The importance of emerging from personality disorders. Curing a personality disorder improves life expectancy by 18 years, and a happier life.  Less lifetime trauma for others in contact too. This is WHY to try to improve.

Explanation of brain elasticity which allows learning and improvement. 

Questionnaire on attachment figures in your own life, and your own children:

5mins: Q6) what's one step you could take, today, to make a better job of truly seeing your children and responding to what they need. Taking an interest in something they care about.

Take one step towards making them feel seen and understood. Enjoy the rewards of taking that step, and then take another. Each new step deepens and strengthens the connection. Practicing this shows them how to do this with their friends all the way through childhood, adolescence and into adult life.

- Episode opens with explanation of avoidant attachment, where a child's needs and emotions have NOT been responded to, it damages all the relationships in their life.  But it's never too late.

Q1) to what degree did you feel truly seen by your parents?  They listened and responded to how you felt, not what they wanted you to do.

Q2) do you have relationships where you discuss deep and meaningful subjects? Memories,  fears, desires,  your inner life.

Q3) how often do you interact with your kids, get to know their life from their perspective, listen, and honour their inner worlds.  Show you think about this yourself too - but beware analysis paralysis self-absorption!

Q4) do they feel you embrace them for who they truly are? Even if it's different from you, or your desires for them.

Q5)  Do your kids ever feel ashamed of expressing their emotions.  Do they feel loved, even when behaving at their worst.

5mins: Q6) what's one step you could take, today, to make a better connection?  (See above).

Summarised from Dan Seigel's book, "The Power Of Showing Up."

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