Send over your dead SMS messages.Hello there, listeners! Artemis here with a letter to Prince Charming about his mother's ridiculous advice. Whoever thought that picking out a woman to marry based on her ability to detect a pea under an enormous pile of mattresses and featherbeds clearly didn't understand the concept of red flags or high-maintenance! I'm here to school the prince about what makes a happy marriage. Why not Aphrodite? Because this prince needs a reality check, not one of Eros's arrows or Aphrodite's apples of desire. Let me know what you think. Send a message through Hermes, since I don't get divine reception out in the forest. He's at [email protected].

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