Listen "Superhuman to Human: Rethink the Way You Work, Play, & Rest (#2)"
Episode Synopsis
Superhuman to HumanEpisode 2 Possible Headlines:#2: Superhuman to Human: Rethink the Way You Work, Play, & Rest The Hook [reflective music with a little more energy — to match the fact that he’s running] I’m in Shanghai on another work trip. It's 6 am and I'm out for a morning run. It’s what I do before work no matter where I am in the world. But this morning is different. Because even though I’m an experienced runner with lots of races and training under my belt, my legs won’t run. I call my wife in a panic saying, “Honey, I'm out for a run, but I can't. I can only walk.” It didn’t occur to me at the time, but the reason I couldn’t run was that my body was exhausted. I’d left my home on Sunday night, took a four and half hour flight to LA where I switched planes at 1 AM and then flew directly to Shanghai. When I landed early Tuesday morning, I hadn’t been to bed since Saturday and had not slept well on the planes during those two days of travel. But I went directly to the hotel and put on my running shoes anyway. After all, this was my system for managing jet lag: get out and run in the morning so that the sunlight would help my body adjust to that time zone. I told myself that if I didn’t do this, then I wouldn’t have the energy to get through the day. But who was I trying to be? Superman?! It would be more than a year before I realized just how ridiculous the expectations of myself were. And that it was time to transition from striving to be Superman to simply being human. [music fades] THEMED INTRO: [themed music plays] I’m Art Blanchford, and this is Life in Transition, a podcast about making the most of the changes we’re given. Whether you’re starting a new job, moving to another country, leaving behind bad habits, or embracing a new purpose, change is rarely easy. But it can be the best thing that ever happened to you. If you’re ready to love your life even when it’s in transition — and maybe even learn to love transition itself — keep listening. Because YOU are in exactly the right place. EPISODE:Part 1: Why this topic matters to listeners Hello everybody, welcome back to Life in Transition. I’m Art Blanchford and today I’m excited to go even deeper into a topic that I touched on in the first episode: workaholism. I wanted to talk about this because as someone who’s worked in corporate leadership in businesses all over the world, I know I’m not alone. Even if you don’t feel like you struggle with full-blown workaholism, finding a healthy work/life balance is a struggle for everyone. Maybe like me, you’ve bought into the idea that you have to be productive ALL the time, and that putting in more hours makes you a better leader, worker, and human being. That your personal worth correlates to your performance at work. That you have to be SUPERHUMAN in everything you do. I once thought all of that. But it’s NOT true. And it took me over 40 years to learn this. (I hope you are a little faster learner than I was :-) Thankfully, I’ve discovered some healthier ways of relating to work, achievement, and productivity. I can’t wait to share them with you. But before we get into those practices, I want to take you back 25 years before that Shanghai trip. Because you’ll see that there were a lot of sign posts warning me about the road I was heading down. Sign posts that I couldn’t read at the time. [music begins]Part 2: 30 Years of People Pleasing I'm in my college professor's office. His name is Dr. Bhaji, and he’s famous for designing some of the mechanisms used in Star Wars. I'm in his office on this particular day to complain about the workload of his mechanisms design class. I tell him about all the activities I have — how I'm president of this and vice-president of that, how I’m working nearly full time, and doing all of this while taking 19 hours of engineering courses. I say, “I have to quit working on your class or it's gonna sink me. I'm putting in 40 hours a week on your one three-hour class alone.” Dr. Bhaji looks like he’s in shock as I say all this. He's a very tough professor, but I think, “Great, I finally got through to him.” He rubs his face and looks over the top of his glasses at me and says in his high-pitched voice that I can still hear today, “Well,[1] Mr. Blanchford, you signed up to be Superman. And now you have to prove it. Good day!” [music ends] Those words were prophetic! Looking back, I see how much I’ve been trying to live up to them to prove that I am in fact Superman. I spent 30 years this way. 30 years of thinking I am my work, that I must be perfect and always do more than and better than anybody expects of me in every situation. Why did I do that? Well, it’s simple — so that nobody could call me out. I’d criticize myself before somebody else so that I was always a step ahead. At work, that meant figuring out what question my boss or customer would ask before they asked it, so that I had an answer prepared and ready to go. For 30 years, my work consumed me. I became the ultimate people pleaser, always