Someone said something very telling the other day. In a court of law, the criminal knows he's the one, the accuser knows the criminal is the one. So in the scheme of things, it's actually only the judge who is being judged.
 
I was reminded of this when I realized that our relationships are intrinsically not of the other, but about us  - the person in front of us is a mirror in which we can see ourselves.
 
A friend, spouse, lover, stranger, colleague - they will always be who they are. We can come to them as wrecking balls or have the sensitivity to see them as messengers who help us know ourselves, just by being who they are.
 
It's then very simple to realize that our impatience for people to change is merely our message to ourselves to reexamine who we are.
 
The paradox is that once we change, people around us do too. They need to have the confidence of our intent, that what they see as the realized us is an inside-out phenomenon, and not cosmetic change.
 
Of course, there are the outlier cases, of the obstinate or the evil, of the irreparably hurt or the irredeemably wounded. Often these are the relationships we need to step away (run away?) from.
 
When you can't change the world, change worlds.
 

If you liked this poem, consider listening to these other poems on forked ways of loving - 

Here We Are In The Years
Living Inside a Wound
I Come With Mud


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The details of the music used in this episode are as follows -

Andromeda by Sascha Ende

Link: https://filmmusic.io/en/song/Andromeda
Licence:  https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

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