legislative standpoint,it's hard to mandate things in place to deal with mental illness when you can't see it.Or people still have such a stigmustized concept of what it is to have a mental illness.It's funny because it's the one thing that truly does affect everyone at every race and color,but we all aren't dealing with it the same way. All of us are affected by mental illness eitherdirectly into regular. But the thing is, is we're still having overcome stereotypes, we're stillhaving to have these discussions. In my hopes in the next twenty-thirty years, we can ease up a lotof a rhetoric that's involved with these conversations and seek out real care, but as far as accommodationsmight be work from home, might be, I need time off, maybe I need to work in a different department,or maybe you can't deal with people. But, you know, as long as the accommodation doesn't affectthe profitability and efficiency of the company, I think they should be adhered to when it allpossible. So the bottom line is, if somebody's diagnosed, they really have to advocate for themselves,because the education to the general public just isn't there to really understand what's going on.No, and I, you know, I started non-profit about six years ago called NetA association,and what I do is I advocate for people. So, you know, even if you can't advocate for yourself,then maybe it's time when you may be sick and you can't. So make sure you know of an advocatethat can come in and assist you, especially dealing with mental health because that extra supportis going to go a long way, especially if you have any cognitive deficiencies because of the mentalillness, or if you have any communication problems, or when you're in crisis, you can't communicatethe same way. And so, I strongly, I'm a staunch advocate for advocates, myself included.How can a dad best support their spouse or child who has been diagnosed? And let's say this is avery new diagnosis to them. Educate themselves and get into support groups and practice self-care.Educate themselves, get into support groups, practice self-care. Those are the three best thingsyou can do. Educate yourself so you understand the illness. So you have a concept of what it is,what kind of medications are used for their particular illness? How can it affect them? What arethe side effects? Get into support groups just to support yourself and get experience and hearthe stories from other people because for one thing, that'll let you know you're not the only one.And, you know, the thing about being a parent with a mentally ill child is that sometimes you feel,so isolated, you feel as though you're the only one. But not only that, there's a lot of self-blameinvolved. You know, you ask yourself, well, what did I do? What's wrong with me that I passed thisdown? And all things just happen. My bipolarism and my family is genetic, okay? And I didn't haveanything to do with me getting it or him getting it, but we have to deal with it. So that's part of thewhere the support system comes in. And third is self-care. Understand that you can't run yourselfragged to take care of anyone and think you're going to do them any good. So take time off, do self-care,get in therapy yourself. That's another tremendous asset. If you're a caretaker of a child or anyonewith a mental or any illness, get in therapy, get into a place where you can top those things outbecause they will come up and they will build up. So just to reiterate, it's going to be self-care,it's going to be educating yourself and it's going to be support groups.So when you get a therapist, one of the things to expect and a lot of it, maybe this was the samewith you, a lot of therapists will actually screen for that in their application process. They willask that at some point for medical diagnosis like that because it does change what they do for treatment,how they treat you in therapy. Right. Especially in terms of medication, because I have to get bloodwork every month, just because the medication I'm on and my health issues may affect my internalorgans or something like that. So yeah, they really, and they get a lot better about it in the pastfew years, really kind of coincide in your physical health, your mental health and making surethat you're on the right medications that have cost you as few side effects as possible.Now as far as a single parent situation, is it helpful to have an advocate that works with thatspecific situation? As far as being a single parent, what's really important is to advocate for yourself,advocate for your child, but have resources in place, have your therapist on speed now, have theschool counselor on speed now. Try to surround yourself with people that really care about you in thechild, that aren't going to bring any drama to it. Being a single parent is really about who yousurround yourself with. You really is, especially when you're dealing with a child with a mental illnessor another health crisis. So, and one thing I'm seeing with a lot of people that are alsopairs there with mental ill children, they did have a support system, so that affected them totheir detriment. But it's important to build that support system and build your advocate team,having to have a plan for when someone does get sick to go inpatient, have a plan if anythinghappens. Treat it like it's a fire hazard. And that's really how you have to address yourmental illness. You have to have things already in place that you can do, should something go wrong.What role did faith play in helping you just to maintain your stability and helping you to justsurvive from day to day? Add a tremendous effect for a long time. I ran from God. I ran from spiritualityup until about six years ago when I decided to get off the cocaine, get off the drugs and try to fixmyself and heal myself. I began to talk to God, but God lives in me. So, I spent all my timepraying. I do all that, but I believe that my faith is important to me because I have my own personalrelationship with God that's not dictated or predetermined by anyone else or where they're standards.And until I learned that, something was missing in my relationship with God. But when I learnedit's my relationship and it didn't have to look like your relationship and it didn't have to belike your relationship in this unique thing to me and my spirituality in my heart,that's when I found a great sense of peace. A lot of times we think that we are alone withdealing with some of the stuff and you're absolutely right. Faith looks different for everybody