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Listen "150 – It’s Not Your Fault"
Episode Synopsis
How do you handle challenging situations? What do you do when your life seems to be going sideways?
In this episode of The New Music Industry Podcast, I share my reflections from a recent heartbreak.
Download the PDF Transcription
Podcast Highlights:
00:34 – Heartbreak
01:32 – Turning to a mentor for help
02:35 – The stories we tell ourselves
02:59 – Have you ever considered that it’s not your fault?
03:53 – The trap of “more, better, different”
05:01 – Parable of the Mexican fisherman and American investment banker
06:35 – Living your dream life
07:12 – How to create breakthroughs
Transcription:
In my life, I recently encountered what we commonly refer to as “heartbreak”.
I’ve discovered from my training that heartbreak isn’t real. It’s just how certain situations show up to us in life. What sustains the emotional response is what we tell ourselves about the situation and what we make it mean.
But that doesn’t mean I didn’t encounter a wide range of emotions after a conversation one fateful night.
At first, I felt shocked and heartbroken. I was in pain.
Because I started sharing what I was going through with friends and my extended support group, I turned that around in about half a day.
At that point, the situation was showing up as clarity, freedom, energy in my world.
But only two days later, it was showing up as responsibility.
If only I had read between the lines. If only I had shared my inauthenticity sooner. If only I had spoken up earlier. If only I had been more forthright with my feelings.
I was beating myself up. My mind was foggy, and my emotions clogged.
I was stuck, so again, I turned to sharing, and this time, I called up one of my mentors.
Having explained the situation, my mentor said, “there’s one thing I haven’t heard you say yet, which is that it’s not your fault.”
My mentor continued to reinforce this idea that it wasn’t my fault. And, he shared with me that I am who I am, and that I’m meant to live that out. He also shared that the right person would embrace who I am and even be drawn to it.
We tend to change our behavior around those we care deeply about. We adapt to create a version of ourselves that we think others will accept, without even knowing if that makes us more acceptable. We make up stories about what we think others would find more interesting, more attractive, more valuable, and so on.
That’s not the person others were drawn to in the first place.
So, I got to try on that what I’d experienced was not my fault.
Suddenly, the situation in question was showing up in my world as peace and light excitement.
Of course, I will allow myself to feel whatever I feel over the coming days, weeks or even months.
There is nothing wrong about what any of us we feel.
The problem is the stories we construct around that, which are sometimes subversive but usually detrimental.
I’m not worthy of love.
I’m not attractive.
I’m not valuable.
Those types of thoughts can circulate in our minds, and we accept them as normal.
But then we carry them into future relationships and situations, oftentimes without any sense of awareness. That’s where things get tricky.
Have you ever considered that it’s not your fault?
Have you considered that you are who you are, and that’s who you’re meant to be, that there’s nothing wrong with you?
So, why do I share this with you?
It’s not as though this episode is going to give my site a ton of SEO value, drive traffic, generate book sales or otherwise.
First, I wanted to share this with you because if you’ve listened to all the episodes to this point, you’ve heard me talk about the different types of summer as well as boundaries.
Even my friend, Christopher Sutton of Musical U could tell I was going through something when I published those episodes. I wasn’t explicit in sharing details on the podcast, but he told me he could tell something was up.
In this episode of The New Music Industry Podcast, I share my reflections from a recent heartbreak.
Download the PDF Transcription
Podcast Highlights:
00:34 – Heartbreak
01:32 – Turning to a mentor for help
02:35 – The stories we tell ourselves
02:59 – Have you ever considered that it’s not your fault?
03:53 – The trap of “more, better, different”
05:01 – Parable of the Mexican fisherman and American investment banker
06:35 – Living your dream life
07:12 – How to create breakthroughs
Transcription:
In my life, I recently encountered what we commonly refer to as “heartbreak”.
I’ve discovered from my training that heartbreak isn’t real. It’s just how certain situations show up to us in life. What sustains the emotional response is what we tell ourselves about the situation and what we make it mean.
But that doesn’t mean I didn’t encounter a wide range of emotions after a conversation one fateful night.
At first, I felt shocked and heartbroken. I was in pain.
Because I started sharing what I was going through with friends and my extended support group, I turned that around in about half a day.
At that point, the situation was showing up as clarity, freedom, energy in my world.
But only two days later, it was showing up as responsibility.
If only I had read between the lines. If only I had shared my inauthenticity sooner. If only I had spoken up earlier. If only I had been more forthright with my feelings.
I was beating myself up. My mind was foggy, and my emotions clogged.
I was stuck, so again, I turned to sharing, and this time, I called up one of my mentors.
Having explained the situation, my mentor said, “there’s one thing I haven’t heard you say yet, which is that it’s not your fault.”
My mentor continued to reinforce this idea that it wasn’t my fault. And, he shared with me that I am who I am, and that I’m meant to live that out. He also shared that the right person would embrace who I am and even be drawn to it.
We tend to change our behavior around those we care deeply about. We adapt to create a version of ourselves that we think others will accept, without even knowing if that makes us more acceptable. We make up stories about what we think others would find more interesting, more attractive, more valuable, and so on.
That’s not the person others were drawn to in the first place.
So, I got to try on that what I’d experienced was not my fault.
Suddenly, the situation in question was showing up in my world as peace and light excitement.
Of course, I will allow myself to feel whatever I feel over the coming days, weeks or even months.
There is nothing wrong about what any of us we feel.
The problem is the stories we construct around that, which are sometimes subversive but usually detrimental.
I’m not worthy of love.
I’m not attractive.
I’m not valuable.
Those types of thoughts can circulate in our minds, and we accept them as normal.
But then we carry them into future relationships and situations, oftentimes without any sense of awareness. That’s where things get tricky.
Have you ever considered that it’s not your fault?
Have you considered that you are who you are, and that’s who you’re meant to be, that there’s nothing wrong with you?
So, why do I share this with you?
It’s not as though this episode is going to give my site a ton of SEO value, drive traffic, generate book sales or otherwise.
First, I wanted to share this with you because if you’ve listened to all the episodes to this point, you’ve heard me talk about the different types of summer as well as boundaries.
Even my friend, Christopher Sutton of Musical U could tell I was going through something when I published those episodes. I wasn’t explicit in sharing details on the podcast, but he told me he could tell something was up.
In God we trust