it is actually not easy to explain, but i guess i do kind of fear living in a place that is so unusual, that if someone just says they may have ancestry like the one i told you about on my fathers side, that it could put an expectation on people to be the next michael jackson or something. michael jackson was not actually a pale skin person in real life. but,  there is no proof about my ancestry.  if you are looking for proof, you should probably reach out to my father, if he is still alive.   the ancestry would be on his side.  i am not even sure if he was trying to say it was from his mothers side or fathers side, but either way, that would mean the ancestry was probably not american. because my granmother was not from the u.s. and my grandfather , on his side, was not from the u.s.  the ancestry definitely was not from my mothers side.   but its very difficult.  i did not grow up with the suspicion that i had that kind of ancestry.  the struggle for me was always that i tended to look a bit too on the hispanic side for the people i lived around.  when my mother died , my aunt changed my name from my mothers last name to my fathers last name because she thought i looked more hispanic.  i did not live any other way than someone who people thought was hispanic.  then after i finished highschool and was already halfway through college, i met my father who told me flippantly that he may have had african ancestry from way back. he didnt explain anything about it, he just said that.  so,   one thing about that to me is,  if i did have african ancestry, i think people would have tried to point it out before i got to college.    if i did have that kind of ancestry, i did not get to grow up knowing about it.   i think in the same way that my aunt changed my last name and kind of changed my identity,  i think my father tried to change my identity , and not because he thought well of me.   when i met him as an adult, i thought of him as a very hispanic person, we went to a dinner together with some of his family members.  looked like a hispanic family sitting at a table over there as an observer.  

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