It's On Me (Sara Kuburic)
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#personalresponsibility #selfawareness #boundaries #emotionalregulation #valuesbasedliving #ItsOnMe
These are takeaways from this book.
Firstly, Ownership Versus Self Blame, A central idea is learning to distinguish ownership from self blame. Ownership means acknowledging your role in outcomes, even when circumstances were unfair, while self blame turns responsibility into a global verdict about your worth. The book encourages readers to ask, what part of this is mine to address right now, rather than, what is wrong with me. This difference matters because self blame often triggers avoidance, defensiveness, or perfectionism, which keeps patterns intact. Ownership, by contrast, supports agency: you can change what you can influence, and you can grieve what you could not control. Kuburic frames hard truths as information rather than punishment, helping readers notice how they may outsource responsibility through excuses, resentment, or waiting for others to change first. At the same time, the emphasis is not on bootstrapping through pain, but on developing a grounded sense of accountability paired with compassion. Readers are guided to recognize the protective function of denial and rationalization, then choose more honest self talk and more deliberate action. Over time, this stance can reduce emotional volatility and increase consistency in choices, because the focus shifts from proving yourself to improving your life.
Secondly, Meeting Your Self Through Patterns and Triggers, The book highlights that self discovery is less about abstract identity labels and more about observing lived patterns: what you repeatedly do, avoid, chase, or tolerate. Triggers are treated as signals that point to unresolved needs, fears, or beliefs. Instead of asking only why something upsets you, the reader is invited to explore what the reaction protects: a fear of rejection, a need for control, a sensitivity to disrespect, or an old wound that still shapes perception. This lens helps readers move from reactive living to reflective living. Kuburic also underscores that people often confuse familiar with healthy, returning to dynamics that match their internal expectations even if those dynamics hurt. By examining recurring relational conflicts, workplace frustrations, or cycles of self sabotage, readers can identify the narratives driving them, such as I must earn love, conflict is dangerous, or my needs do not matter. The practical value is that once a pattern is named, it becomes interruptible. Awareness creates a pause in which new choices become possible. The topic emphasizes building a vocabulary for internal experience and using it to map behavior, which is the foundation for meaningful change rather than temporary motivation.
Thirdly, Boundaries, Needs, and the Courage to Disappoint, A recurring theme in growth oriented therapy is that boundaries are not walls but guidelines for sustainable connection, and the book brings that idea into everyday decisions. Many people overextend, people please, or tolerate harmful behavior because they fear conflict, abandonment, or being seen as selfish. Kuburic emphasizes that clear boundaries require clarity about needs, limits, and values, and that this clarity is developed th...

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