I was carrying a 40-pack of water up three flights of stairs in 115-degree Arizona heat, sweating through my shirt, for a customer who barely tipped—and I felt grateful. Not sarcastically. Actually grateful. Because this is my life right now: a gig worker in my 40s, forced to accept 70% of all orders or get no work at all, making $20,000 less than last year while working more hours, taking orders that feel humiliating. And somewhere in those stairs, I chose reverence instead of resentment.This episode is about finding gratitude when life feels like a complete failure. I share the inner critic that's followed me since graduating high school a year late, the voice that says "you screwed up—you should have a career by now, own a house, spend more time with your kids." The devastation I feel listening back to podcast episodes thinking I failed again. The yo-yo dieting, the cannabis relapses when my son moved out, the energy drink addiction I keep trying to quit. And Master Yoda's words that cracked me open in the theater: "The greatest teacher, failure is."We explore the original Hebrew meaning of "fear of the Lord" (actually reverence to be, reverence for existence), Paul on having the same mind as Christ who "emptied himself," Lao Tzu's contentment ("I alone possess nothing, I drift like a wave"), St. John of the Cross on dark nights that annihilate our meannesses, compassion for the people hardest to love (the McDonald's manager who chewed me out, my father whose anger scarred me, corporate CEOs destroying the planet), Jesus forgiving from the cross ("they know not what they do"), and the lake reflecting moonlight (stillness reveals your true nature).Featuring wisdom on failing forward vs. being defined by failure, loving yourself when you can't quit your addiction, embracing withdrawals with gratitude, seeing everyone as "the million masks of God" (including the person on a scooter at Walmart), why judgment of others is really judgment of self, "loose the bonds in your heart" (Aramaic for forgiveness), the two thieves on either side of Jesus (regret and worry) while he stays present in the middle, and Lao Tzu's "supreme good is like water, content with low places people disdain."We also discuss: my confrontation with a district manager where I caught the anger rising and chose compassion instead, forgiving my father for things I'll never forget, having compassion even for your inability to forgive, Martin Luther King Jr.'s "we will wear you down with our capacity to suffer," and thanking your body for carrying you through everything.If you're drowning in self-criticism, feel like a failure despite trying so hard, or wonder how to find gratitude when life keeps kicking you—this one's for you. Can you say thank you to the sky for putting on new clothing every day? Can you have reverence for simply being alive?Want to share a thought?Support the show🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/standingnowhere🎧 Listen on your favorite app💬 Join our community on Discord📩 Email: [email protected](Tap “Support the show” above to become a Patron — thank you!)

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