#ESL Podcast 221 – Long-distance Relationships##GLOSSARY**bicoastal –** in two different places near the ocean, usually very far from eachother on the opposite sides of a large area of land*Major magazines like Time and Newsweek have bicoastal offices, usually inNew York and California.**long-distance relationship –** two people in a romantic relationship or datingwhile living far away from each other*One of the downsides to a long-distance relationship is the expensive phonebill.**to get out of –** to leave; to no longer be a part of something; to end*I’ve been a member of this club for five years, but I need to get out of it becauseit’s taking too much of my time.**out of sight, out of mind –** a phrase that means if someone doesn’t see you,then they aren’t thinking about you*I write down everything I have to do in my calendar. If I don’t, I’ll never getanything done since it’s always out of sight, out of mind with me.**it’s not that –** this is not the reason; it’s not because of this*I know that he didn’t eat anything at dinner, but it’s not that he didn’t like therestaurant. He just wasn’t hungry.**temptation –** something that makes you want to do something, usuallysomething wrong or harmful*People who are on diets try to avoid temptations like chocolate and potatochips.**to be committed –** to be devoted; to feel loyal to someone or something*Rachel shows how committed she is to her work by staying late to finish herprojects on time.**vibe –** (slang) good or bad feelings given off by a person or thing; theatmosphere of a place*Leshon didn’t think he did a bad job painting the wall but he got a strong vibethat his girlfriend wasn’t too happy with it.**misunderstanding –** not understanding something correctly; when two or morepeople have different feelings or beliefs about something*To avoid any misunderstandings, the teacher told his students that he wouldwrite all assignments on the board.**to hurt (someone’s) feelings –** to make someone feel bad or sad; to insultsomeone; to cause someone else to have negative emotions*Not wanting to hurt her feelings, he said he liked the cake she had baked eventhough it tasted like sand.**to grow apart –** for two or more people to become not as close as they used tobe; to stop being as friendly or as familiar*Only two months after Kendra left for her new job in Europe, she started tonotice that she and Hassan were growing apart.**in common –** having interest in the same things; being similar in beliefs,interests, or behavior*The only thing they had in common was that neither of them liked the movieTitanic.**to call it quits –** to give up; to quit; to end something*After 20 minutes of trying to program the new DVD player, Hide called it quits.**to have it out with (someone) –** to let a person know of the things that’sbothering you; to argue with someone*Earlier that day, Catherine decided to have it out with her secretary by tellinghim she’s not happy with the work he’s been doing.**to deal with it –** to be okay with something; to handle a difficult situation*It’s been a year since her husband died but she was still having problemsdealing with his death.**to know where (one) stands –** to know what someone else is feeling orthinking about a topic or issue; to know someone else’s opinion or belief*My professor said to me, “Your paper is very good. It clearly shows where youstand on the issue.”##COMPREHENSION QUESTIONS1. Where did Enrique meet Diana?a) Floridab) New York Cityc) California2. In this story, Enrique tells Emily that:a) He wants to break up with Dianab) He thinks that Diana is working too muchc) He and Diana are not as close as they used to be.##WHAT ELSE DOES IT MEAN?got out ofThe phrase *“to get out of,”* in this podcast, means to no longer be a part ofsomething: “I got out of the project because I didn’t agree with the team leader’sdecisions.” This phrase also means to avoid doing something: “He got out ofdoing the dishes by volunteering to cook dinner that night.” Or, “How can I getout of going shopping all day with my wife?” This can also mean to leave or toexit a place, such as a room: “She got out of the crowded room right after shegreeted the party’s hosts.” Or, “The audience was sure that the box was emptybut the magician’s assistant got out of it as though she had been there the entiretime.”to be committedIn this podcast, the verb *“to be committed”* means to be devoted or dedicated tosomething or someone: “She was committed to helping out her sister in any wayshe can.” This can also be used to mean that someone is obligated to dosomething: “Since Leslie invited him to the party, Leonard felt committed to goand to bring a gift.” Or, “The governor said that he was committed to spendingmore money on the poor and the sick in the state.” The verb to commit is alsoused for doing wrong or bad things, such as a crime: “She told the police thatshe had committed no crime but no one believed her.” Or, “It’s not clear whethersomeone killed him or he killed himself by committing suicide.”##CULTURE NOTERelationships are hard enough and long-distance ones are even more difficult.Not seeing the person you love can be difficult and there are a lot of people whofeel that these types of relationships are *“doomed”* (certain to fail) from the start.Many people believe that the biggest problem is *“jealousy”* or being suspiciousthat the other person is not being faithful or is dating other people. But there areothers who believe that if you put some extra work into it, long-distancerelationships can be successful.Relationship *“experts”* (people who know a lot about a subject) have this adviceabout long-distance relationships:1. Be clear about the *“ground rules.”