First up, we look in far, far too closer detail at the lyrics to Manic Monday by The Bangles, concluding that it’s a homage to TV show 30 Rock or something to do with fruit picking. Gazza gives any aspiring footballer tips on how to shoot, and we discuss American positivity compared to British negativity. This is followed by a thesis on how we all got our surnames, back in medieval forest dwelling times. Anyone with a surname is well advised to listen and so learn more about their own heritage. Later, in Alan’s Dates, we find out about our man’s worrying friend Billy, the hospital porter, before he describes his date in well-to-do Fulham with interior designer Abigail.

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