Wallstreet Journal and USA Today bestselling author Dr. Karyn Gordon talks about developing fundamental leadership skills in children at a young age, focusing on building confidence and self-discipline. She relates her experiences as a mother and a family and marriage therapist to encourage parents to set boundaries with technology. She empowers everyone to establish a daily routine to chase their definition of success.


Brett Gilliland: Welcome to the Circuit of Success. I'm your host, Brett Gilliland. Today I've got Dr. Karyn Gordon with me. Karysn, how you doing? 
Dr. Karyn Gordon: I'm doing well. How are you doing? 
Brett Gilliland: I am great. We were talking before we started recording. You're up there looking at a, maybe a foot and a half of snow or something and just what, two hours north of Toronto?
Dr. Karyn Gordon: I am two hours north of Toronto and literally we had a snowstorm last night, so my kids are actually home today. Uh, they have a snow day they're very excited about, but it is a winter wonderland. Um, but, you know, it's beautiful and I feel very blessed.
Brett Gilliland: Very blessed to be inside where it's, you know, 70, 72 degrees and warm, right?.
Dr. Karyn Gordon: Right. Yeah.
Brett Gilliland: You know, the snow days are kind of getting ruined, aren't they? I mean, it used to be you could get a snow day to go play, but now sometimes they say snow day, but you're still gonna get up and get on Zoom and do some, do some schooling. That happens every now and then. 
Dr. Karyn Gordon: Usually, you know what, their last school, they did that, but not this one. This one. They're like, snow days just enjoy yourself. 
Brett Gilliland: That's right. Right. Um, we've got a few of those built in the, the old school days are built in, but then there's a number of them that if, if we get to that number, we gotta go back online. I'm gonna read a few things about you, Karen, because you've gotta quite the resume. Um, I can't read at all because we would just have a podcast about your resume and then that would be boring for everybody. So, uh, but we're gonna start with, uh, you are a 'Wall Street Journal' and 'USA Today' bestselling author. You are a 'Ted Talk' speaker, and here's what I thought was awesome. You were the top 10 most popular Ted, 'TEDx' talk in 2022 globally. That's a big deal. Ums a very big deal. 
Dr. Karyn Gordon: The actual number was number six. 
Brett Gilliland: Six. Number six for those counting and keeping score at home, what you got to in life, right? Uh, you were the CEO and cal, uh, co-founder of DK Leadership. You have a doctorate in marriage and, uh, and family with, uh, and you were the spokesperson. 
I thought this was cool For Maple Leaf Foods, Microsoft, eHarmony, and UNICEF. Um a professional counselor for 25 years, an executive coach, uh, a media personality who's consulted for 'Good Morning America', 'Forbes' entrepreneur, the 'New York Times' and Cityline. And again, I could go on and on and on, but a doctorate is a big deal.
Uh, and I didn't put put in there with, uh, honoring her work for organizations and families, uh, by the council, general counsel of, uh, Canada, uh, in New York. That was cool. But emotional intelligence is a big part of your life as well. So again, I could go on and on, but that's, that's her resume, ladies and gentlemen.
So, Karen, welcome uh, to the Circuit of Success. 
Dr. Karyn Gordon: I'm glad.. I'm excited. to speak with you and all of your awesome listeners. 
Brett Gilliland: Great. Well, if you can, I always ask a very big question first on all these episodes is what's made you the woman you are today? Uh, to get you to where you don't wake up and do all this stuff without a, without a backstory. So what is that?
Dr. Karyn Gordon: The backstory? You know, that's a great question. Um, if, for anybody who've seen my TED Talk, uh, it, I designed it specifically for families, teams, and schools. And in the TED Talk, I talk about, uh, it's really the three mindsets of a leader, insecure, competent, arrogant. And in the talk TED Talk, I talk about being diagnosed with a learning disability when I was 13 years old and told by a clinical psychologist that I had a very severe learning disability and I'd be lucky to finish high school. And that was the story. That was kind of my own kind of, that's my backstory on kind of when my leadership really started was really at a, at a crossroads and I had to make some very fundamental decisions at 13 years old around what I was gonna do with my life.
