A very cool lady told me one time that each of us have to figure out who we are to our core, really KNOW who we are to our core because we are going to have thoughts, fantasies and cravings that are normal but are not going to serve us. This is why really knowing who you want to be is so important, so that you can compartmentalize those thoughts and say “OK, thats just a thought but doing that would not align with who I am at my core so I will leave it right there where it is.
I love this because sometimes well meaning people, your teachers, religious leaders, parents even will tell you that just having a thought makes you a bad person. I was raised in a pretty strict religion where even thinking about a thought was considered a sin. There were entire domains of things I wasn’t supposed to think about. Why then when I would try so hard did I still think about them? Truth be told every single person in every single religion has had some sort of forbidden thought of some sort. SO It doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you normal. Acting on the thought can have detrimental consequences, depending on what it is. Sometimes we feel so bad about these thoughts we try to use super force to not have them ever.
But Trying to force yourself to NOT think a thought doesn’t work either. Harvard University did a study on the topic, they asked people in the study to NOT think about something and they just couldn’t do it. For example, Right now I want you to think about anything but a White bear. Don’t you think about that white bear. More than likely you are thinking about a white bear. Trying to NOT think about it, actually made you think about it.
So to give you a few examples, have you ever thought about grabbing all the cash from a register and running? Or how about dropping your kids off at a friends house and just never picking them up. Maybe you have fantasies about someone other than your partner. Maybe you think about eating 5 cupcakes in a row because you’re on a diet! These are some of the common thoughts.

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