9 Ways I Am Healing From Being The Scapegoat in My Family
What You Will Learn:

Typical Roles in Family Systems
The Scapegoat
Strengths of the Scapegoat

9 Ways to Heal from Being The Scapegoat


Typical roles in a family system:

The Golden Child: The golden child is often the favourite, the one the parents are most proud of. They get a lot of praise, attention, and special treatment, but this isn’t always easy. There’s a lot of pressure to stay 'perfect,' making them anxious and scared of making mistakes. As adults, golden children find it hard to accept mistakes and struggle with setting boundaries because they’re used to pleasing others.
The Enabler: The enabler supports and defends the confrontational parent, often justifying their actions and helping keep family secrets. The enabler makes excuses for the adversarial parent’s behaviour and even feels responsible for maintaining the family running smoothly. Often, this is the other parent, but it can also be an older sibling or another family member.
The Lost Child: To avoid conflict or attention, the lost child retreats into their own world. They find solace in solitary activities, deepening their sense of isolation. The lack of attention, whether positive or negative, from the family leaves them feeling neglected and disconnected. Staying in the background can lead to feeling invisible or unimportant. Lost children struggle with social skills and connecting with others as adults. They also avoid conflict or need help asking for what they need, making it hard to have close relationships.
The Mascot: The mascot, often the family jester, uses humour or charm to lighten the mood and deflect from the family’s problems. However, beneath the facade of playfulness, they often hide deep feelings of insecurity and sadness. Their role as a 'distraction' can be a heavy burden. As adults, mascots might avoid serious conversations and hide their real feelings, making it hard for them to open up or feel understood.

The Scapegoat
The scapegoat is the most common family role. The antagonistic parent or siblings blames the scapegoated child for any problems or issues in the family and often criticizes or belittles them. In narcissistic families, the scapegoat bears the brunt of gaslighting and invalidation. I talked about gaslighting in last week's episode. They are labelled the “problem child” and tend to receive more negative attention than other children in the family. 
Being blamed for family problems hurts the scapegoat's self-esteem and creates guilt and shame in the scapegoated

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