And so, It was definitely, uh, that was kind of with when it started being a very stubborn, strong spirited kid, uh, having to fall badly, uh, having parents that really were amazing and letting me fall. And then finally at 14 years old, being willing to actually receive help. And so once I actually started receiving help, going for extra help, learning about my disability, all of a sudden I that, you know, I started to receive success and, um, and it was so, so I really, really believe that leadership, and this is for everybody listening, whether or not you're a business owner, entrepreneur, professional, parent, whatever it is, I really believe that leadership is a mindset, not a position or a role.
And you can actually start teaching that to children at a very, very young age. And so one of my biggest things when I'm speaking to parents, the importance about letting your kids fail and really trying to. Fundamental leadership skills at a very, very young age. Um, and so that's part of the reason why I'm so passionate about this work is because, you know, there are so many things in life we cannot control.
But if we can help ourselves and our teams and our kids focus on things that they can control and having that locus of control, all of a sudden, that's really when success starts, uh, taking off however people define success. Um, but that's really with what it starts, it starts leadership. Really just start with developing yourself.
Brett Gilliland: Yeah, I, I couldn't agree more. And I, I think it's always a question I like to ask, and usually later, but I'll start with it now, is, and you just said it as, success is defined differently by everybody, right? I think in our modern world that we live in, and probably for generations success, I'm using air quotes.
If you're just listening it, it used to be defined as just money, right? Oh, this person, man or woman, makes a bunch of money. They're successful. I'm in the money business. I work with money every day, all day. I own a wealth management firm. It's what we do, but I personally define success for myself and for our clients as time with your family, right? your vacation planning, your, your, the books you're reading, the people you're surrounding yourself with. Money is certainly part of that, right? 
Dr. Karyn Gordon: Sure. 
Brett Gilliland: but, how do you define success? 
Dr. Karyn Gordon: Yeah, great question. So in my book, the three chairs, I talk about what I call the six piece of engagement.
And it's something that I. What I love doing is looking at data. I'm a data girl. I love numbers, love math, love good research. But what I do is I find patterns in the research because there's a lot of stuff out there, but if you can kind of boil it down and kind of look for patterns. And so when I really started studying, uh, teams that were doing phenomenal, families that were doing phenomenal people that were doing phenomenal, I started to notice that there were six categories.
That people we're paying attention to. I called the six piece of engagement. I talked about 'em in my book, the three chairs. And you can actually literally do this, whether or not you are a parent, you have got teenagers, you've got teams who can do it right across the board. But the six categories are six areas that we all need to be paying attention to.
So the first piece is purpose. We all need a sense of purpose. What drives us, uh, it comes with our values. How are we actually giving back? We've got professional goals and career goals. Um, School goals. Profit is the other piece. So that would be, you know, how do we manage our money? I did actually, you find this interesting, I did my doctorate in, uh, over indulgence for families and speak specifically on financial literacy and what happens when that skillset is not, when, when we don't properly teach that to kids.
So profit, really getting, getting really managing your money so your money does not manage you. Uh, physical health is another one. Play and people, so those are the six, the six piece. And this is an exercise I do as an individual. My husband and I and business partner do it every year. We get our teens or we've got twins that are 15 years old.
We get them to do it every year. We get our team to do it. And you basically look at these six different categories and you start identifying your goals. I usually recommend one to two per category, and that becomes your roadmap for the year. Um, so that you. Proactive in terms of how you're lead leading your life instead of reactive, which is what too often we actually see.
And so I find all six of those categories are extremely important. And when I work with different leaders, depending on who they are, sometimes they may be like, gosh, you know what? This makes sense. I'm really focusing so much on the profit and the professional goals, but my physical health is totally off for my people and my wife.
My marriage is totally off. And to be really successful, the way I look at it is you have to pay attention to all six. You have all six require time and energy and some intentionality. So to really, you know, it's pausing. It takes 15 minutes, but just having that roadmap per day will be such a gift to yourself this next year.
Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And, and, and it's amazing what you just said there, the six Ps I, I have what I call my f to the six power, right? It's,

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