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Listen "How to Develop People Without Fixing, Forcing, or Folding"
Episode Synopsis
Episode Summary:
In this episode of Leadership Limbo, Josh and John kick off a new mini-series on one of the most essential—and misunderstood—skills of leadership: developing others. Building on their recent conversations about communication and self-awareness, they explore how our intentions to help can sometimes derail growth when we lead from the wrong mindset.
Drawing from the Drama Triangle framework, they unpack three common leadership archetypes that show up under stress: the Persecutor (Villain), the Rescuer (Hero), and the Victim. Each has good intentions but can end up disempowering others, creating dependency, or spreading frustration. Through stories, humor, and reflection, they reveal what’s really happening beneath these patterns and how to shift toward healthier, growth-oriented postures:
The Challenger (instead of the Persecutor)
The Coach (instead of the Rescuer)
The Creator (instead of the Victim)
The episode reframes development as the act of fighting for others’ highest good. It challenges leaders to move from control to empowerment, from rescuing to equipping, and from “woe is me” to “what can we create together?”
Key Takeaways:
Awareness is the first act of development.
Every leader can slip into the Drama Triangle. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s noticing when it happens and choosing a better response.
Persecutors become Challengers.
Replace micromanagement and blame with curiosity and accountability. Challenge others to own their growth.
Rescuers become Coaches.
Stop over-helping. Use questions and patience to guide others toward their own solutions instead of fixing for them.
Victims become Creators.
Trade helplessness for agency. Acknowledge the challenge, then focus on what’s within your power to move forward.
Leadership development is love in action.
Great leaders don’t remove struggle—they walk with others through it, building confidence and autonomy along the way.
Listener Homework:
Reflect on one person you currently lead, coach, or collaborate with.
Which of the three Drama Triangle tendencies (Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim) do you most often fall into with them?
What would it look like to flip that pattern this week—by becoming a Challenger, Coach, or Creator instead?
Notice how that shift changes both your mindset and their engagement.
If you’re not managing people right now, try this reflection with a teammate, family member, or friend. The same dynamics apply everywhere we influence others.
Resources Mentioned:
The Drama Triangle (Stephen Karpman) – the foundational model discussed in this episode.
Radical Candor by Kim Scott – on the balance between care and challenge (“ruinous empathy” connects to the Rescuer pattern).
A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman – referenced by Josh for its insight on leadership courage and the “non-anxious presence.”
The 100X Leader by Jeremie Kubicek & Steve Cockram – for the “Sherpa mindset” of fighting for the highest good of others.
In this episode of Leadership Limbo, Josh and John kick off a new mini-series on one of the most essential—and misunderstood—skills of leadership: developing others. Building on their recent conversations about communication and self-awareness, they explore how our intentions to help can sometimes derail growth when we lead from the wrong mindset.
Drawing from the Drama Triangle framework, they unpack three common leadership archetypes that show up under stress: the Persecutor (Villain), the Rescuer (Hero), and the Victim. Each has good intentions but can end up disempowering others, creating dependency, or spreading frustration. Through stories, humor, and reflection, they reveal what’s really happening beneath these patterns and how to shift toward healthier, growth-oriented postures:
The Challenger (instead of the Persecutor)
The Coach (instead of the Rescuer)
The Creator (instead of the Victim)
The episode reframes development as the act of fighting for others’ highest good. It challenges leaders to move from control to empowerment, from rescuing to equipping, and from “woe is me” to “what can we create together?”
Key Takeaways:
Awareness is the first act of development.
Every leader can slip into the Drama Triangle. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s noticing when it happens and choosing a better response.
Persecutors become Challengers.
Replace micromanagement and blame with curiosity and accountability. Challenge others to own their growth.
Rescuers become Coaches.
Stop over-helping. Use questions and patience to guide others toward their own solutions instead of fixing for them.
Victims become Creators.
Trade helplessness for agency. Acknowledge the challenge, then focus on what’s within your power to move forward.
Leadership development is love in action.
Great leaders don’t remove struggle—they walk with others through it, building confidence and autonomy along the way.
Listener Homework:
Reflect on one person you currently lead, coach, or collaborate with.
Which of the three Drama Triangle tendencies (Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim) do you most often fall into with them?
What would it look like to flip that pattern this week—by becoming a Challenger, Coach, or Creator instead?
Notice how that shift changes both your mindset and their engagement.
If you’re not managing people right now, try this reflection with a teammate, family member, or friend. The same dynamics apply everywhere we influence others.
Resources Mentioned:
The Drama Triangle (Stephen Karpman) – the foundational model discussed in this episode.
Radical Candor by Kim Scott – on the balance between care and challenge (“ruinous empathy” connects to the Rescuer pattern).
A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman – referenced by Josh for its insight on leadership courage and the “non-anxious presence.”
The 100X Leader by Jeremie Kubicek & Steve Cockram – for the “Sherpa mindset” of fighting for the highest good of others.
In God we trust