🎙️ TOURING HISTORY PODCAST: MAY 16TH EDITION  COLD OPEN (VO): LANE (VO): May 16th: The day Marie Antoinette got hitched, Mentos made us bold, and lasers were born—not for science, but to amuse cats. Let's tour some history.     LANE: Welcome to Touring History, the podcast where we pretend to be historians because we once watched The History Channel at 3 AM while eating cold pizza. DAVE: And just like that documentary, we'll start strong, drift into chaos, and end with you regretting your life choices—and maybe Googling "Did Marie Antoinette really say that?" LANE: Spoiler: She didn't. But I'm still telling people she did. I'm Lane... DAVE: And I'm Dave. It's May 16th, 2025—a date stuffed with more events than my fridge after a panic grocery run before a 12% chance of rain.     🎉 CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS LANE: Let's celebrate today's birthday legends! Janet Jackson turns 59—officially older than most tech I still refuse to update. My phone thinks it's 2017. DAVE: Megan Fox turns 39, Thomas Brodie-Sangster is 35, Mattia Polibio hits 22, and Joey Graceffa is 34—and still way more successful than either of us with a ring light. LANE: I tried making a TikTok once. It went viral... with my daughter's embarrassment. DAVE: My kids said I could join social media when I learn how to use emojis without making them sound sarcastic.     🕰️ HISTORICAL EVENTS – PART 1 LANE: Let's tour some history! On this day in 1770, Marie Antoinette married future King Louis XVI. The wedding was fancy. The ending? Not so much. DAVE: And no—she never actually said "Let them eat cake." LANE: Dave, stop ruining party trivia. I've got so little left. DAVE: Fine. On May 16, 1866, Congress approved the nickel. Before that, folks paid with buttons, IOUs, or the promise of a firm handshake. LANE: And in 1929, the first Academy Awards were held at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. It lasted 15 minutes—faster than your average Kanye speech. DAVE: No musical numbers. No wardrobe malfunctions. Just "Here's your Oscar, now scram." LANE: In 1960, physicist Theodore Maiman fired the first working laser. Science achievement of the century—now mostly used to annoy pets and zap tattoos. DAVE: And in 1975, Junko Tabei became the first woman to summit Mount Everest. Proving once and for all: if a man does something, a woman can also do it—while freezing and carrying snacks. LANE: Respect. I once carried six grocery bags up two flights of stairs. That was my Everest.     📺 ADVERTISING HISTORY DAVE: Ad nerds, unite! On May 16th, 1916, the U.S. and Britain signed a migratory bird treaty—a landmark in international environmental cooperation. LANE: It was the original bird influencer campaign. "Stop flying into windows, it's not a good look." DAVE: And in 1990, Mentos launched their "Freshmaker" campaign in the U.S.—finally giving awkward people a reason to leap over benches and lie to authority figures with a grin. LANE: I ate a whole roll before a job interview. Still didn't get the job. But I did casually cartwheel across a crosswalk. DAVE: Mentos: the mint that thinks it's a lifestyle coach.     🎙️ AD BREAK (FAKE SPONSOR READ) LANE: Touring History is brought to you by... the Ball Mason Jar Facebook Group—home to 100,000 people who still believe jam should be seasonal and therapeutic. DAVE: From storing pickles to preserving your deep-seated emotional baggage, there's a jar for that. LANE: Did you know there are 347 ways to use a Mason jar for wedding decorations? DAVE: I use them to store my trust issues. They're airtight and stack nicely next to my broken dreams. LANE: Ball Mason Jar Facebook Group. Open lids. Open hearts. Open... arguments about lid tightness.     🗞️ HISTORICAL EVENTS – PART 2 DAVE: We're back. In 1983, Sudan's civil war reignited—leading to decades of conflict and eventually the independence of South Sudan in 2011. LANE: In 1991, Queen Elizabeth II addressed the U.S. Congress—the first British monarch to do so. She did not say, "We're taking the colonies back," but if she had, it would've killed. DAVE: Lane's reenactments are not verified by Buckingham Palace. LANE: Yet. DAVE: In 1966, Mao Zedong launched the Cultural Revolution in China—a massive upheaval of society that makes your HOA newsletter look reasonable. LANE: In 2011, the U.S. hit its debt ceiling. That's when we collectively decided: "What if we just... ignored it?" DAVE: And in 1920, Joan of Arc was canonized as a saint—500 years after leading the French army and being executed for heresy. LANE: Voices told her to lead an army. Voices tell me to eat pizza rolls at 2 AM. Different eras, different saints. DAVE: Saint of the microwave, Lane.     🏁 CLOSING LANE: That wraps up another time-traveling episode of Touring History—where we explore the past so you don't have to Google "weird stuff that happened today." DAVE: Remember, history is just like us—chaotic, misunderstood, and full of bad haircuts. LANE: I'm Lane... DAVE: I'm Dave. Join us tomorrow for more questionable facts and emotional damage disguised as trivia. LANE: Until then... keep your history weird. 00000289 00000289 000037CC 000037CC 00003578 00003578 00007E86 00007E86 00033D14 00033D14

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