(blob painting): sometimes I like it when my executive functions drop. I can like being over stimulated, sometimes it’s funny and confusing. I can get sound to touch synesthesia; it can tickle me in weird places, like my organs.
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It’s nice to show myself without a mouth when I can’t talk. With no eyes, when I can’t process the visual information I’m getting. With no head, when I can’t catch a thought or remember what’s happening. And all the hands when I’m doing so much sensing.
I tried to show you my mystical blob body.

When I look in the mirror this is what I think I will see. My beautiful monstrous form. I’m always surprised by my reflection when I see a human looking back at me.

This is my body dysmorphia’s morphic form.

When you have been dehumanised, you can choose to reclaim not feeling human as a beautiful identity. That’s not very popular with the humanistic far left, but it works for me. I don’t want to be “othered”. I can never be your equal, as long as I am the other. No one can ever be anyone’s equal. Structural dehumanisation can feel like a group with pitchforks is coming for you, simultaneously feeling like a monster. I love feeling like an ethical monster. Safe to those who love me, like a wolf mother to her puppies. And feeling my metaphoric fur.

Concept & Artwork: Mishka

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