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Listen "9. “Where are my keys?!?” 5 Tips You Can Use to Improve Your Neurodivergent Relationship"
Episode Synopsis
This Is How My Brain Works
“Where are my keys?!?” 5 Tips You Can Use to Improve Your Neurodivergent Relationship
#ADHD #ADHDRelationships #ADHDandTouch
Jason’s clip is by Neuro-Nush about 5 ways to improve your relationship with neurodivergent people. In the video, Annushka opens by congratulating people who've chosen neurospicy partners ("the most elite person you can choose") and offers to help you understand your neurodivergent partner better with the following 5 techniques:
1) Gratification & Tactile Technique, which addresses RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria, where the tiniest thing makes an ADHDer feel stabbed thru the hear) by noticing and applauding their achievements and take any opportunity you can to touch your partner,
2) Offer to Help when you see them struggling or feeling overwhelmed,
3) Respect the Routine, basically don't rush them thru or interrupt them as they are getting through their morning ritual or other routine,
4) Give Them Space, like, "You seem stressed, do you want to take a moment in your room?" and
5) Tactile Tactic is when you're explaining something you need them to understand and it seems like they're not giving their attention, hold their hand, look deep in their eyes, they'll listen.
Rudy opens the discussion by recognizing how important it has been for him to understand himself (Hey, this *is* how my brain works!), accepting himself as he is and how he shows up in his relationships, and asking for what he needs. Consequently, his partner has done the same. He's now able to make light of some of the things he does. To be honest, until the ADHDer is comfortable sharing their struggles, they're masking in their relationships. He explains he doesn't want to be seen as someone who, for example, can't find their keys. "You're an adult, you're supposed to be someone who knows where everything is.
Michael responds that there's a period in the relationship (somewhere between the start and the end, Krista jokes) where acceptance hasn't happened yet. Initially, the non-ADHDer thinks their partner is being lazy, making excuses, and once they get on board with the fact that ADHD is an actual thing, they are more likely to use the tools that NeuroNush was talking about. Because the affection, the patting on the back, that stuff is huge for Michael. He responds immensely to the tactile gratification, which reduces his feelings of shame and amps up his feeling of acceptance.
Krista jumps in that tactile tactics don't work for everyone, she resonates much more with the idea of getting space and with respect for her routine. Knowing your partner is key to using the right tactic at the right time. Krista shares an anecdote about her routine being interrupted one morning. As she tries to quickly finish step #3 Fill The Ice Trays, she drops the whole thing and start to melt down. Her kid says, "You know you could just ask for help," to which she said, "No, I can't, not when I'm flooded. I don't know how." She realizes this was one of the first time she was able to put into words.
Sarah shares that a lot of this sounds like a movement from self-criticism and blame (aka judgment) to curiosity. She and Krista both can react badly to touch when they are flooded, but when their partners are curious about why that hand to their back caused them to flinch or yelp, then they can share that what they really need is a moment alone to re-regulate.
Recorded on 3/8/24
Link to CLIP: https://www.tiktok.com/@neuronush/video/7239325930072575259
Thanks to NeuroNush, NUSH short for Annushka, who is an ADHD & mental health content creator and motivational speaker. Find her on Instagram and TikTok where she shares videos and supports including ADHD Supplements and ADHD Sensory Clothing.
#ContentCreator #AxleSpinning #NeedToFillThatIce #IHearWithEarsNotWithEyes #SayThatAgainInAMoreInterestingWay #MeaningfulEyeContact #ADHDersHaveBigIdeas #YoullRememberYouPutThatHere #PeoplePleasers
“Where are my keys?!?” 5 Tips You Can Use to Improve Your Neurodivergent Relationship
#ADHD #ADHDRelationships #ADHDandTouch
Jason’s clip is by Neuro-Nush about 5 ways to improve your relationship with neurodivergent people. In the video, Annushka opens by congratulating people who've chosen neurospicy partners ("the most elite person you can choose") and offers to help you understand your neurodivergent partner better with the following 5 techniques:
1) Gratification & Tactile Technique, which addresses RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria, where the tiniest thing makes an ADHDer feel stabbed thru the hear) by noticing and applauding their achievements and take any opportunity you can to touch your partner,
2) Offer to Help when you see them struggling or feeling overwhelmed,
3) Respect the Routine, basically don't rush them thru or interrupt them as they are getting through their morning ritual or other routine,
4) Give Them Space, like, "You seem stressed, do you want to take a moment in your room?" and
5) Tactile Tactic is when you're explaining something you need them to understand and it seems like they're not giving their attention, hold their hand, look deep in their eyes, they'll listen.
Rudy opens the discussion by recognizing how important it has been for him to understand himself (Hey, this *is* how my brain works!), accepting himself as he is and how he shows up in his relationships, and asking for what he needs. Consequently, his partner has done the same. He's now able to make light of some of the things he does. To be honest, until the ADHDer is comfortable sharing their struggles, they're masking in their relationships. He explains he doesn't want to be seen as someone who, for example, can't find their keys. "You're an adult, you're supposed to be someone who knows where everything is.
Michael responds that there's a period in the relationship (somewhere between the start and the end, Krista jokes) where acceptance hasn't happened yet. Initially, the non-ADHDer thinks their partner is being lazy, making excuses, and once they get on board with the fact that ADHD is an actual thing, they are more likely to use the tools that NeuroNush was talking about. Because the affection, the patting on the back, that stuff is huge for Michael. He responds immensely to the tactile gratification, which reduces his feelings of shame and amps up his feeling of acceptance.
Krista jumps in that tactile tactics don't work for everyone, she resonates much more with the idea of getting space and with respect for her routine. Knowing your partner is key to using the right tactic at the right time. Krista shares an anecdote about her routine being interrupted one morning. As she tries to quickly finish step #3 Fill The Ice Trays, she drops the whole thing and start to melt down. Her kid says, "You know you could just ask for help," to which she said, "No, I can't, not when I'm flooded. I don't know how." She realizes this was one of the first time she was able to put into words.
Sarah shares that a lot of this sounds like a movement from self-criticism and blame (aka judgment) to curiosity. She and Krista both can react badly to touch when they are flooded, but when their partners are curious about why that hand to their back caused them to flinch or yelp, then they can share that what they really need is a moment alone to re-regulate.
Recorded on 3/8/24
Link to CLIP: https://www.tiktok.com/@neuronush/video/7239325930072575259
Thanks to NeuroNush, NUSH short for Annushka, who is an ADHD & mental health content creator and motivational speaker. Find her on Instagram and TikTok where she shares videos and supports including ADHD Supplements and ADHD Sensory Clothing.
#ContentCreator #AxleSpinning #NeedToFillThatIce #IHearWithEarsNotWithEyes #SayThatAgainInAMoreInterestingWay #MeaningfulEyeContact #ADHDersHaveBigIdeas #YoullRememberYouPutThatHere #PeoplePleasers
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