There is much in our world to be grateful for. Air travel, edible underwear, or online quizzes to tell us which Disney villain we are, for example. There is no Thank You card large enough to express our admiration for essential workers like GrubHub delivery people or prison wardens. Therefore we have a day – a national holiday – where we can sit in the comfort of our homes and quietly whisper our thanks into the abyss the best way we know how: sitting around a dead bird and gorging ourselves on our own plenty. Thus we are saved from showing any meaningful form of gratitude.



Conveniently located on the unforgettable date of – insert fourth Thursday in November here – we can share our gratitude isolated from the community we rely on – thanking teachers and firemen that were not invited – comfortably and ironically almost a full year before we see the first Tuesday in November where we can safely talk of defunding them again. Joins hands with Mat and Veronique as we bow our heads and ignore the plight of those on whom we wish Thanks Giving.



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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