New year, new episode, and Tina and Dennis are starting off with a catch up and carrot cake. They go on to chat about what "people pleasing" is and how it shows up in us - from saying yes too much to being the fixer in emotional situations or not being able to stand back and give space for others to feel the difficult stuff. They observe it from an attachment, nervous system and embodiment perspective and look at what is happening in us, and the lack of feeling of safety that can be present. Dennis and Tina share their own patterns of fixing others emotions, and discuss what fear and avoidance of feeling might be happening underneath these behaviours. They dive in a bit to what is happening in our nervous system and that our tendency to please others is a nervous system strategy - a bit like hitting the brakes and the accelerator at the same time.They describe how we can notice in ourselves these tendencies, from posture to our sense of self and they remind us that these behaviours are not to be ashamed of, they are an intelligent developmental strategy. Tina mentions how this type of pattern can also show up in people living with chronic illness, maybe to appease the guilt of being a burden to others or also as a way to regulate their own nervous system, by regulating someone elses. Dennis describes "internalisation" where we can learn that our safety and belonging depends on keeping others happy. Tina goes on to give an explanation of people pleasing in relation to Developmental Patterns/Sequencing and the interrupted stages of development, for example, connecting to a sense of reaching for your desires gets replaced with scanning others for what they need. They go on to discuss on how to "meet" these states gently and to track when you have enough capacity to make small movements or breath to move through the stillness. They describe self merging with another, placing "silent boundaries" and allowing others have their own experiences. They go further into other ways we can bring feelings of safety into our system, and Dennis guides us through a short visualisation practice to invite a loving shift in connection to others.They end with a very relevant listener question!For more information, coaching or to ask a listener question please go to:www.omnamo.nl  or email Dennis at [email protected] www.tinaclarkewellness.com  or email Tina at [email protected] 

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