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Listen "#43: Dr. Bill Harley. Author, His Needs, Her Needs. Marriage-Relationship of Mutual, Extraordinary Care. Emotional Needs. Love Busters. Policy of Mutual Agreement. 15-hrs. of Undivided Attention."
Episode Synopsis
00:28 – Background. PhD in psychology. Positive personal experience of marriage. Book, His Needs, Her Needs originated in a Sunday school class.
11:07 – Learned how to help couples fall in love. In love couples don’t get divorced.
16:44 – Successful marriage counselors: Have program which works. Able to motivate couple to take action.
Handle couples' emotional reactions.
19:56 – Elements of his program: Definition of marriage
- relationship of mutual, extraordinary care. Teach people to meet spouse’s emotional needs. Make deposits in their “love bank”. Avoid “love busters”. Policy of mutual agreement. 15 hours a week of undivided attention.
26:44 – Goal of 15 hours of undivided attention helps
couples meet their spouses emotional needs.
29:53 – Devotional book, Draw Close. Goal is to have Lord as third partner in marriage.
31:17 – Five biggest sources of conflict in marriage.
When a person's attitudes and behavior are in conflict, it's easiest to change attitudes by changing behavior.
37:15 – Communication is a skill set. Communicate care for spouse by intimate conversation, listening, undivided attention, and showing interest in other person.
44:01 – Biggest changes in marital issues over past 40 to 50 years. Power of women increased, dominating marital relationships. Harder to reach men yet men are key to a successful marriage.
46:40 – Men tend to abdicate responsibility in marriage. Number one reason for divorce is men neglecting their wives.
58:38 – Gottman's research shows on emotionally reactive people and compatibility are predictive of divorce likelihood.
1:03:11 – Provides free questionnaires to help couples identify emotional needs, love busters, and marital problems analysis. Many couples can work through issues without a counselors. Situations where a counselor is needed.
1:07:53 – If one spouse really wants to strengthen marriage, ask other spouse to identify their emotional needs and then work on meeting those needs.
1:11:13 – Starting marriage ministry in church. Find out what marriage programs work and use them. Eventually start small group(s).
1:16:00 – Utilizing his Marriage Builder resources in a church. Start with 6 week His Needs, Her Needs sessions. Home study groups.
1:22:17 – For additional resources, questionnaires go to www.marrigebuilders.com
11:07 – Learned how to help couples fall in love. In love couples don’t get divorced.
16:44 – Successful marriage counselors: Have program which works. Able to motivate couple to take action.
Handle couples' emotional reactions.
19:56 – Elements of his program: Definition of marriage
- relationship of mutual, extraordinary care. Teach people to meet spouse’s emotional needs. Make deposits in their “love bank”. Avoid “love busters”. Policy of mutual agreement. 15 hours a week of undivided attention.
26:44 – Goal of 15 hours of undivided attention helps
couples meet their spouses emotional needs.
29:53 – Devotional book, Draw Close. Goal is to have Lord as third partner in marriage.
31:17 – Five biggest sources of conflict in marriage.
When a person's attitudes and behavior are in conflict, it's easiest to change attitudes by changing behavior.
37:15 – Communication is a skill set. Communicate care for spouse by intimate conversation, listening, undivided attention, and showing interest in other person.
44:01 – Biggest changes in marital issues over past 40 to 50 years. Power of women increased, dominating marital relationships. Harder to reach men yet men are key to a successful marriage.
46:40 – Men tend to abdicate responsibility in marriage. Number one reason for divorce is men neglecting their wives.
58:38 – Gottman's research shows on emotionally reactive people and compatibility are predictive of divorce likelihood.
1:03:11 – Provides free questionnaires to help couples identify emotional needs, love busters, and marital problems analysis. Many couples can work through issues without a counselors. Situations where a counselor is needed.
1:07:53 – If one spouse really wants to strengthen marriage, ask other spouse to identify their emotional needs and then work on meeting those needs.
1:11:13 – Starting marriage ministry in church. Find out what marriage programs work and use them. Eventually start small group(s).
1:16:00 – Utilizing his Marriage Builder resources in a church. Start with 6 week His Needs, Her Needs sessions. Home study groups.
1:22:17 – For additional resources, questionnaires go to www.marrigebuilders.com
In God we trust