We parents try to do all the things we can to help our children to grow up. We advise. We admonish. We even end up preaching at them sometimes. But it’s not what we say, it’s what we do, how we live – what they see our life to be, that has the greatest impact in shaping them as they grow up.   A Godly Example Well, this is the last message in a series that I have called, “Building a Godly Family” and what I’ve decided to do; I talked to a friend of mine in the U.S., his name is Mark. He has nine children of his own and I thought I’d ask him for his top three or four tips. Now if you want to find out what they are, stick with me today on the programme because we are going to explore what a father of nine had to say. Now I don’t know how things are in your neck of the woods but one of the really hot topics around where I live is binge drinking amongst teenagers. I mean, blind Freddy can see that alcohol abuse is so incredibly destructive. I was listening to a doctor at the head of the Emergency Ward in our local hospital and he was saying that something like eighty percent of the young people under thirty, who get admitted to the Emergency Ward of the hospital on a weekend, are there because of alcohol related issues. Now that’s amazing – violence, injury, illness – it’s pretty scary and it kind of begs the question: "How does that happen?" I mean how does a kid go from being this beautiful little baby to a drunken teenager in the gutter? And to combat this teenage binge drinking they have been running an ad on television – a bunch of Australian men in the back yard drinking beer and one of the dads send his young son to the fridge to get him another bottle of beer. And the punch line is about making the point that our children are taking in our habits. They’re watching us, they are taking it all in, they pick up things by what rubs off from us. Do you know something? That kind of makes sense. Where there is drinking, child abuse, all those things are so negative, so destructive and yet this powerful imprinting thing happens to children in a family. And parents ... we as parents, we’re right up there; we are the authority figures and when a child is growing up the only reality that it has is the family that it’s living in. That’s all that child knows; you grow up in the family and that’s it. You don’t know any different whether it’s anger, violence, alcohol abuse, whatever it is, if that’s a powerful part of your reality growing up, it’s going to leave an imprint. Now, our DNA determines who we naturally are but our personalities; our characters, our view of ourselves and others, our morals, our values, our patterns of behaviour – all of those things are hugely ... hugely shaped by our environment. God’s plan is for a loving family, not just a nuclear family, the way we are used to in the West, I guess but the wider family. If you have a Bible, I want you to grab it, open it up with me. We are going to the New Testament, the Book of Titus chapter 2, beginning at verse 2. This is what it says: Tell the older men to be temperate, serious, prudent, and sound in faith, in love and endurance. Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in behaviour, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self controlled, chaste, good managers of the household, kind, being submissive to their husbands so that the word of God may not be discredited. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self controlled. Show yourself in all respects a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity and sound speech that cannot be censured; then any opponent will be put to shame, having nothing evil to say. You see what’s happening here? Paul is writing to Titus and he’s saying, "Look, Titus, look, here’s how it is: older men should set an example; older women should set an example so that the younger men and the younger women will learn from the older ones, so that needs to be handed down from the older men and women to the younger men and women and then, from the younger men and women, to their children." See, so much of our behaviour comes from the behaviour we learn from older people, both as children and as adults. That’s why mentorship is so important. You may have heard me talk about a man, Graham, my business partner for twenty years. Now Graham is about seventeen or eighteen years my senior and he taught me so many things – I watched his behaviour. He was good and descent and effective in so many ways and I learned from him. I became all that I am by watching him and learning from him, like ... like a life’s apprentice. We have been talking these last few weeks about building a godly family and today I want to get really down to earth with some practical things. I believe ... I truly believe that the most powerful thing that you and I can do to build a godly family is to be a godly person and to live a godly life. Let me say that again; this is important. The most powerful thing that you and I can do to build a godly family is to be a godly person and to live a godly life. Are you an older man or woman? Some societies respect their elders, other like mine, well; we’re not quite as good at this as we should be. Anything old is out of date; it’s beyond its use-by date; it’s old fashioned. We take older people and we stick them in nursing homes. I don’t generalise, but as a society, mine doesn’t value older people as much as some other societies do. But you older people can be such a godly influence in your family. You’ve been around, you know something. You should have godly wisdom that comes from a life-long faith in and walk with Jesus Christ. You are not involved any more, by and large, in the daily cut and thrust and pressures of bringing up children. What a godly influence you can be on your grandchildren! You can be gentle, yet powerful. The glow, the radiance of God that shines through your eyes and your mouth can be such an influence. And you parents! What a godly influence you can be on one another and on your children, husband and wife, by your behaviour and your countenance and your attitude and deeds and encouragement, how you can support one another. Maybe one of you is behaving badly – under pressure, you’re tired – the other one draws alongside and in love, steers things down the right path. And then the kids, instead of seeing their mother and father arguing and pulling in different directions, they see them trusting in God and supporting one another. What sort of lifelong imprint do we think that is going to leave on our children? Each of us have bad habits – sin, anger, selfishness, low self-esteem, pride, dishonesty, whatever it is, those things can be handed down – in fact, they will be handed down to our children. But when we choose to deal with them; when we sacrifice them to God; when