This President’s Day, America comes together to celebrate – like every holiday – the things that matter most to our nation, Deals. Now that the presidency has been reduced to the hollow pulpit of reality-show ridiculousness, we are free to embrace that which is core to America. We the people, in order to create a more perfect facade of family values, sell cheap imported trinkets at slightly less than artificially inflated retail prices and call it a deal. After selling out everything that America once stood for in the name of corporate profits, can we the people finally get a discount? Stock up with Mat and Veronique as we gouge our neighbors eyes’ and elbow our brethren in a race to dredge the bargain bin bottoms of Sales!



*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.



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