worried about what others thought of me. But when my body broke down last spring, I realized that I was a workaholic. And I desperately needed to rethink not just the way I approached work, but the rest of my life as well. If not, I wouldn’t have much life left. Part 3: Rethinking Work, Play & Life When you first hear the term workaholic, maybe you imagine someone who works day and night. Someone who’s glued to their computer 24/7. Interestingly enough, that’s not always the case. In fact,[2][3] when researchers Lieke ten Brummelhuis and Nancy Rothbard conducted a study comparing the health risks of workaholism with just working long hours, they found that there wasn’t a clear correlation between the two. Some people worked really long hours, but didn’t exhibit workaholic behaviors. When they finished work, they were able to relax and focus on other areas of life. People who struggle with workaholism on the other hand, obsess over work even when they’re not working. They may feel compelled to work even when they aren’t required to be on the clock. This was me. I didn't work all the time, but I obsessed over work constantly. And I was completely addicted to activity, even if it wasn’t related to my job. I was always doing something. I was so consumed with working, that I even turned play into work. I began doing a fair amount of endurance sports like running and skiing. And rather than enjoy it, I would tell myself, “I have to set up a training regimen and stick to it.” If I planned to do a six-mile run, I expected myself to run the six miles, no matter what. When I signed up for an app called Strava, which allows you to track, upload, and share your runs with athletes all over the world, I felt like I had to stick to the goals I’d set — sometimes pushing myself to the point of injury because people on Strava would see it. (Yes, I was people-pleasing even on Social Media!) Turning what should be fun and rejuvenating into something serious and achievement oriented became a habit. On holidays and vacations, I’d have intense FOMO, or fear of missing out. I would think, “Okay, I'm in a place that I traveled far to get to, so I better make the most of it while I'm here. I better push myself, experience everything, and do everything while I'm here.” Of course, this defeated the whole purpose of using the vacation to relax, rest and recharge. I often came home more tired than I left, joking that I needed a vacation from the vacation. But I thought this was normal at the time. It wasn’t until I started suffering physically last year that I began to do some digging. Why was I so addicted to activity? Why couldn't I sit still or allow myself to rest? Slowly, I realized that I drove myself hard all the time because I didn't want to feel the spiritual and emotional hollowness sitting inside my chest. It was an emptiness that I’d feel physically whenever I became still or “didn’t have anything to do.” Workaholism helped me avoid this feeling, but now it was time to face it. [transitional music] Part 4: 3 Ways to Transition from Superhuman to Human Not being enough.[4] THAT was the feeling I was doing everything in my power to escape. “Not enough” was the root cause of the physical, emotional, and spiritual deadness I felt inside. Keeping busy and working hard were merely my bandaids of choice to cover it.. Maybe you’re in a similar spot. You’ve been chasing approval and achievement your whole life to feel you are enough. Maybe you’re now ready to transition from being Superhuman to simply being human. If you’ve lived your whole life feeling you must be SuperWoman or SuperMan, it’s a big change. I’d love to share three mindset shifts that have really helped me. First, recognize the value of setting boundaries. This was tough for me, because I’ve always said, ‘Yes,’ to any opportunities that have come my way — even if that meant skating by with as little sleep as possible. In fact at one point, my college buddy wrote on my car window: “Art’s motto: There's plenty of time to sleep in the grave.” And to be honest, considering how little I was resting, I was headed there early! I’m learning that resting is essential for every human. Everyone needs it. But it’s up to you to set the boundaries you need in order to rest. For example, when COVID first hit and I was recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I wasn’t traveling all over the world anymore, but I still had a lot of requests for meetings. Since I work with people all over the globe, many of these meetings started as early as four in the morning and others went as late as 9 or 10 pm. I was trying to take care of myself and break my people pleasing habits, but struggled with deciding which meetings to decline and which to take. After working through some of this with Workaholics Anonymous, I decided to set some boundaries for myself by setting a meeting policy. I met with my assistant and said, “Here are my working hours, and I'm only going to work before 7am one morning, per week.” Sounds simple, but it was a hard decision. I worried that this would be