we let Him into that space, to change us, the fruit will be to our children and to their children and to a thousand generations. When the simple daily habits of our lives are godly, Christ honouring, humble, this is a powerful blessing on our children. This is the most powerful thing that we can do to build a godly family, to be godly. Now I mentioned earlier on, Mark, my friend in the U.S., he kind of lives in Lincoln, Nebraska. I asked him to tell me what was one of the most important things that he knew about building godly family? Listen to what he says: Everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher. (Luke chapter 6, verse 40) While not usually thought of as a verse on parenting, the implications are clear. “We cannot hope to produce that in our children which we ourselves, do not possess”, writes Mark. “Our children, after all of our teaching, creative or not, intentional or not, verbal or not, will be like us. So, watch your own heart for it is the wellspring of life and don’t forget that the first things that must be dealt with, should be dealt with first, including keeping our marriage the priority in our family.” Um, them’s wise words, don’t you think?   Faith Comes by Hearing This "building a godly" family thing, you know what I think? I think it is about realising that we all, each one of us, in our families, need to see things through a fresh set of eyes. Every time I look up at the stars and the moon, I’m gob-smacked. The whole Milky Way thing, it’s almost like a cloud, like countless specks of stardust strewn across the sky, and then like clockwork every morning, this amazing ball of fire and light and warmth comes over the horizon – the sun, it never fails. Now I’m wondering, if you or I had never been taught anything about the earth and the solar system and the sun and the moon and the universe, if we knew nothing about any of that, what would we make of it? If we stood here on planet Earth and watched this whole heavenly light show go on, day by day, what would we make of it without the knowledge scientists have given us? Well, actually, we don’t have to look too far. There were so many theories down through the ages: the earth is flat, the earth’s at the centre – everything else revolves around it, the stars are little holes in the firmament – the skin that is stretched up where the sky is somewhere. See, what happens is we look at this incredible cosmic light show that rolls past every day from our miniscule perspective, not realising how small and how narrow our view is and we get a distorted picture. We think the earth is the centre of the universe; we think that we’re the biggest most important thing in this cosmos and this whole light show revolves around us. You see what happens? And it’s exactly what’s happened down through the ages but once we got the facts we started looking at things completely differently – at least a trillion, trillion stars in the known universe and how the sun is just one of them. I mean, even our galaxy of billions of stars is such a small pinprick on the map of the universe – it’s just so infinitesimally small even though it takes light, travelling at 5.88 trillion miles per year, over a hundred thousand years to travel from one end of the galaxy to the other. You see how radically the facts transform our understanding of reality? It’s mind blowing stuff! Well, what, if anything, does this have to do with the subject that we have been talking about these last few weeks on the programme, ‘Building a Godly Family’? Well, as it turns – everything! I talked earlier about Mark, my friend. I shared that he has nine children and I shared with you what he had to say about setting a godly example because ultimately our children will end up being like us and so how we live our lives ends up being the most important sermon we’ll ever preach. Well, here’s the next thing he said, in his top three – his second tip for building a godly family. Have a listen: Faith, he says, comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ. What do we mean by this? The written Word of God is absolutely central to everything we do in parenting and to birthing faith in the hearts of our children. My wife and I, we can talk, lecture, admonish, discipline, correct, nag ... whatever we want to do until we are blue in the face and it will be no good at all unless the Spirit of God takes His own Word and does a work in the hearts of our children. Therefore, we believe we must expose and challenge our kids with God’s Word as often as possible. In our home, that has taken the form over the years, of bedtime stories, Scripture readings at the dinner table, family devotion times, Scripture memory, using real life experiences to show how God’s Word speaks into every situation. To someone who hasn’t grown up in this environment, well, that may seem a little odd, but it makes so much sense. See, we started out by talking about the different perspectives we can have on the cosmic light show, depending on whether or not we know the truth about how it works. If we know the truth we understand the earth is a tiny little speck of dust, if we don’t we imagine that it’s the centre of the universe. We only learn the difference when we hear the truth. And it’s exactly the same for us as people. If we don’t know the truth about God – who He is, what He did for us through Jesus, His Son, who we are when we believe in Jesus, how we can respond to His incredible love that God has lavished upon us – unless we know those things then we are going to live out our lives in complete ignorance; completely from the wrong perspective. It’s when we teach our children the Word of God that they develop a godly perspective that bears so much fruit. It’s exactly what God taught His people, Israel, just before they crossed into the Promised Land. If you have a Bible, open it up at Deuteronomy chapter 6, verses 4 to 9: Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, will all your soul, with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise up and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. So in other words, if you want to build a godly family, tell the kids about Jesus. Here’s the amazing thing: I actually ask Mark’s children for their comments. What do they like about being in their family? Do you know what they said, the kids? Reading the Bible together, the creative teaching, the family prayer time; these were some of the things the KIDS said they liked about their family. Well, go figure!!   