What's the worst relationship you've ever been in? What's the difference between this and that? There are at least three ways of understanding that second question, each of which reveals a different level of abstraction: metalinguistic, anaphoric and exophoric. Our exploration of this and that (proximal and distal demonstratives, that is) reveals the gift, the risk and the challenge of human language. The gift: Language creates selfhood, and with selfhood comes intimacy. The risk: Language can also create an obsession with the self, disavowal of the other, narcissism. The challenge: To recognise that our selfhood is a gift of our evolving human language, which is a gift of the evolving Earth. With language we're offered the opportunity to recognise the limitations of the self, and to be open to the mystery of the other. The translation of the quote from Buddhist sutras about the finger pointing at the moon is from: Ho, Chien-Hsing (2008). The finger pointing toward the moon: a philosophical analysis of the Chinese Buddhist thought of reference. Journal of Chinese Philosophy 35 (1):159-177. https://philpapers.org/rec/CHITFP-2 Check out jodieclark.com for information about Refreshing Grammar, the book, and Refreshing Grammar, the course. Sign up for the Grammar for dreamers newsletter here: jodieclark.com/newsletter

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