unacceptable to my colleagues. I did take a fair amount of flack, but mostly from myself — thinking I'm not good enough and that I'm not going to be adding as much value as I should be to the company. But once I made that hard decision, my life got much easier. My secretary was able to implement that policy on her own. It’s like what the Polish Olympic weightlifter, Jerzy Gregorek, says: “If you make easy decisions, you have a hard life and if you make hard decisions, you have an easy life.” The second practice that will help you transition from being Superhuman to human is surrender. Surrender to trusting life, trusting the process, and accepting that others are at least as capable as you. Surrender to the fact that you don’t have to do everything yourself, and it doesn’t have to be perfect, or done in a specific way. Over the last couple of years I’ve adopted the phrase, “letting go and letting God.” At work, this means surrendering the responsibility of getting every little thing done on my own and letting go of a specific outcome. It’s easy to create pressure and stress by thinking it must work out a certain way. I used to say things to myself like, “I MUST get this new order and it MUST be this month or else I will be disrespected and maybe even fired.” Or, “I won’t be OK unless I hit my budget this month. I always thought it must happen exactly this way AND in this time.” The biggest step to transitioning from Superhuman to Human is surrendering that entire thought process. Recognize that you would like a certain result, AND that there’s a big picture possibility that allows for a different outcome. Either way, you’ll be ok. I am ok as a human being regardless of the outcome. Now when something new pops up, instead of asking, “How can I do this?” I’ve learned to ask, “Does this even need to be done?” If so then, “Who can do this?” Because I might not be the right person for this project or task. There may be someone else that's much better at doing this, or another person who WANTS to handle it and it is an opportunity for them to grow even if I could do it better. If you’re used to shouldering everything on your own, this will take some humility. But try it anyway. Before you take on a new project or task, ask yourself, What will happen if it doesn’t get done? Is it really necessary?Who has the skills AND capacity to do this?Who is the right person to do this? Who is someone who could help me with this? You may find that you’re the right person for the job, or you may find that you’re not. Implementing this practice was really eye-opening for me because I realized how much I’d overlooked or undervalued the capabilities of my colleagues. If I'm honest with myself, I was pretty arrogant. I thought I was better at almost everything than everybody else. Because of that, I unconsciously hindered the growth of my colleagues and team members — AND overburdened myself. As you surrender control over your work and delegate more, keep in mind that you’re giving other people the opportunity to grow. Then you will also learn to notice and celebrate the strengths of others. I’ve found that the more I delegate and support my team to find their own way, the more I feel like a human being. Now for the third and final practice you can use: Mindfulness. Mindfulness is all about focusing on the moment and being present. Rather than thinking about a task you need to get done in the future, or some meeting that didn’t go well yesterday, you stay in the moment. This has been a big one for me, and has meant spending a lot of time in meditation. Even when I’m running, if I’m not listening to a book or visiting a friend, I’m learning to really focus on the beauty of the sunrise, the cheerful bird song, the colorful leaves falling around me, or the feel of the breeze on my skin. Here are some ways you can use this at work:First, stop what you’re doing at least once per hour to take 5 deep, focused breaths. Then, check in with your body. Do you need a stretch, short walk, some fresh air, a bathroom break, or a glass of water? You can also make this a regular practice between tasks. Second, be fully present in what you are doing. That means NO MORE multitasking. Why? Because multitasking divides your attention. It keeps you from being present and mindful, and as a result you miss out. I know in business we often consider multitasking as a strength, but it’s less effective and productive than doing one thing at a time. (If you want to learn more about this, see our show notes OR you can read Multitasking is Worse Than a Lie by Dave Crenshaw.) Third and finally, carve out some distraction-free time at the beginning of each day to reflect on the most important thing for you to achieve that day. If it works better for you, you can also do this in the evening before to help you plan out the following day. Part 5: Redefining Productivity If you’re still in the throws of hustling through your career, you might be thinking, “Sure, Art. setting boundaries, surrender, and mindfulness sound great and all — but I need to be productive!” I get that and