How we talk might seem like it makes sense, is natural, and is the right way to communicate; however, many, many arbitrary habits and norms have been built into how we code our own communication. While we communicate directly, indirectly, and through metamessages, we build trust, competition, or intimacy with the people we are in communication with. Misunderstandings are rife, conflicts are increased, and we all fail to make ourselves heard more often that we think is reasonable. The truth is, our communication style is distinct; it is not hard-wired, but is a habit that we have been indoctrinated into through our social conditioning; gender identification, social group, ethnic traditions, economic status, neighborhood--all of these have an impact on how we communicate. Switching codes is intentional, sometimes, but can be learned through reading great literature.

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