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Listen "Coaches Takeover Series – People-Pleasing & Insecurity"
Episode Synopsis
Welcome to Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, where we bring truth with love to the tough topics of emotionally destructive relationships.
In today’s special Coaches Takeover episode, Leslie Vernick team coaches Diana Bala and Susan King dive into people-pleasing, insecurity, and the transformative path toward freedom in Christ.
We’re fresh off our 5-Day Insecurity Coaching Challenge—and in this conversation, we’re going even deeper.
In This Episode:
A recap of the 5-Day Insecurity Challenge:
Self-doubt
Shame and guilt
Perfectionism
The inner critic
People-pleasing
Highlights from the week:
Women developing hope beyond shame and guilt
Experiencing Scripture in new, life-giving ways
Recognizing the hidden faces of insecurity
Key Insight: The Many Masquerades of Insecurity
Diana and Susan unpack the ways insecurity often masquerades as something good—but at a cost:
✅ Kindness
Saying yes to everything, avoiding conflict
Underneath: fear of rejection, desire to be liked
Truth: Kindness includes boundaries
✅ Humility
Downplaying strengths, deflecting compliments
Underneath: fear of being judged, imposter syndrome
Truth: Humility is not shrinking
✅ Responsibility
Overfunctioning, taking on others’ problems
Underneath: need to feel needed
Truth: Healthy responsibility knows what is yours and what is not
✅ Peacemaking
Avoiding hard conversations, keeping silent
Underneath: fear of conflict
Truth: Real peacemaking requires courage and truth
✅ Flexibility
Always going along, hiding preferences
Underneath: belief your needs don’t matter
Truth: Flexibility shouldn’t erase you
Why Do We People-Please?
To avoid conflict, rejection, or feeling like a burden
It often begins in childhood:
Conditional love or safety
Messages like “Be a good girl,” “Don’t upset your father”
Approval as currency for worth
How Do We Transform?
Change your inner narrative:
“I must earn love” ➜ “I am already worthy.”
Embrace agency, reclaim your God-given identity, and practice compassion for the part of you that learned to survive by pleasing.
🌟 Featured Tool: The Truth & Trade Exercise
A simple, powerful way to interrupt people-pleasing patterns:
1️⃣ Pause & Name the Pattern
Notice when you’re saying “yes” when you mean “no”
Ask: What am I afraid will happen if I don’t please?
2️⃣ Identify the Hidden Belief
E.g. “If I disappoint them, they won’t love me.”
“Saying no makes me selfish.”
3️⃣ Speak the Truth
“My worth is not dependent on someone else’s opinion.”
“Boundaries create healthier relationships.”
Biblical grounding:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” — Galatians 1:10
“Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37
4️⃣ Make the Trade
“I trade my fear of disappointing others for honoring my limits and values.”
Then take the aligned action.
Next Steps
If you joined our challenge this week—you didn’t just learn about insecurity. You moved through it. But this is just the beginning.
If you’re ready to live out what you’re learning, join us in our Moving Beyond People-Pleasing Flexible Coaching Experience.
It’s time to move from:
Performing ➜ Presence
Guilt ➜ Groundedness
Pleasing everyone ➜ Becoming your God-given self
👉 www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse
Groups start this week—plenty of times to join!
Final Words
“Thank you for letting us be a voice in your ear and a companion in your heart. You are not alone. You don’t have to keep performing for love that’s already yours.”
We’re closing out our Coaches Takeover for the summer but will return in the fall!
Until next time—be kind to yourself, stay curious, and keep moving forward.
Learn More & Join Coaching: www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse
Subscribe for Updates: www.leslievernick.com
In today’s special Coaches Takeover episode, Leslie Vernick team coaches Diana Bala and Susan King dive into people-pleasing, insecurity, and the transformative path toward freedom in Christ.
We’re fresh off our 5-Day Insecurity Coaching Challenge—and in this conversation, we’re going even deeper.
In This Episode:
A recap of the 5-Day Insecurity Challenge:
Self-doubt
Shame and guilt
Perfectionism
The inner critic
People-pleasing
Highlights from the week:
Women developing hope beyond shame and guilt
Experiencing Scripture in new, life-giving ways
Recognizing the hidden faces of insecurity
Key Insight: The Many Masquerades of Insecurity
Diana and Susan unpack the ways insecurity often masquerades as something good—but at a cost:
✅ Kindness
Saying yes to everything, avoiding conflict
Underneath: fear of rejection, desire to be liked
Truth: Kindness includes boundaries
✅ Humility
Downplaying strengths, deflecting compliments
Underneath: fear of being judged, imposter syndrome
Truth: Humility is not shrinking
✅ Responsibility
Overfunctioning, taking on others’ problems
Underneath: need to feel needed
Truth: Healthy responsibility knows what is yours and what is not
✅ Peacemaking
Avoiding hard conversations, keeping silent
Underneath: fear of conflict
Truth: Real peacemaking requires courage and truth
✅ Flexibility
Always going along, hiding preferences
Underneath: belief your needs don’t matter
Truth: Flexibility shouldn’t erase you
Why Do We People-Please?
To avoid conflict, rejection, or feeling like a burden
It often begins in childhood:
Conditional love or safety
Messages like “Be a good girl,” “Don’t upset your father”
Approval as currency for worth
How Do We Transform?
Change your inner narrative:
“I must earn love” ➜ “I am already worthy.”
Embrace agency, reclaim your God-given identity, and practice compassion for the part of you that learned to survive by pleasing.
🌟 Featured Tool: The Truth & Trade Exercise
A simple, powerful way to interrupt people-pleasing patterns:
1️⃣ Pause & Name the Pattern
Notice when you’re saying “yes” when you mean “no”
Ask: What am I afraid will happen if I don’t please?
2️⃣ Identify the Hidden Belief
E.g. “If I disappoint them, they won’t love me.”
“Saying no makes me selfish.”
3️⃣ Speak the Truth
“My worth is not dependent on someone else’s opinion.”
“Boundaries create healthier relationships.”
Biblical grounding:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” — Galatians 1:10
“Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37
4️⃣ Make the Trade
“I trade my fear of disappointing others for honoring my limits and values.”
Then take the aligned action.
Next Steps
If you joined our challenge this week—you didn’t just learn about insecurity. You moved through it. But this is just the beginning.
If you’re ready to live out what you’re learning, join us in our Moving Beyond People-Pleasing Flexible Coaching Experience.
It’s time to move from:
Performing ➜ Presence
Guilt ➜ Groundedness
Pleasing everyone ➜ Becoming your God-given self
👉 www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse
Groups start this week—plenty of times to join!
Final Words
“Thank you for letting us be a voice in your ear and a companion in your heart. You are not alone. You don’t have to keep performing for love that’s already yours.”
We’re closing out our Coaches Takeover for the summer but will return in the fall!
Until next time—be kind to yourself, stay curious, and keep moving forward.
Learn More & Join Coaching: www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse
Subscribe for Updates: www.leslievernick.com
In God we trust