here’s where I want to encourage you. Doing all three of these practices — setting boundaries, surrender, and mindfulness — has made me look at productivity completely differently. I used to think that productivity equaled hard work and blunt force. Just get it done and work hard all the time. And I was very good at that, as maybe you are. I was like a bulldozer. I just kept going no matter how much I was pushing. But productivity STARTS with rest, exercise, fun, connection, and creativity. I’ll go so far as to say that hard work makes up less than half of being truly productive. Take it from me — I spent so much time not allowing myself to rest, be creative or have fun. But because of that, I wasn't nearly as productive as I could be. Yeah sure, I may have gotten a lot done, but were they the right things? Were they the right quality and in the right timing? Did they REALLY add as much value as I thought they would at the end of the day? Being a productive, valuable human is not about who travels more, who puts in more hours, who starts earlier on a Saturday, who sends emails later on a Sunday or Monday, or who's on call all the time. That's all bullshit straight from the workaholic’s handbook. If you really want to be productive, allow yourself space to be inspired. From enjoying the beauty of a sunset, a fascinating book, or meeting a random stranger with a completely different background than you — inspiration comes from a clear, well-rested mind. Trust me, really experiencing life outside of work will help you be more productive at work. Even more importantly, it will help you be a better human being. Part 6: Wrapping up It's been a year since Chronic Fatigue Syndrome wiped me out and forced me to look at my workaholic mindset and habits. After spending a year focused on setting boundaries, surrender, and mindfulness, I can honestly say that I feel an energy and spark coming back. At the end of an all-day investor conference where I presented last week, a colleague said to me, “Wow, Art. You really look like you're getting your vitality back. You look much younger and healthier. You're even glowing a little bit!” And remember that hollowness and deadness I used to feel inside? I’m happy to say that it’s slowly abating, making way for more peace, creativity, joy, contentment, and connection. I’m transitioning from striving to be Superhuman to enjoying being simply and exquisitely human. I hope these stories and practices help you build a healthier relationship with work and to allow yourself to be fully human. Remember, setting boundaries is valuable. You don’t have to do everything on your own. Enjoy this moment and this transition, because there will never be another one exactly like it. Before we go, I want ask yourself a few questions to help you digest what you’ve learned today:How can you make the hard decisions to set boundaries, surrender, or add mindfulness to your life? How can you make your life easier?Are you using overworking to avoid a certain feeling? If so, what’s that feeling? What does that feeling want to tell you?What’s one small way you can transition from trying to be Superhuman to human today? Connect with me on LinkedIn and let me know. I’d love to hear what you got out of this episode. (Insert text from end of episode one)[5][6] [theme music begins to play] Thank you so much for joining me today. Make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, and it would mean a lot to me if you shared this episode with a friend. I’m Art Blanchford, and I’ll see you next time on Life in Transition. [music plays] CREDITS Life in Transition is co-written and produced by Laura Boach. And if you want to learn more about me and what I do when I’m not podcasting, please visit me at artblanchford.com. Life In Transition is a production of (GFS Sonic Logo [“Great Feeling Studios” read by my nephew followed by a laugh of my son]) I would say this part without any accent since we didn't give context on Dr. Bahji's first language :)I found myself wondering about this when I heard your voice memo so I pulled this research in. Feel free to cut if you don't like it, but here's the article I'm referring to: https://hbr.org/2018/03/how-being-a-workaholic-differs-from-working-long-hours-and-why-that-matters-for-your-healthThanks for being so proactive here. Loved the article. Reached out to Lieke on LinkedIn.Since we have that transitional music, I think starting with this strong statement works better here. Otherwise, asking the question, "What was this feeling?" would work really [email protected]@gmail.com can you please write of the text from the call of action I spoke at the end of episode one and add it to 1 and 2? Thanks!_Assigned to Laura Bocianski_Hi Art! If you spoke something different during episode 1 that you prefer to be here, that's a task that you'll need to do. I already copied the text that was in episode one script, which you can find here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bRZrMEzFhzWiJGl_I_IS1-rb-jYzlafi_EDw-5LKrLg/edit.
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