The Olive Trees Around the Table I want to share with you a story that blew me away, that Mark, my friend, shared with me. And my prayer is that it will blow you away too. It’s all about fruit, in fact, it’s about olives – the fruit of investing in and building a godly family. Now you and I both know that whenever we invest in anything, what the word "investment" really means is sacrifice now to reap a harvest later because investing is about putting something that we have in hand now; something that we could use or spend in another way. Investing is about taking that thing and planting it somewhere else to reap a reward down the track. If we save for our retirement, we take money that we could blow on things that we’d enjoy today, we set it aside in some form of investment plan, so that the seed grows into a tree that will feed us when we are retired. If we decide to lose weight and get fit, we sacrifice today’s ‘eat whatever I want’ plan – we sacrifice that in order to reap the reward of a healthier body. We give up time that we would rather spend watching television to exercise to reap the reward. As it turns out, exactly the same principle applies when we invest the time and the effort and the emotional energy that’s required to build a godly family. This friend of mine, Mark, with nine children, which I still shake my head at – Mark’s final take when I ask him the top three things; tips that he had on building a godly family, well, it comes from Psalm 128. Now grab your Bible, open it up – Psalm 128 is written to the father in the family – it’s a message specifically to dads. Have a listen; it’s actually a very short Psalm: Happy is everyone who fears the Lord and who walks in his ways.  You shall eat the fruit of the labour of your hands; you shall be happy and it shall go well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around the table. Thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion. May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. May you see your children’s children. Peace upon Israel. Now, I guess to our twenty first century ears maybe that take on family might seem a tad patriarchal. Remember it was written to a people who lived very much in a patriarchal society, so let’s go with it. Verse 1: Happy is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways. We are blessed; "happy", blessed is everyone who fears the Lord. That’s what we have been talking about over these last few weeks – putting God first in everything … every part of our lives, including the way we do family – that brings blessings. Verse 2 describes that blessing: You shall eat the fruit of your labour; you shall be happy and it will go well with you. You know, that’s the natural consequence of when we honour God. But now, have a listen to verse 3: Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Yes, patriarchal, the wife is the fruitful vine but it comes back to the Old Testament view of what blessing is. Blessing in the Old Testament equalled lots of children and your own lands, pretty simple, so to the person reading that Psalm when it was written, that’s what verse 3 means. The first part is about the wife having a lot of children but have a listen again to the second part of that verse: Your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Olive shoots ... they grow up into might olive trees that bear one of the staples of the Eastern diet, olives, from which comes the precious commodity of olive oil. Now have a listen to what my friend Mark wrote about this particular verse. Here it is word for word from this father of nine children and it just rocked my socks off. I hope you are blessed by what Mark wrote too. God impacted us with this idea out of our own family study of the Scriptures some time back. It comes out of Psalm 128, verse 3 which says: “The children will be like olive shoots around the table of the man who fears God.” When learning that olive plants take between sixteen and eighteen years of careful cultivation, pruning and watering and during that time, typically they bear very little fruit and that after the eighteenth year they bear abundant fruit for many, many years to come, it gave us a reason to persevere and not be weary in well doing. That is an incredible truth from Scripture that has kept us going through some really tough times with our kids. Don’t you love how God packs so much into His Word, it’s so full of truth. What an amazing picture of these olive shoots around the table and we invest in them – this fresh, young shoot – all that effort and investment that the farmer puts into the tree for years. It occupies a part of his orchard, takes investment and work and it bears almost no fruit and then ... then one day, just as God had always planned, all along, that tree produces olives. I love olives! There’s a cafe just down the road from us, owned by a Greek man, Alex, and he makes these olives that are to die for and you get them with some Turkish bread, and bit of Greek dip and ... AH, fabulous! But imagine, Alex’s olives come from one of those trees ... a tree somewhere, that some farmer has nurtured and cared for for sixteen to eighteen years until finally, it bears fruit. You see this wonderful picture? And just to top it off the Psalmist, at the end of the Psalm, helps us to realise that it doesn’t end with just the olives of that first tree – there is so much more. Psalm 128, verse 6: “May you see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel.” This investment in these little olive shoots, sitting around the table of the parents who fear God; who honour God; these parents who are prepared to invest tirelessly, day after day, is going to bear fruit in a little while - fruit that will last for generations. I look at my three: Simon almost thirty now, Michael in his late twenties and Melissa our baby who has just turned eighteen and Jacqui and I, we are so proud of whom they are. We are so delighted to see the fruit finally growing – to see them making their way in this world, rising up to be the people who God naturally made them to be. Now I have to tell you, really, doing the whole little kid thing, it’s not my naturally gig ... it’s just not. It was hard work for me. So for me, many days, it was such a tough road – being a dad, going through teaching the children over and over and over again, but the fruit ... the fruit that that investment is now bearing is so incredibly worth it, I have to tell you. I want to encourage you today that wherever your family is, whatever is going on, whatever dysfunction you perceive will absolutely prevent you from building a godly family, I want to encourage you that the Word of God is true. That when we begin to honour God and to fear God and we step out and we say, “I am believing God for a godly family,” I got to tell you, the Spirit of God will come in power. He will show us what to do. He will show us what to say. He will show us how to live and it might take a while, but I have to tell you, my God and your God – that God is about building a godly family.

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