ZARZA We are Zarza, the prestigious firm behind major projects in information technology.
Listen "How Mindset Shapes the Way You Develop Others"
Episode Synopsis
Episode Summary:
In this episode of Leadership Limbo, Josh and John continue their mini-series on developing others, widening the lens to explore the deeper mindsets that shape how leaders respond to challenges. Drawing from the model in Conscious Leadership, they unpack the four mindsets—To Me, By Me, Through Me, and As Me—and examine how each one influences the way we navigate difficulty, communicate, and develop the people around us.
The conversation explores how easy it is for leaders to slip into a reactive To Me posture, especially in seasons of uncertainty or self-preservation. From there, they highlight how shifting toward By Me opens the door to agency, responsibility, and creativity—breaking the cycle of blame or helplessness.
Josh and John also reflect on higher levels of leadership consciousness—operating Through Me or As Me—and what it means to move from control to presence, from tension to groundedness, and from reactivity to intentionality. They share personal stories, real-life examples, and moments of self-awareness that reveal the subtle but powerful nature of mindset shifts.
The episode ultimately reminds leaders that developing others begins with developing ourselves. How we interpret our circumstances shapes how we show up, how we listen, and how we build capacity in the people we influence.
Key Takeaways:
Most leaders operate in “To Me” more than they realize.
This reactive mindset amplifies stress and reduces agency, setting the tone for how we lead and develop others.
Shifting to “By Me” unlocks creativity and ownership.
The combination of responsibility, curiosity, and intentional choice breaks the Drama Triangle and restores empowerment.
“Through Me” and “As Me” represent deeper, grounded presence.
These states help leaders move from controlling outcomes to participating in them with clarity and calm.
Self-preservation keeps leaders from developing others.
When fear, fatigue, or insecurity take over, development gets replaced by protection, avoidance, or withdrawal.
Small, consistent reframes create meaningful change.
Leaders don’t need enlightenment—they need awareness in the moment and a willingness to take the next small step.
Listener Homework:
Identify one challenge you’re facing right now—something that feels heavy, unfair, frustrating, or stuck.
Write down the story you are currently telling yourself about it (the “To Me” version).
Then choose one small shift toward a “By Me” mindset.
What question could you ask?
What action is within your control?
What perspective could open up agency instead of helplessness?
Keep it small. Keep it honest. Keep it doable.
Resources Mentioned:
Conscious Leadership: The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership — Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, Kaley Warner Klemp
The Drama Triangle — Dr. Stephen Karpman
The 100X Leader — Jeremie Kubicek & Steve Cockram
Sacred Hoops — Phil Jackson (with Hugh Delehanty)
What About Bob? — Frank Oz (Director)
In this episode of Leadership Limbo, Josh and John continue their mini-series on developing others, widening the lens to explore the deeper mindsets that shape how leaders respond to challenges. Drawing from the model in Conscious Leadership, they unpack the four mindsets—To Me, By Me, Through Me, and As Me—and examine how each one influences the way we navigate difficulty, communicate, and develop the people around us.
The conversation explores how easy it is for leaders to slip into a reactive To Me posture, especially in seasons of uncertainty or self-preservation. From there, they highlight how shifting toward By Me opens the door to agency, responsibility, and creativity—breaking the cycle of blame or helplessness.
Josh and John also reflect on higher levels of leadership consciousness—operating Through Me or As Me—and what it means to move from control to presence, from tension to groundedness, and from reactivity to intentionality. They share personal stories, real-life examples, and moments of self-awareness that reveal the subtle but powerful nature of mindset shifts.
The episode ultimately reminds leaders that developing others begins with developing ourselves. How we interpret our circumstances shapes how we show up, how we listen, and how we build capacity in the people we influence.
Key Takeaways:
Most leaders operate in “To Me” more than they realize.
This reactive mindset amplifies stress and reduces agency, setting the tone for how we lead and develop others.
Shifting to “By Me” unlocks creativity and ownership.
The combination of responsibility, curiosity, and intentional choice breaks the Drama Triangle and restores empowerment.
“Through Me” and “As Me” represent deeper, grounded presence.
These states help leaders move from controlling outcomes to participating in them with clarity and calm.
Self-preservation keeps leaders from developing others.
When fear, fatigue, or insecurity take over, development gets replaced by protection, avoidance, or withdrawal.
Small, consistent reframes create meaningful change.
Leaders don’t need enlightenment—they need awareness in the moment and a willingness to take the next small step.
Listener Homework:
Identify one challenge you’re facing right now—something that feels heavy, unfair, frustrating, or stuck.
Write down the story you are currently telling yourself about it (the “To Me” version).
Then choose one small shift toward a “By Me” mindset.
What question could you ask?
What action is within your control?
What perspective could open up agency instead of helplessness?
Keep it small. Keep it honest. Keep it doable.
Resources Mentioned:
Conscious Leadership: The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership — Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, Kaley Warner Klemp
The Drama Triangle — Dr. Stephen Karpman
The 100X Leader — Jeremie Kubicek & Steve Cockram
Sacred Hoops — Phil Jackson (with Hugh Delehanty)
What About Bob? — Frank Oz (Director)
In God we trust