* Ground rules are basic guidelines abouthow to behave. Talking about what is expected is a good idea, such as howoften to call and when you will visit one another.2. Do something together. Try to do some things together, even though youare far apart, such as watching the same television program. This gives you asimilar experience so that you will have more in common to talk about.3. Don’t fight about small things. It’s easy for small problems to get*“magnified”* or seem more important they really are. Make a decision that youwon’t fight about small problems and that it’s okay to *“agree to disagree,”* whereeach of you has your opinion but you can still get along.4. Accept uncertainty about how you feel. It’s not uncommon that when acouple sees each other again after a long time apart, they feel strange ornervous. You may ask yourself, *“Do I still love her?”* or “Is this relationship stillworthwhile?” These feelings are normal and they will most likely *“pass”* (go awayafter a short time).Comprehension Questions Correct Answers: 1 – b; 2 – c##COMPLETE TRANSCRIPTWelcome to number 221, “LongDistance Relationships.”This is episode 221. I am your host, Dr.Jeff McQuillan. I am coming to you from the Center for Educational Developmentin beautiful Los Angeles, California.Remember to visit our website at eslpod.com and look at the Learning Guide forthis episode. It's a 10-page guide to the podcast that gives you the completetranscript, all the vocabulary, additional vocabulary, cultural notes and a free tripto Hawaii. Okay, well, everything except the free trip to Hawaii, I promise!Today's podcast is called *“Long Distance Relationships.”* Sounds like fun, let'sgo![start of story]I met Diana last year when we were both working in New York City for thesummer. I’m finishing college in California and Diana started her first job inFlorida. Talk about a bicoastal relationship! We spent three great monthstogether and we’ve been trying to maintain a long distance relationship eversince. It’s been really hard and I had a talk about it with my friend, Emily, whojust got out of a relationship like this.Enrique: I’m always worried that for her, it’s out of sight, out of mind.Emily: I know what you mean, but is it that way with you?Enrique: No, not at all. I think about her all the time. It’s not that there aren’ttemptations, but I’m committed to Diana.Emily: Don’t you get the same vibe from her?Enrique: Sometimes I do, but a lot of times I don’t. It’s so easy to get into a fighton the phone. We have misunderstandings all the time or I hurt her feelingswithout realizing it. And plus, I’m still in school and she’s already out working,and it seems like we’re growing apart.Emily: That’s what happened with Theo and me. We grew apart and we hadless and less in common. After a year, we called it quits.Enrique: I hope that’s not what Diana wants. I’ve got to have it out with her. Ifshe wants to end this, then I’ll just have to deal with it.Emily: It’s always better to know where you stand. Let me know how it goes.Enrique: Sure. See you later.[end of story]The topic for this podcast is long distance relationships.A relationship is normally when a man and a woman are romantically interestedin each other. It could be that they are dating, they are not married or it could bethat they are married.This relationship in our story today is a long distance one, meaning that the twopeople do not live close to each other. Sometimes we use this expression if weare talking about people who live in different cities or even different countries.Long distance is a term we also use when we are making telephone calls. If youare calling somewhere outside of the city where you live, we say that is a longdistance call, and it costs more money.Well, this is a long distance relationship between Enrique and Emily. Enriqueand Emily met in New York City. They were working there during this summer,probably working as interns, *“interns.”* An intern is someone who works for acompany for a short time to get experience.It turns out that Enrique is going back to California to finish his college and Dianais starting her first job in different state, in Florida, which is on the other side ofthe country. It is what we would call a bicoastal relationship, *“bicoastal.”*Bicoastal comes from the word *“coast,”* which is the part of a country or the partof the land that is next to the ocean. United States, we have two coasts; we havethe West Coast, where the Pacific Ocean is, and the East Coast, where theAtlantic Ocean is. A bicoastal relationship means two coasts. *“Bi,”* bi, as a prefixin English, usually means two. So, you have a bicycle; that is a machine with twowheels.This is a bicoastal relationship - a long distance relationship, and Enrique ishaving some problems. Ah, don't we all? He talks to his friend, Emily. Emily justgot out of a relationship like this. In other words, Emily was in a long distancerelationship and now she is out of the relationship. To get out of a relationshipmeans to end a relationship - to stop it. So, Emily has got out of this longdistance relationship with her boyfriend and she is now going to give advice toEnrique.Enrique starts by saying, “I'm worried about my girlfriend Diana, in Florida. I’mworried that for her, it’s out of sight, out of mind.” That is an expression we use,out of sight, *“sight,”* out of mind, *“mind,”* to mean that you don't think about thingsthat are not to close to you - that you cannot see. *“Sight”* means the same hereas to be able to see, or something that you see. So, if you can't see it, you don'tthink about it - you forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind.Emily says that she understands what Enrique is talking about, and asks if hefeels the same way, that is if it's out of sight, out of mind for him, too. Does heforget about Diana because she is not near him? And, Enrique says, “not at all.I think about her all the time.” You think? I kind of wonder about Enrique, I don'tthink he's thinking about her. But, well, we'll go with the story here - continuewith the story.Enrique says, *“It’s not that there aren’t temptations, but I’m committed to Diana.”