I know a lot of you have been following along on my journey of applying for a new job at work and taking my career in a bit of a different direction. Since my fertility journey ended, I felt like I was a little bit stuck in where I was in my workspace, and so back in September. A new position opened at work. I applied for it, it got put on hold, opened up again in January and I started the interview process in January and it was about a two-month process.  From what I've am told, a lot of talented people applied for the job and I did not get selected. And that's okay. I know I'm hearing all of you be like, ah, yes, I was disappointed. And yes, it took me a few days to sort of process the news, but it was really important for me to come on here today and talk to you this week about how we process things when they don't go in our.  We are no stranger to things not going in our favor. Especially if you're childless not by choice, or you've gone through fertility treatments and not have had the child that you always dreamed you would.  It's really important for me to talk about how we process and what we make, not achieving the things that are so important to us, what we make that mean about. And what we make that mean about our efforts, what we make that mean about our worthiness, what we make that mean about the next time we choose to or choose not to go forward in the  acquisition of, or maybe even the achievement of something. Had I not worked with a coach and had I not gone through the tools that I teach in my own coaching community and teach to my students, I think that I would not have been in a place to receive this information and be at a point in understanding that this just was not my job. This was not the job. My next step was intended to go in. If you have gone through the processing of what your journey is going to be like, if you're not a mom, you might be struggling with this. So I'm gonna talk today about some of the things that I work with in my community and some of the things that I work. With my students and even some things that have recently come up on some our classes of things that we've been working through.  Let's first identify with what it's like to not be a mom. Knowing that that door has closed for us, or that chapter of our life is not gonna go like we thought it would. Can we just agree that that was not. The chapter for us, can we just agree that motherhood might not have been something that we were intended to have in our life? And how do we want that ending to the story? How do we want that ending to write the next beginning? Okay. So really think about that. If this thing happened, And we weren't able to achieve that goal of motherhood. How do we want that realization and that factual information to create the thoughts and the beliefs that we want to have about ourself? How do we want that reality? What feelings do we want that reality to create for us? And what actions do we want to take knowing that parent? Is not gonna be part of our future.  It might be easy to reach for things like, I never get what I want, or I try and things don't work out the way that I want them to. It's very easy to reach for those things that create a victimhood mentality for us, that have us feeling like nothing. Attainable for us. And if you're there it is. Okay? There is absolutely no judgment if you are finding yourself going for those things. Why does everything have to be so hard for me? Why don't I ever get what I want? Why is it so easy for other people, but never easy for me? Reaching for that is normal, but it doesn't have to be your truth. What can you find? In your journey that can point to a person that you're proud of or a person who maybe is,  yearning to grow and maybe a person that is able to try things and them not end up in the position or in the resolution that you thought it should. And what do you want to make that mean about you? It's very easy to point blame and fault others for the things that you don't have, but when you can introspectively look at yourself and still love yourself, and still be proud of yourself, that you try things and proud of yourself. You Make it through things and look at yourself in the mirror and know that you tried your best and not make it mean that you weren't good enough or that you weren't smart enough, or that you didn't try hard enough, or that you ate the wrong thing during a cycle, that you were the cause of something not turning out the way. In your mind should have turned out. If you can look at yourself and say, I tried everything that I could, I did everything that was asked of me. I prayed as hard as I could. I sought resources from the best doctors or from the best therapist or from the best practitioners, and even though I did all of that, And it didn't turn out the way that I thought it should. I can still know that I did everything that was available to me. As long as we tell ourselves that we didn't try hard enough or there was still something left on the table that we should have tried, then our mind is always going to continue to find reason that we have played a role in the wrongdoing of so. And that is not a happy place to be. Maybe you can look at something and say, had I tried this again? Or if I try this again, or if I interview for a job again, maybe I'm gonna try this next time. I wonder what would happen if I try this next time, or if I allow myself to still be proud of who I am, even though the goal I was going after. I did not achieve in the way that I wanted to.   