This episode talks through a really sensitive subject, and Beka and Leah do their best to have an honest conversation about the challenges of being a single parent, and how to navigate some of those situations.If abuse is happening in your relationship, your children know more than you think they do, and there is very clear research about the impact this can have on children. Until everyone is safe in their relationships, and able to get out of survival mode, no additional changes can happen.Regardless of the nature of the coparenting relationship, kids' behavior will often regress when they return home. This is particularly true if the contact with the other parent is infrequent or unpredictable or there are inconsistencies among the two environments. This regression can look like defiance, oppositionality, increased emotionality, bedwetting, clingy behavior, etc.We often hear moms say, 'It's my responsiblity to make sure my kids have a good relationship with their dad.' We disagree with this statement completely, believing a parent's relationship with their children is their responsiblity. Moms cannot bear the weight of their children's relationship with their dad. Here are some areas we think are the responsiblity of the mother in this scenario:Avoid speaking negatively about the other parentValidate their feelings about the other parent - positive and negativeAllow contact when it's safeWhen looking at various situations, ask yourself, 'what is mine to take? what is my work to do?' The behavior and response of another person is never yours to take and is not something you have control over. How do I protect my child from feeling lost/rejected/abandoned/left?You can't.As a mother, this feels unacceptable, and all we want to do is protect them and take their hurt away. But in many situations, they are rejected and left, and their feelings related to this situation are valid and just have to be processed and worked through.So what can you do?Respond honestlyValidate and allow them to feel everythingSurround them with strong, loving men to help fill that roleIf you are their safe person, you will get the worst of their behavior. This doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It means you are safe, while they can't feel any of their anger, frustration, or confusion with their dad. Their relationship with their dad is too fragile and uncertain and our kids are too desperate to keep the relationship and make their dad stay, so you, as their mom are the only one who can take it. Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple,  or wherever you listen to podcasts!We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to [email protected]!!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagramSubscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram

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