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Listen "You Forgave Them... But Can You Forgive Yourself? - RTBP Episode 212"
Episode Synopsis
In this deeply personal and reflective episode of the Reason to Behold podcast, Arnold and Tolu have an honest conversation about one of the most overlooked aspects of spiritual and emotional growth — forgiving yourself. While we often hear messages about forgiving others, what about the grace we extend to ourselves when we mess up, fall short, or cause damage along the way?
From high performance mindsets to the lessons learned through failure, this episode unpacks the importance of accepting God's grace and moving forward with a healthy, gospel-centred view of progress. Whether you've recently dropped the ball or you're still holding onto past regrets, this one is a much-needed reminder that your story isn’t over.
Key Discussion Points
00:01 – Opening Thoughts: Do We Forgive Ourselves Enough?
Arnold opens the episode by asking a powerful question: how often do we actually talk about forgiving ourselves?
01:35 – The High Performance Trap & Internal Criticism
Why pursuing excellence can often come with hypercritical self-talk — and how to navigate that without losing your identity.
02:41 – Mistakes Made in Pursuit of Success
Tolu reflects on what it really means to strive for greatness without compromising character.
05:37 – The Power of Moving On
Tolu shares his mindset on how he handles failure — "once it's done, it's done" — and the freedom that comes with that approach.
06:58 – What Does Self-Forgiveness Really Look Like?
The way you frame yourself or others in your mind is often a window into whether true forgiveness has taken place.
09:04 – Learning Through Life and Business Mistakes
Arnold shares a vulnerable moment reflecting on past business decisions and what helped him find peace through the journey.
12:46 – Understanding the Gospel is Key
Self-forgiveness becomes possible when you understand grace — that we’re saved not by works but by faith through God’s gift.
14:16 – Seeing Growth Through the Eyes of a Parent
Arnold uses the example of watching his daughter learn to walk to explain God’s perspective on our imperfections.
17:13 – The “Next Play” Mentality
Tolu introduces a mindset from basketball: instead of dwelling on one bad play, focus on what you can do next.
19:17 – There’s Power in the Comeback
Great stories often come from great mistakes. Don’t rob God of glory by staying stuck in shame — your comeback is part of the testimony.
Highlights From The Episode
“Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves like God already has.”
“You're going to make mistakes — but the key is what you do next.”
“Understanding the gospel is fundamental to letting go of guilt and shame.”
“The world may remember your mistakes, but God writes the final chapter.”
Practical Steps You Can Take
Pause and reflect on what you’re still holding against yourself — is it something you’ve repented for, but still replay?
Speak truth to yourself using scripture like Romans 8:1 — “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Adopt the “next play” mentality — take your lessons, make it right where possible, and move forward.
Celebrate growth the same way a parent would celebrate a child’s first steps — messy but meaningful.
Remember: your mess is a message — don’t let shame silence the story God wants to tell through you.
Relevant Themes Covered
Self-forgiveness and spiritual healing
The grace of God vs. perfectionism
High-performance mindsets and emotional health
Learning from failure
Gospel identity and sanctification
Personal growth through business and life decisions
Connect with RTB
For podcast updates, exclusive daily devotional emails and more, join the RTB community!
Sign up here: www.reasontobehold.com
Got a question or want to share your thoughts and reflections from the episode? We’d love to hear from you!
Contact us: [email protected]
From high performance mindsets to the lessons learned through failure, this episode unpacks the importance of accepting God's grace and moving forward with a healthy, gospel-centred view of progress. Whether you've recently dropped the ball or you're still holding onto past regrets, this one is a much-needed reminder that your story isn’t over.
Key Discussion Points
00:01 – Opening Thoughts: Do We Forgive Ourselves Enough?
Arnold opens the episode by asking a powerful question: how often do we actually talk about forgiving ourselves?
01:35 – The High Performance Trap & Internal Criticism
Why pursuing excellence can often come with hypercritical self-talk — and how to navigate that without losing your identity.
02:41 – Mistakes Made in Pursuit of Success
Tolu reflects on what it really means to strive for greatness without compromising character.
05:37 – The Power of Moving On
Tolu shares his mindset on how he handles failure — "once it's done, it's done" — and the freedom that comes with that approach.
06:58 – What Does Self-Forgiveness Really Look Like?
The way you frame yourself or others in your mind is often a window into whether true forgiveness has taken place.
09:04 – Learning Through Life and Business Mistakes
Arnold shares a vulnerable moment reflecting on past business decisions and what helped him find peace through the journey.
12:46 – Understanding the Gospel is Key
Self-forgiveness becomes possible when you understand grace — that we’re saved not by works but by faith through God’s gift.
14:16 – Seeing Growth Through the Eyes of a Parent
Arnold uses the example of watching his daughter learn to walk to explain God’s perspective on our imperfections.
17:13 – The “Next Play” Mentality
Tolu introduces a mindset from basketball: instead of dwelling on one bad play, focus on what you can do next.
19:17 – There’s Power in the Comeback
Great stories often come from great mistakes. Don’t rob God of glory by staying stuck in shame — your comeback is part of the testimony.
Highlights From The Episode
“Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves like God already has.”
“You're going to make mistakes — but the key is what you do next.”
“Understanding the gospel is fundamental to letting go of guilt and shame.”
“The world may remember your mistakes, but God writes the final chapter.”
Practical Steps You Can Take
Pause and reflect on what you’re still holding against yourself — is it something you’ve repented for, but still replay?
Speak truth to yourself using scripture like Romans 8:1 — “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Adopt the “next play” mentality — take your lessons, make it right where possible, and move forward.
Celebrate growth the same way a parent would celebrate a child’s first steps — messy but meaningful.
Remember: your mess is a message — don’t let shame silence the story God wants to tell through you.
Relevant Themes Covered
Self-forgiveness and spiritual healing
The grace of God vs. perfectionism
High-performance mindsets and emotional health
Learning from failure
Gospel identity and sanctification
Personal growth through business and life decisions
Connect with RTB
For podcast updates, exclusive daily devotional emails and more, join the RTB community!
Sign up here: www.reasontobehold.com
Got a question or want to share your thoughts and reflections from the episode? We’d love to hear from you!
Contact us: [email protected]
In God we trust