Can you look at things and say, maybe I learned through this process that parenthood, or being a mom maybe isn't the only thing that's gonna give me joy. Or maybe being a mom or becoming a a mom isn't the only thing that is gonna give me purpose in my life. Cuz I think a lot of us have associated. Our achievement of motherhood or our inability to become moms as being the thing that is holding us back from finding our purpose and finding our pride and finding our happiness in our life is solely caught up into that being a mob. So if we allow ourselves to say, I've tried. I really did. I gave it all my effort. I did everything that I was asked to do, and even though I did all those things and I wasn't able to become a mom, I've decided today that I wanna start believing that I am worthy of happiness. I wanna start believing that my life can have purpose and that I can create a legacy that I'm gonna start living today, even though motherhood wasn't part of my. So whether it's the job that I went after and I didn't achieve, or the motherhood that you're trying to work through, deciding what it's gonna mean for your future if you decide that you can love yourself and be proud of yourself. And still know that no matter what is ahead of you, you can look at yourself in the mirror and not judge yourself and not tell yourself that you aren't worthy of something. If you look at yourself and tell yourself, I love you anyway. I know you wanted this. I know you thought that this was gonna be your mission, and I know you thought that this was gonna be your purpose and this was gonna be the legacy that you created, but even though you didn't, I'm still gonna be here for you. I'm still gonna love you. I'm still gonna try to find opportunities for you to find that path or for you to discover what it is that you really want to accomplish with your life. And I'm not gonna desert you. I'm gonna be here for you, and I'm gonna still help you fact find, and I'm gonna help you search and reach out and find new reasons to wake up every day feeling proud of yourself.  If you  talk to yourself in that sense, you'll start to see that there's not this anxiousness that you're disappointing yourself all the time. If you've decided that I'm not gonna allow myself to be disappointed by who I am, and I'm not gonna allow myself to be disappointed.  What innately makes you up. Just decide today that you wanna find more reasons to love that version of you and not sabotage that version of you.  And you don't wanna point fingers at who you are and, what you innately are. And maybe you still wanna improve upon things and that's okay. But when you give yourself joy and this ability to just get curious. It doesn't feel as though  you're so worried to feel these things, and maybe you wanna feel disappointment without feeling judgment and allow yourself to feel disappointment. I allowed myself to be disappointed when I found out that this job that I thought was gonna be my magic wand and this story that I could carry on of like, oh my gosh, I triumphed. I had all this disappointment and all this failure that was set forth in my mind about who I was as a woman, and I would've loved to come tell you that I got this job, but I didn't get the job. And what I do with that information is, Carve that next path for me, and it's gonna allow me to go after more things because the more reasons that I show myself that I am worthy of continuing to seek and that I survived another no in my life. And the more I survived my nose and the more I create light and goodness from this place.  I used to think was rejection allows me to just wake up every day and not be scared of not achieving and not point fingers at this version of Lana that I think should be better or should know how to do better.  When you allow yourself to wake up every day and say, I'm gonna love you, regardless of whether you achieved what you thought you would achieve. I'm gonna love you. Even if you don't become a mom, I'm gonna love you, even though you didn't have the children you always dreamed of. When you give yourself that support and you give yourself this sense of backing for yourself, you'll come to realize that you don't need. Others to cheer you on all the time when you have yourself to cheer yourself on, and there's this sense of support that you create for yourself. You'll notice yourself just standing taller and being stronger and being fulfilled by who you are because you know that regardless of your outcome, you'll stand by yourself. So I hope you think about that this week as you start. To stretch yourself and start to put yourself in situations where the outcome might not end up where you thought it would, and just allow your, your journey to motherhood to be your beacon that you still survived. You're still here with us. You're still here to tell your story, and it's up to you how you want to tell that. How do you want to tell your story? What do you want people to know about you, even though you weren't able to achieve the things that you thought would be so easy for you?  Think about that this week, and I also wanna remind you that the other's day is almost a month away. I can't believe that it's almost here. For those of you that have purchased your tickets for the event in Chicago this is going to be amazing.  I wanna tell you, all right now, the great things that I have for you, but I just don't wanna do a spoiler alert, but it's gonna be more grand than you ever imagined. We have our ambassadors in place. We already have our ambassador down in Dallas. We have an ambassador in Kentucky. We've got other ambassadors in the process of setting up their events. So if you're unable to travel to Chicago and you want to still be part of the other's day brunch, Reach out to me. Let me know where you are. Let me know if you wanna be an ambassador. I would love for more women to stand and raise their hands and open their hearts on May 13th  and help women join each other and create an environment where women can just show up and share a cup of coffee, or maybe share a brunch with other women and just feel supported.  If you're seeking connection and don't wanna be an ambassador, I'm hoping that you'll reach out and maybe I can connect you with some other women in the area that can hold the space for you and love you and support you on a day or a weekend that used to feel so hard for you.  Lana mankowski.com/others day is where you can find all the information about our local event, or you can DM me and I will make sure that we find a space for you on the other's day. So have a beautiful week. I love you, and remember, it is never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you next week.

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