*The expression, *“it's not that,”* is one we use to introduce something that isn'ttrue, but we want to compare it to something that is true. So, Enrique says, “it'snot true that I don't have temptations.” Temptations, *“temptations,”* are thingsthat cause you to do something that you may not want to do, that your brain saysis a bad idea, but perhaps your heart, or some other part of your body thinks is agood idea. These would be temptations.The verb is to tempt, *“temp,”* to try to get someone to do something that theyshould not do. The world is, of course, full of temptations, that's why I never getanother woman, only my wife!Enrique says he's *“committed to Diana.”* To be committed, *“committed,”* meansthat he is going to stay with Diana. He wants to be in this relationship; he'sdedicated to her. Committed can have other meanings as well, and in theLearning Guide we talk about some additional uses of that verb, committed or tocommit. We also talk about that expression we used earlier, *“get out of,”* thereare some additional meanings, which you can find in our Learning Guide.Well, continuing with the story, Emily says do *“you get the same vibe from her?”*In other words, does she communicate the same idea, that she is committed toyou? The word vibe, *“vibe,”* means the same feeling - the same impression - thesame idea. It's the way someone acts towards you, not necessarily what theysay.Enrique says, *“Sometimes I do, but sometimes I don’t,”* meaning “Sometimes Ithink Diana is committed and sometimes I don't.” He says, “It's easy to get into afight” when you're talking “on the phone. We have misunderstandings all thetime.” A misunderstanding is when people do not understand each other. Here,mis, *“mis,”* at the beginning of the word means not.Enrique says sometimes he hurts his girlfriend's *“feelings without realizing,”* orwithout knowing. To hurt, *“hurt,”* someone's feelings means to make them feelbad - to make them sad, for example. If you say something that is not very niceabout someone, you could hurt their feelings.Enrique is afraid that he and Diana are *“growing apart.”* To *“grow apart”* meansthat as you get older, you aren't as close to another person as you were whenyou were younger. Enrique is afraid that because Diana is in another state faraway, as time goes by, as each month goes by that they are growing apart.Emily says that this is situation that happened to her and her boyfriend, Theo.She says that *“We grew apart and had less in common,”* meaning they had fewerthings that they could talk about or share with each other. *“After a year,”* Emilysays, *“we called it quits.”* To call something quits, *“quits,”* means to endsomething - to end something, to stop something.Enrique says he hopes that doesn't happen to him and Diana. Of course, it will,but you know, Enrique's trying to see the positive side of things. He says that heis going *“to have it out with”* his girlfriend. *“To have it out”* means that you aregoing to have an argument, perhaps, but you speak very honestly with the otherperson.Enrique says that if Diana wants to end, or stop the relationship, he'll “have todeal with it.” This is a very common expression. To deal, *“deal,”* with somethingmeans that you have to adjust to it - you have to make the best situationpossible. *“To deal with,”* means to have to live with and to understand or figureout how to survive - how to continue. Emily says, “It’s always better to knowwhere you stand.” *“To know where you stand,”* in this case, means to know whatyour situation is, to understand the other person's opinion and to know thesituation or condition of your relationship.If you are in a long distance relationship, make sure you see the Learning Guidetoday. It has some advice for those of you who are in a long distancerelationship.Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a native rate of speech.[start of story]I met Diana last year when we were both working in New York City for thesummer. I’m finishing college in California and Diana started her first job inFlorida. Talk about a bicoastal relationship! We spent three great monthstogether and we’ve been trying to maintain a long distance relationship eversince. It’s been really hard and I had a talk about it with my friend, Emily, whojust got out of a relationship like this.Enrique: I’m always worried that for her, it’s out of sight, out of mind.Emily: I know what you mean, but is it that way with you?Enrique: No, not at all. I think about her all the time. It’s not that there aren’ttemptations, but I’m committed to Diana.Emily: Don’t you get the same vibe from her?Enrique: Sometimes I do, but a lot of times I don’t. It’s so easy to get into a fighton the phone. We have misunderstandings all the time or I hurt her feelingswithout realizing it. And plus, I’m still in school and she’s already out working,and it seems like we’re growing apart.Emily: That’s what happened with Theo and me. We grew apart and we hadless and less in common. After a year, we called it quits.Enrique: I hope that’s not what Diana wants. I’ve got to have it out with her. Ifshe wants to end this, then I’ll just have to deal with it.Emily: It’s always better to know where you stand. Let me know how it goes.Enrique: Sure. See you later.[end of story]The script for today's podcast was by Dr. Lucy Tse. Remember to email us if youhave a comment or question about our podcast. Our email address [email protected] Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan. Thanks for listening. We willsee you next time on ESL Podcast. is written and produced by Dr. Lucy Tse,hosted by Dr. Jeff McQuillan. This podcast is copyright 2006.

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