It’s been a while.
And I have plenty of excuses for why I haven’t been publishing regularly.
I think the fluffiest way to put it is, I’ve been in a funk, the kind that is less than depression but more than a bad day.
But ultimately, the reason I haven’t been publishing isn’t as important as the fact that I’m back here today.
And I’d actually like to extend that thought to you, if you have felt like you’re stuck in a funk, or a walking depression of sorts, or just haven’t been showing up as the self that you’d like to, I give you permission to recognize that the time spent outside of your true or ideal self is less important as the moments that you spend working on being you again.
Anyway, that said…
I’ve been doing plenty of thinking, and also trying not to think too plentifully. (because let’s be honest, over thinking never did anyone any good)
But I’ve learned a lot about myself
Even though I’ve felt like I’ve been in this big deep, funk, I’ve still learned a lot about myself.
That’s one of the really cool things that I’ve found about life, whether we’re moving toward a positive upward motion and productivity, or maybe spiraling in a negative direction, learning more about ourself is always available and sometimes, its during those negative spirals that we learn the most about ourselves and about what we want, who we are, where we want to go and what we want to do.
Have you heard of Gretchen Rubin and her 4 tendencies?
Gretchen Rubin is a researcher, and she has packaged people up into 4 different tendency personalities. These come into play when expectations are on the table.
TO give a brief summary, There’s the Upholder, someone who does what they say they’ll do because they said it, they just need to know what should be done and they do it.  The Questioner, someone who wants to know the why of everything before they’ll commit, they need justification. The Obliger, this person needs to be kept accountable to someone else, but will do what other people expect of them. And the Rebel, the one who needs freedom to do whatever they want in their own way.
Keep in mind, these are tendencies all of us probably have a little bit of each inside of us.
But I learn mostly toward Obliger, and Rebel, depending on the day or the expectation.
When it comes to my podcast, I find myself leaning toward rebel tendencies.  I don’t want to do anything because I have to, because it’s the right way, because it’s how to build a following, etc.  But I do want to keep my podcast and I want to express the message I want to share.
My mission with this podcast is to give you tools to live a life with greater perspective, truth and grace.
This is all my long way of saying that I want to keep producing podcast episodes, but I’m going to stop making it such a big deal to keep all the rules (whatever they are).
As an Obliger, one who likes to be kept accountable - this is just my way of keeping myself accountable to you, my listeners, all of this over explanation of where I’m at and letting you know that you can expect something slightly unconventional going forward.
This is me, and I would like to be unapologetically me - a little bit a mess with a passion to share a message.
Next episode, I’m going to share a little more about how I’m working my way out of this whatever funk or stuckness I’ve been in, (I don’t know a better word for it, less than depression but more than just a bad day (ahem, months)), my mom calls it walking depression where you look fine, you’re still mostly functional, but not quite living like you want to.
Spoiler, next episode will be about finding or living into your purpose in life.
But I anticipate future episodes to be unorthodoxically short, unless they’re not. (No more rules here)
But as always, be watchful and stay curious.

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