andit should. My faith should not be yours or it's not really faith. Walk us through that process of howGod really transformed your life, specific things that he changed in you.Starting on the path of healing myself, realizing that therapy could be beneficial to me,taking a lot of accountability for things in my life that I was the cause of. Before we try to healor recover in life, we have to look at the mirror and acknowledge what we are responsible forin terms of our lives being at that point where we need to recover. And the reason I say that isthere's often a way of doing things where we put it on everybody else. Well, Max White did this andmy brother did this and well, first you have to look at the mirror first before you can hold thosepeople accountable. And one thing that God allowed me to do was allow me to accept the fact that eventhough I'm holding those people accountable, I can't expect them to respond the way I want them to.I may want closure, but maybe what I got is just what I got in terms of closure. So my relationshipwith God taught me to accept a lot of things, taught me to kind of harden my heart a little bit,not be so trusting, you know, and a lot of that comes with faith. I think for me the biggestgame changer was forgiveness when I really learned to forgive. And that doesn't just limit to humanbeings. You can forgive situations, circumstances that were put on you, deserving or doesn'tdeserve me. It doesn't make any difference, but there is a power in forgiveness and one of thegreatest definitions that I heard about forgiveness is that it's like walking into a courtroomand you have the gaville and you decide you're done. You don't want to judge anymore and you walkup to God and you hand in the gaville and you're just saying, I'm done here. You judge. And that there isa freedom in that. I wonder if that's a little bit of a taste of kind of what you went through spiritually.Yeah, yeah, learning learning to trust God and have faith in their faces built over time.It's not like you wake up one day and you talk to God, oh, okay, I have faith. No, it's built over timeand it has to be tested otherwise not faith because faith without being tested is nothing but obedienceand dogma. And that's not what you want to believe, you want to have faith. You want to reallybelieve you don't want to do something just because, okay, the Bible says I should do this, so I'll dothis and not feel it. And I think this is what a lot of so-called Christians do is that theyquote, Bible, scripture, all day, when it comes to the real work or the real living with God, they don'tdo it. They can't do it. They don't know how to do it. They know how to make it look good, but theydon't know how to do it. So, you know, it's not how loud you shout and poop is not how how how howhard you bang your 10 brain is when you're long and going through it. How earnestly do you talk to God?What are some resources for dads facing bipolar disorder? My nonprofit meta association, youcan reach as a 2148106518 as far as resources. It's not really a lot. There's really something right nowand resources for men and things to help men because I think for a long time, we've ignored ourselvesand we've been ignored, especially black men, especially. So we're looking at ways to build resourcesto where we can't have things to where we can't get the help we need without having to wait on someoneto do it for us. So, you know, the greatest resource is just going to be, you know, just hunting outdifferent nonprofits, different men's groups. Facebook is as good support groups. Just try to make yourway right now while we try to build up what we need as men for ourselves, just like the women haveto support themselves. We have to build ourselves. No one's going to do that for us.Just to make things easier, if you go to thefatherhoodchallenge.com, that's thefatherhoodchallenge.com. If you go tothis episode, look right below the episode description, I'm going to have the organization that Georgestarted. I'm going to have his organization posted right below the episode description for your convenience.George, as we close, what is your challenge to that dad listening now?I challenge you to grow. I challenge you to be patient with yourself, to treat yourself like a seedthat you have to water, that you have to cultivate, that you have to nurture, to get the, to reap theharvest that you want to reap from yourself. The thing you have to keep in mind when you plan to seethis dark is wet, it's cold, it's unpleasant, but this part of the growth process, you have to understandthe same process that we go through as men. And find support systems, find healthy ways to deal withthings, find positive things, try to keep your heart young, especially your parents, spend time withyour kids as much as you can, just try to live life, but try to live with a sense of purpose.And even if you're not a believer, believe in something, something other than yourself,and try to follow that. And once you define your purpose, pursue it with your whole heart,regardless of anything. And I think that's our purpose. This means to have our purpose inand pursue it. It's not to sit up during getting married and pay bills, it's not to do this, it's not todo this, but to pursue a purpose, not a dream, not a ambition, because dreams are temporary, dreams offleeting. You can achieve a dream in one day and then what? What is your purpose? Because the purposeis one thing that cares you throughout your whole life, part of my purpose is being a father,and I'm proud and happy to be born. So the overall theme here is that every, every father, everydad must know and find their identity and purpose. That is the number one priority, without that youare not complete without that you don't know who you are. Yes, George, it has been absolutely anhonor having you on the father and challenge. Thank you so much for sharing your story with dad.Thank you, thank everyone, Matthew, too. I really appreciate you all taking the time to listen to me.I appreciate you doing nothing but blessings in the very best.Thank you for listening to this episode of the Fatherhood Challenge. If you would like to contact us,listen to other episodes, find any resource mentioned in this program or find out more informationabout the Fatherhood Challenge, please visit thefatherhoodchallenge.com. That's thefatherhoodchallenge.com.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/thefatherhoodchallengepodcast/donations

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