In this episode of The Healing Her podcast Christi and Donna discuss emotion regulation, the process of staying calm and grounded when you feel like exploding. Everyone gets upset from time to time. But losing your temper can damage relationships and cause disconnection with people you love. Here are some tools for staying calm when you feel upset.

Regulate yourself first
Donna shares a story of getting angry when her teenager yells at her. Instead of yelling back she regulates her own emotions by going to another room and breathing until she feels calmer.

Hit the Pause Button- you may tell the person you are with that you need to hit the pause button and come back to the conversation when you don't feel so flooded or activated.

Go to another location, another room, take a walk, go for a drive.
Focus on your breathing. Take a deep breath, notice your feelings. Keep taking deep breaths until your body and your mind feel calmer.
How do you need to re-engage the conversation? In the story Donna shares that she reminds her son “You may not talk to me that way.” She stayed calm and grounded, which opened up communication.

The Do-Over, we all say things we regret. Asking someone for a do-over is a way to apologize and practice changing the regretful behavior.

When you realize you have said or done something that you wish you hadn't, say out loud. “Can I have a Do_Over?" You may need to go to another room and calm yourself before deciding what would be a better thing to say. Come back to your person and say, I am sorry, I wish I had said...

Staying in your adult - According to Jan Bergstrom's book, Gifts from a Challenging Childhood, we all have child part, teen parts and adult parts.
Our child parts often feel small and overwhelmed.
Our teen parts are critical, judgemental or rude.
Our adult parts stay grounded, not get flooded emotionally, and can be reasonable. They can be the calming presence in the room.

Resources:
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd
Gifts From A Challenging Childhood by Jan Bergstrom

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