One of my go-to tools for interrupting a shame spiral is this mindful self-compassion technique.* You can do it mentally, but for extra oomph try writing it down or saying it out loud.Notice: what is happening, and how do you feel? Use calm and nonjudgmental language. “My house is messier than I want it to be. I feel overwhelmed and ashamed. I have a knot in my stomach.”Remember that you’re human: how is this experience a normal part of being human? “No one is perfect. Everyone struggles with mess sometimes. Of course it’s hard to keep up with parenting and work and keeping a house clean.”Offer kindness: what would you say to a close friend or loved one in this situation? Offer some of that kindness to yourself. “Wow, this is really hard. It’s okay. You’re still a good person even if your house is messy. Let’s just try to do one small task.”Making peace with a harsh inner critic is a lifelong process, and progress is not always linear. Every effort to give yourself some kindness makes a difference.

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